Into the Night
by Bluehaven4220
Summary: A new Marriage Law states that all Muggleborns must marry within three months of reaching their seventeenth birthday, and he is her only hope. SSOC
1. Into the Night

**Title: Into the Night**

**Author: Bluehaven4220**

**Summary: A new Marriage Law requires all Muggleborns to marry within three months of their seventeenth birthday, and he is her only hope. SS/OC**

**Disclaimer: I don't lay claim to anything related to Harry Potter, or anything to do with said books/movies. I'm only playing with them, and promise to set them back exactly as I found them when I'm finished with them, (even if they are slightly loopy as a result). :)**

**Reviews: Always welcome and very much appreciated**

**ooOoo**

_There were drums in the air, as she started to dance, every soul in the room keeping time with their hands_

_Into the Night- Santana feat. Chad Kroeger_

**ooOoo**

Allison McCormack wouldn't strike you as _abnormal_, per se. She enjoyed ice skating, something may others in the wizarding world might have seen as a trival pastime. In fact she was the top skater in her age group. Partnered with a young man named Neil Lansdell, they had become the 'ice dancing' champions. Just a few months before, she had come home from school, vowing never to return to the world she had lived in for the past seven years.

For you see, Allison McCormack wasn't a normal girl.

Allison McCormack was a witch.

And quite a powerful one at that.

Just a few months before, The-Boy-Who-Lived (to be a pain in my side, she'd add silently), Harry Potter, had vanquished the most feared wizard to be seen in over one hundred years, Lord Voldemort.

While Harry Potter never asked for the task of defeating Voldemort, he'd done it.

And while she was grateful, she would have rather been back in the Muggle world, doing what she loved. After Voldemort's defeat, she'd said goodbye to her friends, Hermione Granger (whom she only saw occasionally thanks to her association with The-Boy-Who-Lived), and Edward Roberts (a Half-Blood in the same House as Allison herself), she'd returned and found her way back to the ice rink.

But it was this one day that turned her life upside down.

He stepped into the arena as she performed her long program, a contemporary dance routine to a song called 'Into the Night', he recognized the song from that God-forsaken thing Muggles called a 'radio'. Good God, it was cold! The dance, he noticed, was not overtly complicated, but still enough to convince judges that she and that partner of hers were worth their salt. He, her partner that is, was leading this dance when she suddenly turned her head and he was sure she had recognized him, black robes settling behind him.

_Ignore it, ignore it, you cannot afford to miss this step, you cannot... _she thought to herself upon seeing Professor Snape at the boards.

But by this point the music had stopped and she was no longer being judged.

"Oh Good Lord," she muttered, covering her eyes with her hand. As she stepped off the ice and made her way to the dressing room, she noticed he followed her. As soon as the door closed, however, he stopped.

As he was knocking on the door, she sighed as she bent to untie her skate laces.

"Yes?"

"Are you decent, Miss McCormack?" his cold, drawling voice asked, slightly muffled by the heavy door seperating the two of them.

"Yes Professor," she answered.

He pushed open the door and sat down beside her on the bench.

"Can I ask why you're here?" she finished unlacing her skate and grabbed a towel to dry the blade.

"Dumbledore wishes to see you, he asked me to come and collect you."

"_Now? _The old codger wants to see me_ now?"_ she asked as she shoved her skates back into her skate bag and zipped it up. "Professor, I don't think either you or Dumbledore realize that _this _dance, the waltz that I was doing on the ice back there, is one of the most important dances for my partner and I... we are not so incompetant that we cannot master what you might deem a 'simple, childish dance', but if we do not pass this test, our funding will be cut, and we shall lose all that we have worked for."

"Calm yourself, Miss McCormack. I did not say we had to leave straight away. Dumbledore is willing to wait until you and your partner have received your results, and then he has asked us to Apparate back to Hogwarts."

"I thought you couldn't Apparate into Hogwarts!"

"Good Lord, do use your common sense! _Of course_ we cannot Apparate straight into Hogwarts, but Apparating outside the grounds is entirely possible." He had said the whole sentence through clenched teeth, attempting to stifle the anger he felt at her supposed incompetence.

She nodded in understanding. "Excuse me, sir, but I'm sure my partner is looking for me. If I'm not there he'll have my hide."

Snape nodded curtly, allowing her to leave the dressing room, trainers and all, and find her partner.

Her partner, a young man by the name of Neil Lansdell, he noticed, was almost a full head taller than she, and quite handsome, truth be told. He did not look like he could lift anything heavier than a feather pillow, or a small baby, but once they received their results, he realized he was more than proven incorrect.

The boy had put his hands on her hips, lifted her, and had given her enough momentum to spin twice in the air before catching her in his arms once again.

Snape could only guess that they had succeeded.

He watched her whisper to Neil and then hug him before returning to the dressing room, retrieving her bag and coming back out, suddenly appearing at Snape's side.

"Ready?" he asked, looking at her curtly.

Allison nodded just as curtly. She gripped his left arm and the next thing she knew she felt as though irons bars were pressing on his chest, her eyes pushing into the back of her head, and her eardrums ready to explode.

When she opened her eyes, there were standing outside the gates of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The gates did not hesitate to open for Professor Snape, perhaps they recognized that a current teacher was requesting entrance.

"Come on, then, Miss McCormack, we do not have time to dally."

Clutching her skate bag and swinging it over shoulder, Allison followed him as quickly as she could. Seeing as both were extremely quick runners, they had made it to the castle in almost no time at all.

Reaching the outside of Dumbledore's office, they stopped.

"Fizzing Whizbee," he said between clenched teeth, as though it hurt for him to say such words.

The gargoyle jumped to the side and suddenly the two of them were climbing the stairs to Dumbledore's office.

"Ah, Severus, Miss McCormack," his quiet, calm voice resounded throughout the room as soon as they stepped foot into his office. "May I offer you a lemon drop?"

"No thank you Professor," she greeted in return.

"I don't suppose Professor Snape has informed you as to why I have asked you here?"

"No sir," Allison answered, putting down her skates and rubbing her shoulder. It was then she realized she was only dressed in her skating dress, tights, and trainers. No wonder she was suddenly so cold.

No sooner had she thought of it had a cloak appeared over her shoulders.

"And how did you fare?"

"Fare?" suddenly she understood. "Oh, suffice it to say, sir, that Neil's and my funding shall not be cut. In fact the judge thought that we were ready to progress to the next level."

"Splendid," Dumbledore clapped his hands once together. "However, Miss McCormack, I am afraid that you may not be able to continue with it, though it is obvious how much you enjoy it."

Allison's mouth dropped open.

"Excuse me?"

"I am afraid, Miss McCormack, that it is your relationship with Neil Lansdell that has put you in jeporady..." Dumbledore told her.

"My relationship with Neil Lansdell does not continue off the ice! When we dance, _Dumbledore_, it is part of our _performance_ to give the illusion that we are in love!"

"Ah, but that is your downfall, Miss McCormack. For you see, the Ministry of Magic has imposed a marriage law..."

"Marriage law? How could that affect me? I'm not even of age!"

"You come of age in four months time..."

"November sixth, but why should that matter?"

"Part of the clause is that all Muggle-born witches and wizards must marry within three months of reaching their seventeenth birthday," Snape interjected.

Was he in on this as well?

She asked him the same question.

"Most assuredly, I am not. I do not approve of this any more than you do," he spat.

"Three months? But sir, that is _certainly_ to short of a time span. _No one_ can fall in love within three months." She again turned her attention to Dumbledore.

"Seven," came Snape's voice.

Allison looked at him sideways. "Sorry?"

"You have, in fact, _seven_ months to make your decision, Miss McCormack," he repeated. "Seeing as you do not come of age until November, and it is only July. And from November you still have until February."

_Oh yes, Professor, that makes me feel ten times better._

She turned to Dumbledore and pulled the cloak tightly around her shoulders. "Professor... sir, is there any way to deflect this so-called marriage law so that it is not passed?"

"There is not," Dumbledore replied. "The Ministry has already enacted this law. In fact, there is barely a young woman in the seventh year who is not engaged or married already."

"And what do they say about children? I know..."

"That there is a definite increase in the amount of Squibs and stillbirths in the wizarding world due to the insane obsession with blood purity." Dumbledore answered.

When had Dumbledore ever used the word 'insane'?

"Yes, Miss McCormack, that is true. The Marriage Law dictates that you must conceive a child within the first year of marriage."

_First year? My parents were married for nearly a decade before I was conceived._

"I trust you have not received any letter or notice from the Ministry as of yet, have you?" Dumbledore looked at her over his half-moon spectacles.

Allison shook her head.

"Well, I rather think I should be the one to give it to you now," Dumbledore reached to the corner of his desk and handed her the letter. "I trust you do not wish to read this now... I have connected your fireplace to the Floo Network for the afternoon, if you wish to return home."

"Thank you sir," she slipped the letter into her skate bag, proceeded to the fireplace, took a handful of Floo Powder and soon we had arrived back home.

**ooOoo**

Allison nearly choked as she read the letter once again. This time in the confines of her bedroom. Perhaps she should take this to her mother...

No, her mother was a Muggle. She would _never_ understand the depth of what this entailed.

But on the other hand, wouldn't she want her mother at her wedding?

Probably not. Her mother and father were both Muggles, from non-magic families. Their reaction to this new law would be nothing short of nauseating. When Allison had received her first letter from Hogwarts, they had looked at her with almost an air of disgust. Nevertheless, they received her home for Christmas and the summer holidays, but most of the time she was at the skating rink with Neil.

Now she was going to have to give up all that she and Neil had worked so hard for. Something told her that when breaking the news to him, he would not take it well at all.

One final time, she read the letter.

_Dear Miss McCormack,_

_In accordance with Statute 378, encompassed within the newly revised Marriage Act, all Muggleborn wizards and witches must marry within three months of reaching their seventeenth year._

_Also encompassed within this Act is the Reproduction Clause. Said couple must be with child or have already delivered within a year of marriage. _

_A list of suitable matches has been enclosed with this letter. Please take the time to review this list and send a response back by no later than 31 August._

_Yours most sincerely, _

_Kingsley Shacklebolt_

_Minister for Magic_

Allison picked up the list that had been folded in with the letter, and nearly choked once again.

Number one on her list of possible suitors was none other than her former professor; Severus Snape.


	2. New Days

**justlikewedo: Well my dear beta, now you see what I've been working on instead of A Dozen White Roses, seems my muse has decided to let this story come to fruitation. I'm so glad you like it. Thanks for the review**

**ooOoo**

_New days, fly away, across the universe, see you there. New days, you know where we go, across the universe, if you dare._

_New Days- Asher Lane_

**ooOoo**

Infuriated, Severus Snape held his tongue until Allison had left before tearing into Dumbledore.

"Albus, there is no _possible_ way you're going to make that girl give up ice skating, especially for the man she must marry."

"Ah Severus, don't think I didn't take that into account," Dumbledore answered, giving Snape the slightest of smirks. "I trust you received your letter?"

"If I hadn't I wouldn't be standing in front of you, wishing quite sincerely that I had the opportunity to strangle our dear Minister."

Dumbledore shrugged. How could the old man be so _calm?_

"And I trust you've seen that Miss McCormack is your most suitable match?"

He grit his teeth.

"Albus..."

"Yes Severus?"

"I'm old enough to be her father!" Snape hissed. "I won't have her suffer for my misdeeds, I am both too old and preceived as evil. It's not fair to her..."

"But only you, Severus, know the truth. You are not evil, and I think Miss McCormack is smart enough to realize this."

"How could a girl barely seventeen years of age understand something as complex as that?" Severus sank into the nearest chair.

"Ah but Severus, Allison McCormack is not a normal seventeen year old," Dumbledore smirked. "She has seen things that neither you nor I could comprehend, and _that_ is saying something..." Dumbledore picked up the letter and examined its contents. "Although I must say, considering your other choices..."

"There _are_ no other choices!"

"Exactly."

Severus shook his head and flooed from Dumbledore's office into Allison McCormack's fireplace.

**ooOoo**

He saw blankets and books thrown over the floor, a lamp smashed against a wall, paint dictating that it had been thrown and exploded over a mirror and a portion of the wall.

"Miss McCormack, can I ask what happened in here?"

"That?" she answered, coming down the stairs with a bucket full of what he could only assume was soap and water. "Oh, that was my attempt at resisting the urge to kick things."

"Cheeky," he spat as she knelt in front of the mirror, dipped a spounge into the bucket and proceeded to scrub the paint from said ornamental artifact.

"Dungeon bat..." she countered.

"How did your dear Mr. Lansdell take the news?"

"You honestly think I'm going to _tell_ him?" she whipped around and stared him in the eyes, brown eyes boring into black. "Neil Lansdell is _in love_ with me, _Professor,"_ she added the last bit with as much malice as she could muster.

"But do you love him?"

Silence.

"I don't know..." she stammered. "No..." was her final answer.

Severus merely nodded.

"But to tell him that I have to break up the partnership would _kill_ him, Professor. And I mean litterally _kill_ him. He's worked too hard to have me pull the rug out from under him."

"Hmmph," Severus grumbled.

"Fine, be that way," she set back to cleaning the mirror, the soap running down the mirror, washing it clean.

"Can I be of help?"

Allison's mouth stood agape. Had Severus Snape just offered to help her clear up the mess she had created in rage and heartbreak?

"I might die of shock," she smirked.

"Why is that?" she answered.

"Because you just offered to help me," she laughed. "Should I commit this to memory? I doubt this would happen under normal circumstances."

"Perhaps, but seeing as we are not under normal circumstances, Miss..."

"Allison," she interrupted.

"What?"

"Seeing as we have no choice in this mess we have found ourselves in, we may as well call each other by our names," she reasoned. "You know my first name, though you rarely use it."

"Allison..." he tried. The name sounded almost foreign on his lips.

She smiled. "See, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

The words died on his tongue.

"Miss Mc--- Allison," he corrected himself. "Seeing as you will be taking your NEWTS this coming year, none of this must leave this house, at least until you are of age."

"Sure, sure," she dunked the spounge into the soapy water and working on the mirror as he fixed the lamp, simply muttering "Reparo". "But why not? Come February we'll be bound to each other, why not declare it now?"

"Because you're not of age and I'm..."

"Still attached to Lily," Allison mumbled.

He stopped. "How did you know about that?"

"You and Dumbledore are not the only oneswho know how to work a Pensieve," she answered.

"Was it Potter?"

"Harry Potter has _nothing_ to do with this!" she answered. "I went to see Professor Dumbledore a few years ago, just before Lord Voldemort--- _don't _look at me like that!--- before Lord Voldemort returned, asking to use the Penseive..."

"Why would Dumbledore allow a student access to his Pensieve?"

"Because I had information no one else did!" she snapped. "Those memories were threatening to destroy my very existence, and all I could do was scream at night! I'm sure _you_ wouldn't want the memory of a Death Eater raping both you and your sister and then returning to torture both you and your unborn child, a child conceived thanks to that violation, and leaving your sister for dead!"

She had silenced him.

"Did Mr. Lansdell know?"

"You can call him Neil, Severus," she suddenly revelled in the fact that she had used his first name. " And he knew as soon as I doubled up on the ice, howling in pain," she said simply. "I delivered a stillborn fetus in a public toilet, and as I held him--- yes, I know my child was a boy--- in my hands, blood-stained and all, I was taken to a Muggle hospital, and that was it. To _this day,_ I am not welcomed in my parent's home."

"And this place is?"

"I paid for this house through money I earned from skating competitions, my parents have not offered nor will they ever set foot in here."

Severus did not flinch.

"If that is the truth..."

"I speak nothing but," she answered, wiping the stinging tears from her eyes. "Forgive me, Severus, what I said about you being attached to Lily, that was uncalled for. I did not wish for you to find out..."

"Which part? You knowing about Lily or your son?"

"Both," she confessed.

"Allison," he knelt down to his knees to face her, reaching out his hand. "I do not begrudge you knowing how dear Lily Evans, or Potter, as she became, was to me, though I must ask you not to repeat what you know."

She nodded feverishly.

"And I shall give you my word that I shall not breath a word of, to anyone, what I know about Jonathon."

She stared at him in surprise. Jonathon was the name she'd given her son, to be carried in her heart, so as to never forget him.

"Legilimency," he whispered.

She'd nearly forgotten how good of a legilimens Severus Snape was.

He took her hand in his. "I cannot say that I shall be able to accept you fully, as of yet, Allison. For only you, myself, Dumbledore, and that dunderhead Shacklebolt at the Ministry know that we are to be married. In short, until you and I are both ready to disclose this to others, we must act as though nothing is amiss."

With that, he laid a hand on her cheek, stood up from his position on the floor, and flooed through her fireplace.

**ooOoo**

Severus Snape could not believe what had transpired. He had just told Allison McCormack how much Lily had meant to him. _No one_ knew how much she had meant to him, not even her own son; the Golden Boy Harry Potter.

No one was a bit of an exaggeration. Albus Dumbledore knew, though Severus had sworn him to secrecy.

But, he mused, if he was to be bound to Allison he should not hide his past from her.

Yet there were some portions of his past that would scar her. She would not be able to comprehend just what he had done. He had watched helpless, innocent men, women, and children---Muggle and non-Muggle alike--- die at the hands of a madman obsessed.

He had these deaths on his conscience, he could not burden her with what he lived with everyday.

He ended up back in his chambers for the reminder of the day. With no obnoxious students roaming through the hallways and distrubing the quiet, he reviewed his options.

There _was_ no other option.

He would have to marry Allison McCormack.

Marry her and have children with her.

He had long since decided that he would never have children. He could not stand the thought of adopting the same vigilantic attitude as his own father. Tobias Snape had never forgiven his mother for being a witch. From his earliest memories he could still hear the screams and see his father's foreboding shadow. He had spent his days alone, learning to survive.

That was, until he had met Lily Evans.

In many ways, Allison reminded him of his long lost love, of Lily Evans. Lost many years before to a man he despised.

But as he knew, it would do no good to look back now.

Lily Evans was his past, and Allison McCormack his future.


	3. Bleed for Me

**g: A lot of unexpected things may happen as the story progresses. Thanks for the review.**

**Ashes Falling: Thank you so much for all your lovely comments. I hereby dedicate this chapter to you. Thanks for the review.**

**Special thanks to my beta rejazzz for the song suggestion.**

**ooOoo**

_Bleed for me, I didn't care to notice you, now I'm stuck on a line. Bleed for me, I didn't care to be with you. Now you're stuck, in my mind_

_Bleed for Me- Saliva_

**ooOoo**

Of course neither or them were comfortable with the present arrangement. Allison McCormack had been placed in Gryffindor House (which was how she had befriended Hermione Granger, though Hermione was a year older than herself), and he in his own chambers, which was fine. It was the fact that they needed to conceal the fact that they were betrothed that erked her.

However, Severus was not ready to reveal the truth, and she knew that if she could keep herself from revealing their secret, she could be trusted with anything he had to offer her.

One afternoon, she had earned herself a trip to the hospital wing, thanks to a misfired hex from one particularly over exuberant Ravenclaw student in the corridors. Cuts had appeared in places he had never expected them to show. The most significant of these cuts were located on her stomach and under her ribcage, he could see them through her torn robes. He had asked her good friend Edward to escort her to Madam Pomfrey. As she past he saw she had given him a small smile, but it was not noticable to anyone other than himself.

Their plan was working. This was exactly as they had agreed, they had to act as though nothing was amiss, and no one was the wiser.

It was later in the evening, just after curfew, that he went to see her.

Upon seeing her covered in bandages, he couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye. Something about her eyes irked him. Instead of being vibrant and full of life (arrogance, as he'd often come to expect from her, being a Gryffindor), they were cold, empty.

Nothing could have affected him more than seeing not Allison's face staring back at him, but Lily's.

He ran his fingers down her arm only once and turned on his heel, black robes billowing out behind him.

**ooOoo**

"Professor Snape was here earlier, dear," Madam Pomfrey told her, "now lie back, otherwise I'll be forced to put you to sleep again."

"Did he say anything?"

"No dear, now lie back."

"But..."

"Do not argue with me, young lady. You may be of age, but you are still my patient. I do not take treatments lightly."

"Yes Ma'am, I realize as such, but I must speak with Professor Snape..."

"Whatever could be so important that you cannot wait for another three hours?"

"I don't mean to offend, but that is a matter between Professor Snape and myself."

"Well, when you are looking less peaky, I shall send for him. Will that suffice?"

Allison nodded.

Once Madam Pomfrey had treated her injuries with the contents of a tiny bottle, which she immediately recognized as Essence of Dittany, she lay on her back, staring at the ceiling, barely able to move thanks to the bandages and her left arm in a sling.

"That wasn't so difficult, was it?" the medi-witch asked as she opened the door. "I'll send for Professor Snape now, if you wish, dear."

"Yes Madam," Allison kept her eyes on the ceiling, wishing she were anywhere but lying in the Hospital Wing. It was just a series of cuts, they would heal on their own. She had the bandages, and the sling, why couldn't she go back to Gryffindor Tower, or at least get up and walk around, find something to read, maybe?

It was all of five minutes later that Severus appeared next to her.

"How are you feeling, Miss McCormack?" he asked, drawing a chair up beside the bed.

She gave him a stern look, but then she realized Madam Pomfrey was still in the room, busying herself with reorganizing her cupboards. That was the only reason he had addressed her by her last name instead of her first.

"Not bad, Professor," she winked. "But, I was going to ask you, about that essay..."

"My presence is insignificant, I see..." Madam Pomfrey removed herself from the room. "Oh, and Professor, I must ask you to keep this exchange under an hour."

"As you wish, Poppy," he smiled cheekily at the mediwitch, who turned and shut the door behind the two of them.

"Cast a silencing charm, would you?" she asked. "I have something to say that I would rather certain ears _not_ overhear."

"Something wrong with your wand?"

"Madam Pomfrey's got it. I don't get it back until she discharges me."

"Ah," Severus waved his wand and cast the charm, as well as erecting a blind around her cot. "So, what is this about? Poppy--- Madam Pomfrey--- when she sent for me, told me it was absolutely imperitive that you see me."

"It is, it is," she insisted, sitting up and repositioning her pillow behind her back. "I saw you in here eariler, you know," she smirked.

"I don't doubt it," he acknowledged.

"You still see Lily when you look at me, don't you?"

Silence befeld him.

"You can tell me the truth, Severus," she reached out her hand and placed it over his.

His mouth moved, but no sound came. Instead, he could only nod. If his expression were not so hardened by a life marred by abuse, murder, and heartbreak, she could swear she saw a flicker of emotion in his black eyes.

"I thought so," she whispered. "I am not trying to take Lily's place, Severus. And as you said you cannot accept me fully as of yet, and I am not asking you to. All I'm asking is that you give me a chance."

"What sort of chance?"

Her sheepish grin made him uneasy.

What sort of chance was she talking about?


	4. The Impossible

**rejazzz: So glad you love it! Here's more :) Thanks for the review**

**Ashes Falling: No talk of children or the wedding yet, but this chapter deals with a very emotional event and the toll its taken on Allison. Thanks for the review.**

**ooOoo**

_Unsinkable ships, sink. Unbreakable walls, break. Sometimes the things you think will never happen, happen just like that. Unbendable steel, bends. If the fury of the wind is unstoppable. I've learned to never underestimate, the impossible._

_The Impossible- Joe Nichols_

**ooOoo**

"I'm talking about the chance to realize that loving another doesn't constitute loving Lily any less."

She could swear she saw him twitch.

"One can only take so much grief and guilt before they break," Allison whispered.

Severus set his jaw.

"And Severus?" she reached up to touch his cheek.

He cocked his eyebrows once to acknowledge her.

"There is nothing wrong with confiding in someone."

To her surprise, he removed her hand from his cheek, took her hand in his, and kissed it.

"Sleep well, Allison," he let go of her hand. Upon doing so he lifted the silencing charm, removing the blind, turned and left the Hospital Wing, Madam Pomfrey bustling in after him.

"Oh finally!" the mediwitch hurried over to her and gripped her wrist, checking her wrist. "I swear, I cannot finish one simple task without someone wishing to bang down the door."

Allison decided that for once, silence was golden.

"Well dear, you can go in about another hour," Madam Pomfrey informed her. "And yes, you may have your wand back once I discharge you."

_You already told me that._

"Thank you," she resisted the urge to jump off the cot and run back to Gryffindor Tower in nothing but a pair of paisley pajamas.

An hour passed, and Allison was finally released. Clutching her wand in the inside pocket of her robes, she bypassed the quickest way to Gryffindor House and headed toward the dungeons, hoping to Merlin that no one would be patroling the corridors at this time of night.

Upon hiding behind various corners from Mrs. Norris, Argus Filch's cat (who seemed to be in more than one place at one time), and small flickers of light (which she could only assume was from Professors casting _lumos,_ their wands alight in search of students out of bed). Assuming that no one had seen her, she reached out and knocked on the heavy door she believed to be the entrance to Severus Snape's chambers.

"Allison, what are you doing out of bed at this time of night?" he asked as he opened the door.

"I'm heading home for the weekend. There's someone I need to see."

"Is it Neil?"

"No, Severus, I..." she stopped. "Are you jealous?"

"Of course not!" Severus answered. "What gave you the notion?"

She smirked. "Though I must admit I haven't heard from him since the school year started. I should probably check in with him, actually, and see how he's doing. Anyway, I just thought I'd let you know."

"Far be it for me to forbid you from doing as you wish," Severus shook his head slightly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Seeing as we are..." she lowered her voice, "soon to be bonded, I thought I should let you know... in case... I was needed."

"Not to worry," Severus nodded. "If the Headmaster wishes to see you, I'll let him know you are otherwise... indisposed."

She nodded and turned to head back to Gryffindor Tower, where she was sure she would be confronted with the rather annoyed portrait of the Fat Lady, who she knew would chastise her for being out of bed.

Shoes clicking down the corridor left Severus with no choice but to grab her arm, clamp a hand down over her mouth, and pull her into his chambers, pinning her against the wall.

She let a small squeal slip against his hand.

"Shh," he insisted, his hand releasing her and falling to his side. Shielding her behind the door, he looked out into the hall to see none other than Minerva McGonagall walking toward him.

"Severus," she whispered.

"Minerva," he acknowledged her. "Can I ask what you're doing down here so late?"

"I could swear I heard footsteps."

"Are you quite certain it was not just that meddlesome poltergeist dropping boots down the corridors, seeing as he joys in terrorizing students and Professors alike?"

"Might have been, far be it for me to assume otherwise, but seeing as none of us are perfect individuals, it does not hurt to make sure."

"No it does not. Though I assure you there is no one down here," Severus moved to shut the door. "Have a good night."

"You as well," he answered, shutting the door and turning back to Allison, who still seemed to be plastered against the wall.

"You may Floo through my fireplace, if you wish."

She gave him a small smirk, took a handful of Floo Powder, and disappeared into the green flames.

**ooOoo**

As soon as she was back in the house, she ran into the broom shed and grabbed her bicycle. No one was guess she was a witch if she rode her bike to her destination. Truth be told she didn't have a car, though she knew how to drive.

However, she didn't even stop to think about that as she rode as quickly as she could down the road toward the cemetary.

When she got there she got off the bike, leaned it against the fence, and went around the barrier, walking down the rows to where she recognized the name on the headstone.

_Noelle Eileen McCormack_

_13 December 1982- 15 July 1996_

_Beloved daughter, sister, and friend _

"_My precious, precious child, I would never leave you, and this you know. When you only saw one set of footprints, I did not leave you. When you only saw one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." _

She traced the name with her index finger and sank to her knees.

"Hi Noli..." she whispered, her fingers now tracing her birthdate. "Sorry I haven't been to see you in a while... school and skating, you know how it is."

The cemetary was silent except for a few leaves rustling in the wind.

"There's um..." she swallowed dryly. "There's this new law, in my world..."

Noelle, being a Muggle--- Allison was the only one in her family to have been found to possess any sort of magical ability---, had not judged Allison (the only one in her family to do so), but instead chose to embrace it as best she could. To make things more comfortable for them when speaking in public, Noelle had referred to Hogwarts as "your world", as opposed to the world Noelle herself knew.

"There's this new law in my world, and it says that I have to get married by the time I'm seventeen..." Allison could feel the tears welling in her eyes. "That's only a few months away, Noli, and truth be told, I wish you were here with me."

The wind was picking up strength, she could feel it.

"You always told me you wanted to be at my wedding, to be my bridesmaid, but I guess that won't happen now. I'll still save an empty for you, you'll still be there..."

And suddenly she couldn't hold back the tears. She gripped the top of her sister's headstone and hung her head.

"I'm sorry, Noli, I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "It should have been me, you had your whole life ahead of you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

She felt a hand grip her shoulder from behind as they sank to their knees behind her.

"I'm sorry, Noli, I'm sorry," she repeated as an arm wrapped across her chest and pulled her close. The strong arms shifted position and were now hugging her, though they said nothing.

And at that point, it was all she needed.


	5. Dance with the Devil

**Ashes Falling: I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Thank you for taking the time to share that with me, and thank you for the review, I do try my best.**

**Amberglass: If I told you who it was it would ruin the plot :). Thanks for the review**

**.the.artful.dodger.v2: I would like to thank you so very much for your constructive criticism and for looking over this chapter before I posted it. I hope this chapter satisfies. Believe me, I couldn't have done it without you. :) As such, I dedicate this chapter to you**

**Secret world: I'm glad you enjoy it so much. Thanks for the review**

**rejazzz: Since you love it so much I have posted the next chapter :). Thanks for the review**

**ooOoo**

_I believe in you. I can show you that, I can see right through, all your empty lies. I won't stay long, in this world so wrong_

_Dance with the Devil- Breaking Benjamin_

**ooOoo**

She could barely believe she was in this position. On her knees, in front of her sister's headstone, someone's arms wrapped around her shoulders, keeping her from collapsing. She could feel the wind beginning to die as it blew through the branches of the trees. Of course, being late September, she could hardly say she didn't expect the weather to change as it was.

There was a slight crunching sound as she shifted from her current stature, forcing whoever was holding her to let go. She still couldn't see who it was, and right then she didn't really care.

Yet curiousity goaded her as the last of her tears fell ambiguously into the leaves resting by her hands. Turning, she saw who it was, his short dirty blond hair recognizable under his hat, his gloved hands held out to her in a jesture of both comfort and penence.

"Oh!" she jumped a little, placing a hand over her heart and closing her eyes from a moment, as though determined to make sure he was really there. "Neil, what are you doing here?"

"Rink's closed today," he answered, lowering his hands to his sides. "Something about upgrading the plumbing, plus the zamboni's broken, so..."

"Still doesn't answer my question," she quipped. "If the rink was closed, I would've figured it out on my own. Are you telling me you came all the way out from downtown to tell me the rink was closed?"

"Well since you weren't at home, this was the next logical place."

She shook her head in near disgust, her copper hair flying in her face.

"Look, Neil," she bit down on her lip to keep herself from spewing the obscenities that had crept to the forefront of her brain. "It's a nice gesture and all that jazz, but honestly..." she shook her head again and turned her gaze toward the leaves littering the area around Noelle's headstone. "Fuck, I don't even know how to finish this sentence..."

He looked to her quizzily as she shivered, got to her feet, and ran her hands down her arms in an attempt to warm herself up. Following her lead, he took off his coat and wrapped the jacket around her shoulders.

"What do you mean?" he asked, breaking the pregnant silence that had settled between them as they walked back to the fence.

"Never mind, Neil," she turned to him with a look of sadness in her eyes. She cupped his cheek with her hand, and quickly retracted it and looking away from him. "You're a good friend, you know that?"

His mouth hung open slightly in suspended bewilderment. The words she spoke, they weren't making sense. Since when did she not know how to finish a sentence? And when had she been so scatterbrained she wasn't even sure why he had come to her side? She was his partner, she _meant _something to him, didn't she see that?

He watched her as she walked away from him.

"Allison?" he called just as she set her bike up again and swung her leg over to balance herself.

"Yes?" she asked, looking to him.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes Neil, I'm fine," she set off down the road. "I'll see you sometime, perhaps around Christmas, alright?"

And before he could answer, she rode down the road and turned the nearest corner.

**ooOoo**

Allison had considered actually turning down the small side street that would lead her back toward her childhood home; to where she had grown up.

But then she remembered it would only cause all parties involved unnecessary hardship. Her parents had said, in so many words, that if she walked out that door she would no longer be welcomed in their home.

For it was her fault that Noelle had died. If she hadn't been _abnormal..._

Well, needless to say she didn't need to hear that all over again.

So she returned home, placed her bicycle in the shed, and soon after was combing through the house looking for anything she may have missed when packing the day before she'd departed.

But it wasn't until she came across the letter from the Ministry regarding the Marriage Law that the memories came flooding back. The tears were beginning to sting as the walls, painted a soft blue, became blurry, and a few stray tears dropped on to the parchment.

She hadn't sent a reply back to them, nor did she have any intention of doing so. But then she remembered...

Dumbledore would have sent something in on her behalf once he had given her her own copy of the letter. Or so she thought, anyway.

She didn't have the strength to go through with this! She _couldn't _be getting _married! _Not at seventeen, it was just too early... _why_ couldn't the Ministry have left well enough alone and let them all get on with their lives? For all she knew Severus Snape may not have ever planned to marry, let alone have children, and now it was to be forced upon him. Surely he would hate her for such a thing.

And strangely enough, she felt comforted by this.

If he hated her, she wouldn't have to face how she felt about him.

Which was... well she couldn't exactly put her finger on it. She didn't want to be bonded to him any more than he did. He would insist that he was too old for her, and that he would not make her pay for his past mistakes. The more she pulled away, the better. If she distanced herself, he'd be free to mourn Lily all he wanted, and she could leave Hogwarts and the wizarding world behind. No harm, no foul.

But that wasn't an option. She had no choice...

It was unfair.

And she'd thought Kingley Shacklebolt was more reasonable than either Fudge or Scrimgeour. As Head of the Auror Office, he had seen some gruesome things, and people had hoped that it would have made him reconsider some of the laws that had been in place before Voldemort's downfall. Arranged Marriages (mostly between two pure-blooded wizards, to keep magical blood within all magic families), were one of them.

Apparently not.

Perfect! Fucking dandy! The Ministry had paired her with the one person _no one _would want, and she still didn't see how her relationship with Neil had put her in jeporady. He knew nothing of the wizarding world, why would he pose a threat?

Or was it that she posed the threat?

If she left the partnership and all that they had worked for, she would have to tell him why.

But in the Muggle world, arranged marriages were seldom heard of, except in specific cultures. In England she was sure arranged marriages had phased out in the seventeen or eighteen hundreds. With no ring and no previous hint of her having an interest in anyone before, she knew he would probably laugh and think she was pulling a rather nasty prank.

She'd never actually told Neil of her abilities, thinking that he would never understand the gravity of her... condition, for lack of a better word.

When she'd turned eleven and received her Hogwarts letter, all she'd told him was that she had been accepted to a new school in Scotland, and that she would only see him during the holidays and in the summer months.

She'd fully expected him to find another partner, as training together during those few months that she was home would have been useless. Most partner teams had been training together all year round, working to find each other's strengths and weaknesses, to know how to use them to their advantage. As she'd told Dumbledore, excessive amounts of time were spent on perfecting the technique, the music, the program...

The illusion.

Yes, it was the illusion of love that was so carefully coiffed.

Neil Lansdell had refused to take another partner, though his reasons were essentially unknown. It did not make sense to Allison, but if it made sense to him, then so be it.

But if he annoyed her she could always threaten to hex him.

Instead he trained as a singles skater until she returned. The competitions they entered were few and far between, but still they had managed to work their way to the top. It had not been easy, mind you. In fact, Allison could remember one such a time when she had been balanced in his one hand as Neil lifted her and spun. Unfortunately, the toe pick at the top of his skate blade had caught in the ice, sending her to the ice amid a shower of snow. She had landed quite painfully on her side, the resounding SMACK had echoed throughout the entire arena.

Unable to move for well over fifteen minutes, she had picked herself up and skated off the ice. She had been left with a rather hefty bruise for her efforts.

During a competition he had actually thrown her as part of their dance routine, but she had hit the boards, the wind knocked out of her so badly that she'd been unable to finish. As a result, they had been disqualified and awarded a WD (withdrawn) statement. It would save face as well as preserving a chance for them to compete again at a later date.

And now, as they were both nearly adults, they had agreed that, at some point, they would need to seperate. There had been buzz for a long while that Allison McCormack and Neil Lansdell would be at the top of the pile for years to come. This, however, would only happen if both partners were willing to continue.

And while she knew that Neil enjoyed it, she wasn't sure she did.

Not anymore at least.

He understood that it had taken her a while to get over her sister's death; he wasn't stupid. Death was not a walk in the park. When she'd collapsed on the ice screaming in pain, he'd immediately called for an ambulance. Upon seeing her emerge from the bathroom, her hands bloodied and her eyes full of tears, he'd stayed by her side until they'd gotten to the hospital.

Yet why couldn't she bring herself to let him down gently? She couldn't pretend to be a Muggle forever; she had to leave him behind somehow.

She had the _why,_ the only questions were the _when _and _how._

It was the question that plagued her as she grabbed what she was missing, took a handful of Floo Powder, shouted "Gryffindor Common Room", and the familiar _whoosh_ of air through her ears let her know she would be back at Hogwarts in a matter of minutes.

For the life of her she couldn't find a solution, and it was the first time she had cried herself to sleep since she'd lost Noelle.


	6. Late Goodbye

**Amberglass: Here's the next chapter. Thanks for the review**

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**jules.b: Thank you. Hope you enjoy this next chapter.**

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**Special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2 for looking over this before I posted it. Your help is very much appreciated. **

**ooOoo**

_The devil grins from ear to ear when he sees the hand he's dealt us. Points at your flaming hair and then playing hide and seek. I can't breathe easy here as our trails gone cold behind us. Till in the john mirror you stare at yourself grown old and weak_

_Late Goodbye- Poets of the Fall_

**ooOoo**

Allison awoke the next morning to find her blankets scattered on the floor and her arms wrapped around her knees. She must have curled into a fetal position after she'd fallen asleep the night before.

When she awoke, she was the only one, from what she could gather, still in bed. Either everyone had gone into Hogsmeade- there had been a visit planned for weeks- or they were all out and about the castle.

But she, however, had no desire to go anywhere. She wanted to stay hidden, away from

prying eyes and questions she did not wish to answer. Visiting Noelle had taken a toll on her, and she knew it would take a few days before she'd be able to function fully again.

Monday morning came all too soon for her, with the first class of the day being double Potions. Oh how she was _so_ looking forward to that. Over three hours with Severus Snape among her classmates. Three hours with twenty Gryffindors and Slytherins who had, until the previous year, hated each other on principle, and a partisan Professor in favour of Slytherin House.

How perfect.

As she drudged toward the dungeons with her head down and clutching her books to her chest, she opened the heavy wooden door and slid into the nearest available seat; at the back of the class. That way, if she decided she didn't want to pay attention, she could do so without anyone (particularly a certain Potions Master) noticing.

She spent the entire lesson scribbling useless notes and drawings in a blank journal she kept hidden in the front of her textbook. Since most of her books were so heavy the thin journal was virtually unrecognizable. It wasn't until she had almost wasted the lesson that she saw a hand reach over her shoulder, snatch the journal from underneath her quill, and heard a certain voice.

"Miss McCormack, see me after class." He hissed through bared teeth as he walked past her desk, holding the small book between extremely pale fingers.

She mentally cursed him as he went to sit at his desk once more and picked up his quill. She moved to protest, but she was interrupted by the bell signaling the end of class.

Perhaps she could sneak by him among the crowd of students heading toward the door and get out into the hallway before he had a chance to reprimand her, but as she soon came to realize, the lock on the door sealed itself from any sort of magical penetration (that she could think to use, anyway).

"Miss McCormack," he addressed her again.

She stood with her back to him and said nothing in return.

"Miss McCormack."

Her fists clenched in frustration.

"Allison," he tried once more.

She turned to face him, still refusing to say anything.

He held the journal in one hand and leaned over the stack of parchment he had been looking over.

"Care to explain to me why you were scribbling in this whilst I was teaching?" his voice was steady, unnerving. His black eyes were stoic, his face expressionless. Her fists unclenched and she held her hand out.

"May I have it back, sir?" she asked, her mouth twitching into a defying smirk. "I swear I won't do this again."

Severus narrowed his eyes at the young woman who was soon to be his wife. Reluctantly, he moved to hand it to her, though he did not let go until she opened her mouth to explain herself.

"Truth be told, Professor I didn't see the need to listen in your class today."

Cheeky, the whole lot of them. "And might I ask what was so enchanting about a simple Muggle journal that it caused you to ignore the material presented in this class?"

"I..."

Damn it, he'd rendered her speechless. The more she ran through her excuses and explanations in her head, the more childish and weak they seemed. She could only stare at him in surprise, her mouth hanging open.

"Hmph," he snorted, letting go of the journal, thereby releasing it back into her hands. "Well, Miss McCormack, I suppose that if you were to serve detention with me tonight, it would not be lost on you. Perhaps it will remedy any other truant behaviour on your part. Seven o'clock, and I suggest you be on time," he leaned forward over his desk to match her gaze. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes sir," she turned her head to avoid having to look into those seemingly black eyes.

"Very well," he waved his hand carelessly, and she knew he had unlocked the door. "You may go."

She left the Potions classroom with her backpack thrown over one shoulder, the journal and her Potions textbooks in her arms, and the feeling of defeat swelling in her chest.

In that journal, thank Merlin he had not read it, she had been scribbling down ideas on how to tell Neil that she needed to walk away from the partnership. She had debated between an elaborate scheme that included changing her name, telling him that she had some type of foreign, otherwise unknown disease and dying from said disease, and telling the truth. The truth being that she was to be married and that she posed a threat to him.

And, if she was honest, she would've preferred to tell him she was dying rather than see the look that she knew would cross his face when she revealed that she was engaged and leaving him.

This would be so much easier if she could find a way to say goodbye to Neil right then and get it over with.

**ooOoo**

She had been wandering the halls lost in her thoughts when the idea struck her.

Of course! Why hadn't she thought of it before? The Room of Requirement. She remembered it from where Harry Potter (though she had no particular attachment to him) had hosted secret meetings of Dumbledore's Army (the DA), when Voldemort had first returned to power and Dolores Umbridge had slowly gained power and taken over Hogwarts.

She made her way to the seventh floor corridor and paced the floor where the portrait of the fruit bowl hung. Normally the fruit bowl signified the entrance to the Hogwarts kitchens. _This_ portrait, however, hid an even greater secret. Allison knew that all she had to do was walk past the portrait three times repeating a clear instruction, and the unthinkable would appear.

_I need a quiet place to think. I need a quiet place to think. I need a quiet place to think._

And then it appeared. A large, wooden door in the middle of the wall. Smiling to herself, Allison pushed it open and stepped inside.

The room had transformed itself into a safe haven for her. There was a single bed in one corner, a quaint desk at the end of the bed, and a large stuffed animal--- a stuffed bear, one which had become Allison's comfort from the time she had been three--- lay across the bed with its head resting nicely on a pillow.

Across the room stood a bookcase, filled with various Muggle classics, from David Copperfield by Charles Dickens to Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, and then on to The Shipping News by E. Annie Proulx, and even To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Allison has attempted to read Little Women, but had never really been able to enjoy it. To Kill a Mockingbird had been a favourite of hers. She couldn't really put her finger on why, though. Perhaps she liked the fact that every girl deserved a father like Atticus Finch. Kind, understanding, tolerant... something she herself didn't have. Don't we all want what we can't have?

On the desk she saw several notebooks and journals, with quills and ink for writing things down. Things like ideas, for instance. Ideas on how to let a certain young figure skating partner down gently.

But her mind was completely blank. She did not know, and nothing was coming to fruition.

_I need someone to talk to. I need someone to talk to. I need someone to talk to._

Suddenly a witch wearing robes of brilliant green appeared beside her on the bed.

"Hermione?" she jumped back to her pillow, hugging the stuffed bear to her chest.

The young woman smiled at her.

"Hello Allison," she said kindly. "I guess the Room thought I was the best person for you to talk to."

"You're better at this kind of thing," Allison murmured.

The faintest tinge of pink appeared in Hermione's cheeks. "What kind of thing?"

"Relationships."

Hermione threw her head back and gave a hardy laugh. "Allie, I've never been in a relationship that lasted longer than a couple of months."

"What about the thing between you and that Ron Weasley?"

"What 'thing'?"

"You two seemed so happy together."

"Well of _course_everyone's happy when you want the same things out of the relationship. Things start to change when one person wants something their partner isn't ready for."

"What?" Allison needed a few moments to ponder what had been said. "Oh..."

Hermione nodded in silent conformation. "Now I know you really don't want to talk about my failed relationship with Ron Weasley, because it's not important. What did you need to talk to me about?"

Allison's expression changed from cheery to trembling fear. Reaching into her backpack, she pulled out the already wrinkled and worn parchment and handing it to the girl sitting opposite her.

Hermione gingerly took the letter and read it in silence. Slowly her silence turned into a look of utter shock. Allison could swear she heard Hermione squeak a few times before regaining her composure and handing the parchment back to the copper-haired witch.

"Marriage Law?" Hermione was suddenly lost for words. "How did I not hear of this? _I'm_ Muggle-born, why did I not get a letter compelling me to this same fate?"

"I suppose the Ministry still thinks you and Ron Weasley are together. I guess they're assuming you and he are going to be married soon. Since you're Muggle-born and he's a pure-blood..."

"Say no more, say no more," Hermione nodded. "Well, most assuredly, I don't see myself marrying _anyone_ anytime soon, we'll let the Ministry keep their noses clean and their records neat."

Allison rolled her eyes and got up from the bed. "I don't have a choice!" She turned back to Hermione with tears in her eyes. "I have to get married and get pregnant within a year! And here you are telling me you're going to fool the Ministry!"

"Oh no, Allie, I didn't mean it like that." Hermione got up and put a comforting arm around Allison's shoulder. "Come on, tell me, why is this such a trying situation? Besides the obvious, I mean."

Allison suppressed a sob and managed to turn it into a hiccough.

"Do you remember me telling you about my skating partner, Neil Lansdell?"

"The skinny blond boy in all those portraits you had in your dormitory?" Hermione helped Allison back to the bed. "Yes. You said he refused to find himself a new partner after you told him you were coming to Hogwarts."

"I didn't tell him about Hogwarts. All I said was that I had been accepted to a school in Scotland, and that he couldn't come with me." Allison wiped at her tears with the back of her hand. "He was thirteen and heartbroken."

Hermione nodded, choosing that the best thing for her to do was listen.

"And now I have to break his heart again. We've worked so hard to get where we are, and I have to break up our partnership and leave him. He's worked _so_hard, Hermione. He resolved to skate as a singles skater until I returned. He's sacrificed so much for our partnership, and I know that once I tell him the truth he's going to hate me."

"You two have spent half your lives together. I doubt he'd hate you."

"Oh no, of course not." Allison's voice had that vein of sarcasm running through it. "Especially once I tell him I'm a threat to him and engaged to a man twice my age. Yes, he's going to jump up and down _begging_ to attend the service."

Hermione held up a hand in surprise. "Threat? What possible threat could you pose? You're in control of your magic."

"Hermione, I went to visit my sister's grave a few days ago. She suffered a terrible death simply because I'm a witch. Rogue Death Eaters got a hold of her and killed her in front of me, but not without raping us both for good measure. If they're still out there they're going to go after him and quite possibly kill him simply because he's connected to me."

Hermione blinked, once again lost for words.

"But... most of them are locked up in Azkaban."

"_Most_ of them, Hermione, that's the key._ Most_ of them. I still shudder at the thought of the bastard's body on me. And my sister's screams, begging him to stop. I won't have another... I won't..."

She collapsed to the floor and dissolved into tears. "I can't... not another death..."

Hermione had fallen to the floor in tandem. "Oh Allie..." she whispered quietly.

Allison composed herself a few minutes later, hugged Hermione tightly, and asked what she should do.

"Tell him the truth," Hermione answered. "I know it's not the answer you wanted to hear, but it's the best advice I could offer you. I won't tell you he'll understand because I know he won't, but it's the best hope you have."

"I can't do it on my own, 'Mione. I'm not strong enough."

"Rubbish," Hermione told her. "You've survived being attacked by Death Eaters, and you told me of the miscarriage you suffered from the pregnancy that resulted from that attack. All you're doing is telling Neil Lansdell the truth."

"Don't you think I _know_ that?" she answered. "And I may never see him again once Severus and I marry."

"I don't believe Severus Snape would keep you from seeing the young man you've spent over half your life with," Hermione answered, helping Allison to her feet. "Now come on, I'll go with you when you head back to Gryffindor Tower."

"What time is it, then?"

"It's..." Hermione checked the clock that had suddenly appeared on the wall. "four in the afternoon."

"What? We can't have been in here for _that_ long..."

"Believe it or not, we have been." Hermione put a firm hand to the small of Allison's back and gave her a push out the door. "Come on, you should be heading back to Gryffindor Tower."

"Shouldn't I..." Allison began.

"No," Hermione stopped her.

"I have detention at seven."

"Then you still have two hours to get some homework done, go down to dinner, and then head to your detention." Hermione slipped back into the Room of Requirement before Allison had time to protest. Turning around, the door had disappeared back into the wall before she could request for it to return.

Putting two fingers to her temples, she sighed in frustration and began her journey back to Gryffindor Tower. As she walked she muttered to herself, wishing all sorts of painful curses and hexes to be done to the next person who crossed her path.

"First sign of madness, talking to yourself," a portrait chided her and she walked past.

Out of thin air she conjured a blind and pulled it down over the man in the portrait who had offended her so. Without another word, she continued back to the Tower.

"_Fortuna Minor," _she mumbled to the Fat Lady, who looked back at her with sympathetic eyes and swung forward to admit her.

Without even thinking of where she was going, she went up to her bed, laid down, and fell asleep.

When she awoke, she looked to her watch and was horrified at what the time read: _7:15._


	7. Schizophrenic Conversations

**Thereare666WaystoLove: Here's the next chapter, thanks for the review**

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**Amberglass: Thank you.**

**Special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2. for the excellent beta job on this chapter. **

**ooOoo**

_So crawl inside, my head with me. I'll show you how it feels to be, fucked up like me. I'll show you how it feels to be, to blame like me. Ashamed like me._

_Schizophrenic Conversations- Staind_

**ooOoo**

Severus Snape did not look up from his marking as the door to his classroom opened noisily. He knew she was late, and he acknowledged this sentiment before she opened her mouth.

"Sit," he hissed at her as he stood to approach the desk where she was standing. Of course, it was at the back of the room; most inconvenient.

She complied.

"Professor?" she asked, tentatively as he passed the desk.

He looked at her, an impassive expression upon his face.

"What would you have me do?"

He did not answer. Instead, he set a piece of parchment down in front of her, along with a quill. Tentatively, she picked it up, looking at him with a confused look in her eyes.

Lines? Since when had Severus Snape given _lines_ as a detention? Was this another one of the quills Umbridge had forced people to use in detentions, cutting the words she had assigned them into the flesh in the back of their hands?

"The assignment I am giving you, Miss McCormack," he ignored the look she was giving him. It seemed she did not have the capacity to see that he saw no point in sending her out into the Forest with that--- giant, for want of something stronger--- Hagrid, as Dumbledore had done on previous occasions. "Is that you will be writing out what had you so fascinated in Potions class, to be handed into me by the end of this detention."

Her mouth suddenly dropped open. She would _not,_ under any circumstances, reveal to Severus, what had been written in that journal of hers. She had been trying to find a way to say goodbye to Neil, and _that, _in her opinion, was her business and her business alone. No matter if she was betrothed to the school's Potion's Master, she would not yield.

Scowling into her sleeve, she bent over the parchment and set to writing. She stopped only for a moment... no, there was no searing pain in the back of her hand. Coughing slightly, she watched as words detailing her assignment (or punishment, as it was warranted), appeared at the top of the parchment.

_Explain, in detail, the reason why the material in today's Potions class was ignored. Do not forget that Professor Snape shall be assessing this explanation and assigning it a grade. This, if satisfactory, shall be regarded as penance for your truant behaviour._

Allison couldn't help but feel that he had purposely waited until the end of class to walk over to her desk and snatch the journal out of her hands. She had been _so_ close to finishing her first draft of her plan...

When he'd taken it there was no mistaking the _fury_ she felt, the fear that he might read what she had written in the book. Upon getting it back she had felt nothing but sheer relief. The fact that he hadn't read any of it made her confident he had no idea of her plans. Legilimens or not, he had never invaded her mind for the purpose of turning her thoughts against her. Of course, she knew that nothing with Severus Snape was ever certain nor concrete. At any second, should he choose, he could have read her thoughts at any time she was alone with him. Instead, he had not.

Instead, he had asked her to write out why she hadn't been paying attention in class.

Glaring at him between the curls that were now hanging in front of her face, she set to her explanation.

_I guess if I have to write to the parchment as though it were a person I'd be able to explain myself and not have to worry about what I'm writing._

She smiled slightly at the thought, and touched the quill to said parchment.

_Parchment, _she began.

_Though I cannot see where you keep your brain--- it gave Ginny Weasley quite a bit of grief when she'd poured all her emotions into an enchanted diary a few years ago--- I don't suppose you'd be considered a Dark object. You're just a bit of parchment! A harmless bit of parchment! _

_Of course an old diary doesn't seem too conspicuous either, does it?_

_Considering a Hogwarts professor (and not Lucius Malfoy, a Death Eater by any account), placed you upon my desk, I suppose I'm safe. In regards to your question, you're asking me why I ignored the material presented in my Potions class today. The answer is simple, but also complex (that doesn't make much sense, does it?) Allow me to explain..._

_I received a letter from the Ministry of Magic at the end of July this year, stating that I must be married three months past my seventeenth birthday, and have given birth by the time I've turned eighteen. It is an arranged marriage, and there is only one man that has matched the eligibility requirements in my case, as set out by the Ministry._

_His name is Severus Snape. He is a professor here at Hogwarts, and his class is the class I chose to ignore today. I had been writing and scribbling in one of my old Muggle journals, trying to come up with a plan._

_Plan, you may ask? What sort of plan? Why would you need a plan? The reason for that is, again, simple yet complex._

_I am a figure skater. My partner and I have been together since the ages of seven and nine. Thanks to this marriage law, I am now engaged to Professor Snape, and I must figure out a way to let Neil down gently and tell him that I must leave him and our partnership. I pose a threat to him, because I am a witch, and he is a Muggle. He does not know that I am a witch, and I am doing everything in my power to keep it as such. This is no easy feat, because Neil has sacrificed a great deal so that we, as ice dancing partners, would have a chance to work our way up from the bottom, and show the world what we are capable of. I am terrified at what he will say, or do, once I tell him the truth. I do not know if he will raise his voice, or cry, or profess his seemingly undying desire to make me happy (he has already done so on many an occasion--- bit annoying really--- but I digress). _

_I was just finishing the first draft of my plan during Potions when the journal was confiscated. The pages were starting to fill with my _brilliant_ thoughts (I use this term loosely and with sarcasm), and I know the first draft is both impractical and improbable. I've debated back and forth between an elaborate plan that includes mention of dragon pox, and telling him the truth._

_I've decided I'm going to tell Neil the truth, but I don't know how I'm going to do so. That is the next stage of my plan._

_So, now I have stated the reason for ignoring Professor Snape's Potions class. It was, admittedly, something important (but this is guesswork. How would I know? I wasn't actually listening). I've sworn to Professor Snape that it shan't happen again, and it won't. I know there's a time and place to be working on this plan, and it is not during Potions class, at the back of said classroom. _

_Hopefully, this explanation is satisfactory, and I hope he won't give me further detention, because this was not something I was intending to repeat. Another detention may mean question after question about why I've kept this from everyone around me..._

Before she could sign her name or protest, the parchment flew out from underneath her quill and on to Severus' desk. Damn it, he'd given the parchment a non-verbal command, and it had worked!

"You may go, Miss McCormack," he said between bared teeth.

"But, sir, I wasn't..."

"I said you may leave," he hissed again, turning away from her.

And without another word, Allison nodded, quietly slipping out of the classroom and closing the door behind her.

**ooOoo**

Severus Snape read over the paper he had taken from her just before she had left the classroom. Cheeky little bint! The 'explanation' merely consisted of facts he was already aware of, barely an explanation in his opinion. Nevertheless, he did not want to see her anymore than was of absolute necessity. She was barely seventeen years old, and his student, he reminded himself.

_Yes Severus, she's barely seventeen years old, but have you forgotten she's also your __fiancée?. _A voice in his head reminded him. _She's quite intelligent, mind you. To keep something like this plan hidden from you for as long as she has._

Severus squeezed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose and sitting back in his chair.

_Plans? Pain? Secrecy? What does she know of these things?_ he asked himself.

_Oh yes, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you? You were always devising elaborate plans to escape home, weren't you? You learned pain from your father's belt, secrecy at his knee. And your poor mother, helpless in her own right, unable to save you._

_Say nothing more of this, I forbid it! _he shouted to the voice in his head.

_Who are you to forbid me from saying anything? _the voice chided._ I am in your head, I am part of you._

_I will not yield to you!_

_Oh but you have,_ the voice chided him again._ You are speaking back to me, aren't you?_

_I shall not..._

_Oh yes you shall,_ the voice insisted._ I am always here to remind you Severus, and I am not always this lenient. I am just as vindictive as you are._

_You are nothing but a voice in my head! _

_Aren't most of us driven to madness by the voices in our head, Severus? _The voice was taunting him. _Did you not swear to keep Harry Potter safe to stop me from weighing you down?_

_You've never left..._

_That's right, Severus, I've never left._ The voice was agreeing wthwith him now. _I am always here, as is Lily._

_Lily is _dead!

_Of course Lily is dead, why do you remind yourself of such things? Though she is dead that does not mean she is not still part of you..._

_She cannot be!_

_And why can she not be?_

_Because Allison McCormack is my future, and Lily is my past._

_Ah,_ Severus could imagine the disembodied voice nodding in agreement. _But you are not willing to let Lily go, are you? _

_Enough! _Severus silently shouted at the voice, ripping himself from his thoughts and sliding down the wall of the dungeon to tuck his knees under his chin.


	8. Midnight Angel

**Ashes Falling: Yet another comment that gives me more confidence! There's another conversation in this chapter, but it's with someone else. Thanks for the review**

**CarlyJo: Severus isn't going crazy, he's just struggling with himself. Thanks for the review**

**Amberglass: Schizophrenic is a term used to describe someone who is suffering from schizphrenia, which is really difficult to explain. Whatever explanation I could give wouldn't be sufficient, because I know nothing about it. Thanks for the review though.**

**rejazzz: So glad you loved the chapter! Here's the next one, like you hoped for. Thanks for the review.**

**ooOoo**

_Midnight angel, meet me down, by the water's edge and the harbour town. I'll bring the lock, you bring the key. Midnight angel comfort me._

_Midnight Angel- Jimmy Rankin_

**ooOoo**

Allison now sat in her dormitory, seemingly unaware of her surroundings. Downstairs people were celebrating, but for what she could care less. For all she knew some poor first or second year had gotten a hold of something from that jokeshop in Diagon Alley. What was it again? Weasley's Wizard Wheezes? From the wretching sounds she could hear it sounded as though whomever had swallowed the sweet had not known that it was a Puking Pastille, and was now splattering the carpet with sick.

But someone else could deal with that, she mused. Right now she needed to work out the next part of her plan. Her bed was littered with crumpled pages of notes and failed drawings. All she had to show for her two hours of continued work was a short list comprising of:

**Step 1**: Convince Severus it's time for an engagement ring

**Step 2**: Return home using Hogwarts Express and Underground (less suspicious that way)

**Step 3**: Wish Neil and family a happy Christmas, take Neil to dinner

**Step 4**: Show Neil ring and explain everything best I can

**Step 5**: Offer thousand rounds of apologies

**Step 6**: Repeat Step 5 ad nauseum.

Of course it all_ seemed _simple enough. Convincing Severus, however, was another matter. He was not yet ready to accept her as his fiancée, let alone put a ring on her finger. He was not one to wear his heart on his sleeve, and this she knew. The chances of him presenting her with an engagement ring were slim to none, not when he did not feel as though he could love her.

How could someone fall in love in three months time? She was not sure if she felt any sort of affection toward the man to whom she was betrothed. He was a vindictive professor who seemed to enjoy nothing more than making his students endure torturous amounts of homework, and when it was not completed taking points from their houses.

Perhaps if she convinced him that she only wanted the ring as part of her plan...

And then what? Give it back? Start over with him? _Oh here, darling, I only needed it for this one purpose, have it back. Go on back to mourning Lily. _

If Severus Snape were to give her _anything,_ she knew it would only be if he saw a need of it. She had never spent more than two or three hours on her own with him. If this was all the contact the two of them would have before they were bound to each other, then the rest of their days were going to be extremely tense and cold.

Not a good environment to bring a child up in.

_What?_

No no! Why the hell was she thinking of something like that? Children were a _long_ way off. There was no way Severus Snape would _ever_ take a student into his bed, fiancée or not. Her seventeenth birthday was not for another three weeks. He hadn't so much as kissed her hand yet!

Wait, that wasn't entirely true. He _had_ kissed her hand when she had ended up in the hospital wing earlier, but that didn't exactly count as a display of affection, did it? It was more of a respectful kiss to acknowledge he had listened to her advice of confiding in someone.

Well, she knew that if her plan was going to work, she would have to do the unthinkable, and ask Severus for an engagement ring.

**ooOoo**

The morning came too soon for Allison McCormack. She rolled over, and all of the sudden she hit the floor with a soft thud. Pulling herself up, she quickly dressed and hastily pulled a hairbrush through her tangled hair. She darted out through the portrait hole and ran down the corridor toward the dungeons.

She half expected another Professor to stop her as she ran, but to her surprise she was alone. Could it be the fact that it was so early that those patrolling the corridors had all gone to the Great Hall for an early breakfast? Or that they were all still asleep?

Highly unlikely, both scenarios. Well she wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth, and she continued her journey to the dungeons. Upon realizing she hadn't thought to grab a sweater, her arms suddenly erupted in goosebumps as she reached the door to Severus' chambers.

When she knocked, it seemed to echo throughout the corridor.

It took all of thirty seconds for Severus to answer the door.

"Yes, Miss McCormack?" he asked as she pushed a stray hair from her face.

"Um..." she gulped, suddenly aware of how dry her mouth was. "Sorry, sir, but I needed to ask you something..."

Severus stared at her, as though he was giving her permission to continue.

"Professor, I know you're aware of my plans to let Neil Lansdell go gently, and um..."

"I am only aware of this thanks to that paltry explanation you gave me," he sneered. "Enchanted diaries and asking parchment where it keeps its brain. Complete and utter nonsense... but yes, I am aware. Go on..."

"And..." she cast her eyes toward the dungeon floor. "Part of letting him go would be for me to reveal that I'm engaged. Knowing Neil and owing to the fact that I've never shown interest in anyone before, he won't believe me unless there's a ring on my finger."

Severus nodded.

"Are you asking me as your Professor or as your betrothed?"

"The latter," she answered, though a little hastily. "I can't leave him hanging like this, Severus, it's tearing me apart."

She saw him clench his jaw in thought.

"I am not planning to go home until Christmas," she continued, almost in desperation, "and even then I am only asking for the ring as a way of explaining the situation to Neil and to wish him and his family a Happy Christmas."

"And what of your family?"

"I might go to visit my sister, but my parents? They're as likely to accept my good wishes as you are to stop wearing black."

No response.

"That was a joke."

"And it was nowhere near funny, Miss McCormack," he answered.

"Back to last names, are we?" she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I have never been particularly comfortable with calling you by your first name," he admitted.

"What of when we are married then?" she asked. "Do you intend to call me 'Miss McCormack for the rest of my life? What of when we have children? Shall I be 'Miss McCormack' after that?"

With that last sentence hanging in the air, he moved to let her into his chambers. Shutting the door behind her, she followed him toward the aptly named sitting room. The chair she found herself sinking into was made of black leather, and faced the unlit fireplace. She could hear him fumbling around the bedroom looking for something. A drawer opened, and whatever was in there laughed and then sneezed.

Then there was a slam and the laughter stopped. Allison sat leaning forward toward the fireplace, when suddenly there was a fully stoked fire blazing. It seemed that Severus had managed the fire with a flick of his wand.

"Allison," he addressed her.

She looked up from the fire that see him sitting opposite her, his hands clasped together. She could see, in the firelight, the pain etched on his face.

"Yes Severus?" she asked, reaching out and wrapped her hand around one of his. His skin, starkly pale against her own, was smooth and cold. When his fingers uncoiled, they intertwined with hers.

Her breath caught in her throat. The chill radiating through his hands sent shivers down her spine. She had all of a sudden realized that he was holding her hand, not as a gesture of comfort, not quite a gesture of affection, but... something she couldn't quite name. He turned to look at her, his onyx eyes baring into her own.

"I should like to meet your sister."

Her jaw nearly hit the floor. She had said nothing about Noelle, what had brought about this sudden change of subject?

"Severus..." she choked. "My sister is dead."

"Yes, you mentioned as such," he answered, tightening the grip he held on her hand. "That does not necessarily mean she does not deserve to know that her older sister is to be married."

"She knows," Allison assured him. "When I went home I told you I needed to see someone, I just never let slip the identity of said individual." She kept her grip on his stark white hand. "I knealtknelt in front of her gravestone and told her all I could."

"Did she say anything in response?"

"She's not a ghost, normally Muggles don't come back as ghosts," Allison answered. "But next thing I knew Neil was on his knees behind me, the only thing keeping me from collapsing."

She studied his gaze, which was unmoving.

"I wanted so badly to be able to see her face again, to tell her how sorry I was. She didn't deserve to die. She wasn't even fourteen."

"No person deserves to die before their time," Severus agreed, suddenly very much reminded of Lily.

The air was thick with words unspoken as he let go of her hand went back to the desk where he had previously been standing.

**ooOoo**

Severus opened another drawer and quietly picked up the black velvet encased ring box. Slowly opening it, he held it in his palm, and stared at it.

This was more than a ring. It was a ring that was not going to be on the finger of the one person he had hoped it would. Instead, it was to go to a young woman who he knew he could not love.

But this wasn't entirely true.

He couldn't say that he did not love her, but he was not in love with her. To be in love with Allison would be a betrayal to Lily. The conversation he had had with himself had taught him one thing, if not anything else: that he was not willing to let Lily go.

To move on, however, they would have to let go of what was important. To him, Lily and protecting her son (grudgingly, he reminded himself), was important. To her, it was Neil.

_You don't have to feel guilty,_ another voice was speaking to him. It was soft, lithe.

_Lily?_ he answered back.

_Yes Severus,_ she could imagine her smiling. _No, please don't feel that you have to keep me with you. You've done everything you could. _

_It's not enough,_ he insisted.

_It's enough,_ Lily countered. _You've done more for my son than anyone else could have. You protected him, he's grown, he's safe. _

_I did it for you, Lily._

_I know you did,_ she told him._ Let me go, Severus. I can't be there with you if you're marrying Allison McCormack._

_I don't love her, Lily. How could I burden her with the knowledge that I could not love her?_

_You will in time, _she insisted. _She's more than likely having as difficult a time with this as you are. Let her know that she does not have to go through the marriage one-sided. _

_I would be betraying you._

_No you would not,_ Lily's voice was more prominent now._ By protecting Harry you made sure James' and my sacrifice was not in vain. It was not 'for the greater good', it was for Harry. We may have made different choices in life, Severus, but there was always a part of me that was your best friend._

_You were more than that to me. I loved you. You were willing to see me as someone other than the 'boy who lives down Spinner's End', nearly everyone I came across ran the other way thanks to what I wore. You saw me as Severus Snape, you gave me friendship. That friendship gave me something to hold on when I had nothing._

_Please, Severus, don't let the fact that you loved me get in the way of the path your life is taking now. You could always love me, but look at the direction you're heading in. Allison is willing to let all she's ever known go because you both have no choice in the matter. _

His hand closed over the ring box, snapping it shut.

_She deserves to know you're making an effort. Go on, give it to her._

_I can't, Lily._

_I'll stay with you if you need me, _she offered._ Put it on her finger, go on._

**ooOoo**

Allison sat waiting by the fireplace, her knuckles turning white as she waited. The fire was starting to wane, but she did not care. The dimming firelight was sort of a comfort to her. She had become so focused on the ashes swirling in the air she barely noticed that Severus was kneeling in front of her.

His hand went under her chin and brought her eyes level with his.

The silence hung heavily in the air as his hand opened to reveal the ring box.

Unshed tears welled in her eyes as he silently opened the box, removed the ring, took her left hand and slid the ring on to her ring finger. His cold fingers were long and delicate, she noticed. He did not falter once as he took her hands and held them in his own.

She could not think of anything intelligent to say as he looked into her eyes. The pain and sorrow in his expression caused her tears to spill down her cheeks.

"It was for Lily, wasn't it?" she choked.

"No," he insisted, heeding Lily's advice. "This was for you."


	9. Losing My Religion

**Ashes Falling: Thank you so much. Your comments give me such confidence, and as I said I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long :D. Thanks for the review.**

**ThereAre666Ways2Love: As you wish. Thanks for the review**

**RavenDiesel1: Your wish is my command. Thanks for the review**

**Special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2. for the beta job :D **

**ooOoo**

_That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight, losing my religion. Trying to keep a view, and I don't know if I can do it. Oh no, I've said too much, I haven't said enough. I thought that I heard you laughing, I thought that I heard you sing. I think, I thought, I saw you try._

_Losing My Religion- R.E.M._

**ooOoo**

Allison choked her tears back as she dropped her hand from his grasp. She'd done it, she'd gotten the ring...

Yet why did this victory feel empty? Shouldn't she have felt a sense of accomplishment at this? Instead the tears were flowing down her cheeks as Severus had held her hand. Wouldn't he have made an effort to do something _other_ than that? Brush her hair back from her face, kiss her cheek, take her into his arms, perhaps?

But no, this wasn't going to happen. When she'd asked if it was for Lily, and he'd answered no, she could almost feel Lily's presence in the room, like she was looking over Severus' shoulder.

Why?

Why was she still there?

She didn't understand why Severus couldn't let the woman go. She was gone, not there. How could she still influence his every action? _Why?_

Why wasn't he willing to _try?_

Fresh tears ran down her face as he moved away from her. If there was one thing she couldn't stand, it was knowing that she was crying. She hated herself for doing it. How could she let herself break? All this was too much to handle at once. Knowing that she was leaving someone she had known for over half her life for someone who couldn't accept her as she was.

"I know this is difficult for you, Allison," she heard him sigh.

"No more than it is for you, Severus," she whispered. Shaking her head, she stood up and walked toward the door. "Thank you, this has helped more than you know."

And with that, she opened the door and found herself in the dungeon corridor.

**ooOoo**

Soon Allison found herself back in the Room of Requirement, sitting on the same bed she had before, clutching her bear as Hermione sat quietly, listening to her speak of what had happened.

"I could practically feel her over his shoulder when he gave me the ring, Hermione..."

Hermione nodded, her arm wrapped around Allison's shoulder.

"If he can't let her go, why should I let Neil go?" the tears were flowing freely now.

"Perhaps you're the one that needs to make the first move," Hermione suggested. "If you let Neil go, and show Severus what you are willing to sacrifice for the sake of this marriage, perhaps he'll make a greater effort."

"I don't want this any more than he does!" Allison found herself shouting. "I don't _want _to be married, least of all to someone who doesn't love me!"

"I'm sure he does..."

"Really?" Allison shouted at her, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Really, Hermione? Show me! Show me, tell me a time where he's shown me he loved me..."

"He gave you the ring."

"The ring that was meant for Lily!" Hot tears were spilling down her cheeks, her bear all but thrown to the floor, her comforts forgotten.

"Did he _say_ the ring was meant for Lily?"

"No," she answered as though this was the most obvious thing in the world. "He said that it was for me."

"Was he sincere?"

Allison nodded.

"If someone's sincere, they mean what they say."

"I know that!"

"Then what's the problem?" Hermione asked.

"_I can't compete with a dead woman!"_

**ooOoo**

Severus sat in his office attempting to grade the Potions assignment he had given the day before. With no such luck, he set his quill down, sat back in his chair, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Lily was right. He had to let her go, but...

There was a part of him that couldn't bear it. Lily had become so much a part of him that to lose her would be devastating.

Even more than it had been the first time.

_Don't keep me with you... let me go_

_Easier said than done. _

_Perhaps, but trust me when I say that it will not always be so._

_How do you mean?_

_Eventually you'll be able to mention my name and not wonder what could have been. I may still be here now, but you will be able to let me go._

_What would you have me do?_

_It's not what _I_ would have you do, Severus. You're the one who must decide that for yourself. _

_Please Lily, I'm asking that you not leave me. Not yet._

And then there was silence.

_Lily?_

_I won't leave you, Severus. Not until you're ready._

**ooOoo**

"You're competing with a dead woman?" Hermione asked. "How do you mean?"

"Severus Snape is still attached to Lily Evans," Allison shook her head, stray tears flying about. "So much so that he admitted he still sees her when he looks at me."

"You don't look a thing like Lily Evans..."

"I have red hair, don't I? I'm as tall as she was, aren't I? I'm nearly as old as she was when she began dating James Potter and tore him apart, aren't I?"

Hermione bit her bottom lip. "So you think he's keeping Lily's memory close to him in case you do the same thing and go back to Neil Lansdell?"

"It's the only _reasonable _explanation I can think of," Allison brushed her hair out of her face. "But I _can't._ We have no choice in this matter, we have to be married by February."

"When do you intend to let Neil know you're engaged?"

"By Christmas," Allison answered, turning the ring around on her finger. "I don't know how he'll react, Hermione. Neil was there for me when no one else was. We've been partners since we were little kids! What can I do?"

"You're doing everything right, Allison," she answered. "Though might I suggest someone go with you to explain this to Neil?"

"It's a generous offer, Hermione, but it's something I have to do on my own," Allison answered. "I'm sure Neil would rather... not hear it at all, but anyway," she drew in a breath. "I think he should hear it from me rather than through a newspaper announcement."

"Does he read the Daily Prophet?"

"Not that I know of," Allison ran her hands over her thighs and stood up. Drawing in breath once again, she crossed her arms over her chest. "Still, I can't help..."

"What?"

"I can't help but think Neil's gotten suspicious."

"Suspicious? You _did_ tell him you'd be seeing him around Christmas, didn't you?" Hermione's eyes widened.

"Yes, I did, but if I had been able to keep my wits about me when I went home a few weeks ago, he wouldn't think anything was wrong."

Hermione cocked her head to the side.

"I went to visit my sister."

Hermione nodded once. "And he knows of what happened to her?"

"He knows she was attacked and died, I just never told him who attacked her."

"Didn't think he'd believe you?"

"Of course he wouldn't. He doesn't know I'm a witch, all he knows is that I'm in boarding school."

"And what of Jonathon?"

Allison nearly smacked her forehead. "I'd forgotten I'd told you about Jonathon. When did I tell you again?"

Hermione shook her head. Clearly she couldn't remember, but who could blame her? No one would remember something as trival as when a name was mentioned when you're off looking for the thing that could destroy the most powerful and feared Dark wizard in over a century.

"Oh well, doesn't matter when I told you. Yes, Neil knows about Jonathon. He saw the poor thing when I miscarried. I held my baby in my hands as Neil called for an ambulance. He..." suddenly she stopped and didn't complete the sentence.

"He what?"

For a moment words failed her. Whatever she tried to say ending up sounding like croaks as she struggled to regain her voice.

"I think he heard me telling Noelle about the Marriage Law."

**ooOoo**

Severus made his way around the corridors as night fell and curfew came into effect. Tonight seemed a little more intimidating, for one reason or another. Perhaps it was because he felt weak from what had transpired earlier on in the day. Upon seeing the look in Allison's eyes, the look that told him he'd done the right thing, he'd collapsed into the chair she had previously occupied and held his hands over his eyes. Perhaps it was because he knew Lily was right.

Eventually, he'd let her go, but she'd been with him for so long he found the prospect terrifying.

The corridors were quiet tonight, he noticed as he continued to walk. It was rare to have no students running about at night, hoping that they would be spared the humiliation of being caught out after hours. It had, on many occasions, been Severus' pleasure to give these students detentions that made them rue the night they had crossed his path after hours.

It seemed too quiet.

As the sun began to rise, he made his way back down to his chambers. It had been one of the longest nights of his life, to be noted anyway. But what was even worse was the fact that he could no longer deny that any of this was actually happening. He could no longer hide behind the fact that he would love no other woman. Lily was gone, he would have to accept it sooner or later.

**ooOoo**

"I have to do it," Allison breathed. "Hermione, I have to do it as soon as possible."

"You already said you were going to tell Neil at Christmas. Do you think it's wise to tell him before then?"

"Well what am I supposed to do until Christmas? I can't very well show off the ring. I don't _want_ to do that anyway." It was true. Neither she nor Severus were the type of people to parade around how they felt. The ring was a big step for both of them, and no doubt they were both at a loss at what to do next.

"I can't influence your decision," Hermione forced a smile. "If you feel that it's the best option for you, then do it."

_Well that's just maddeningly unhelpful,_ she thought to herself.

"I... uh, I guess I should be heading back to Gryffindor Tower, Hermione, thanks for your help."

"Anytime."

Allison forced herself to smile as she left the Room of Requirement. To know that she would have to tell Neil, be it right away or by Christmas, was terrifying. How could she convince him that she wasn't playing some terrible joke on him?

Back by her bed, she pulled her journal out from her trunk, sat on the bed, and opened said journal to the pages where she had started on her plan. The words **Step 1: **_Convince Severus it's time for an engagement ring _sat staring up at her from the page. Grabbing her quill and ink, she felt tears sliding down her cheeks as she drew a solitary line through her handwritten instruction.

And quickly, before going down to the Great Hall for lunch, she penned a letter, went up to the Owlery, and sent it off to London, all the while fighting the urge to crawl back into bed and pretend this wasn't happening.


	10. Three Mississippi

**RavenDiesel1: Thank you**

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**jada951: It's always nice to see a new reviewer. Believe me, Neil will surprise you in this chapter. Thanks for the review**

**Special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2. for the beta job :D**

**ooOoo**

_I used to believe that things would change, but here we go again. Riding a spinning carousel, this circle never ends. This kitchen table,has seen it all before. These walls are tired of standing, can't hold us anymore. One Mississippi, I close my eyes. Two Mississippi I'm begging you that we can still survive. Three Mississippi no looking back, gone for good and I know that, I won't change my mind. No oh oh, yeah, three Mississippi is where I'm at tonight._

_Three Mississippi- Terri Clark_

**ooOoo**

The next morning, as Allison sat down to her breakfast (while Edward, sitting beside her, dug into eggs and bacon, she stuck to a bowl of oatmeal and a cup of tea), the same owl she had sent the day before came swooping into the Great Hall and landing right in front of her bowl. In its beak it held a response to the letter she had written.

With shaking hands she took the letter from the owl, who promptly flew off, and opened it. As she unfolded it, something dropped out of the crease and into her oatmeal. Ignoring it, she forced herself to stare at the page instead of glancing toward the Head Table.

_Allison, _it read.

_I can't tell you how alarmed I was to find an _owl_ sitting on my desk chair when I woke up this morning. An _owl_, damn it! At first I thought I was hallucinating, but when I pinched myself I realized I was neither hallucinating or still asleep. What the hell is going on? You didn't think it would be easier to send a letter by _post?_ Did that not occur to you?_

_Upon reading your letter, well, I could practically feel myself die a little inside. I haven't heard from you since the end of September and it's nearly November now. Two months with no contact from you and now suddenly you want to meet me in some pub in God knows where, for only Hell knows what reason. Yes, I will meet you November 6__th__ at _Ramsey's_ by 7pm, but do not grow accustomed to such requests. This is the very last time I shall oblige. You may think I'd be used to you disappearing for months at a time by now, but now I've reached my wits end. Either we continue this partnership, or we end this now. Which is it, Allison? Which?_

_And don't even _think_ of trying to send a response by owl. Send it by post. If I see one more owl appear in my bedroom, I think I shall strangle it with my bare hands._

_Neil Lansdell_

She dropped the letter and felt herself choke. Abandoning her breakfast, she pocketed the letter and disappeared from the Great Hall almost as quickly as Fred and George Weasley had flown once they'd set off fireworks and left a swamp in the corridor to terrorize Umbridge.

She didn't even bother to send a response back to him. Not when he was in such a foul mood. On November 6th, she would come of age and be telling Neil the truth. She was engaged.

It just didn't sit right on her tongue. _Engaged._ No, it sounded... sounded odd.

But there was nothing she could do about it now. She was letting Neil go, like she had told herself she would.

But why did it hurt her so badly? Neil had just told her she was worse than dirt in his eyes. Sure, perhaps it hadn't been the _best_ idea to use an owl to send the letter, but what else could she do?

By the time November 6th came, and she went off to Muggle London to meet Neil, she still felt sick to her stomach. Sitting down in an empty booth at Ramsey's, she twisted the ring around her finger. Under her first knuckle she could feel the tiny stone gently digging into her hand, as though to hide it from anyone in sight. It wasn't as though she was ashamed of the fact that the stone was small, in fact that was how she preferred it.

When Neil entered the small pub a few minutes, he didn't look like the same person who had come to her side when she'd visited Noelle. His eyes looked red and heavy, as though he hadn't slept for a while, his hair was mussed, his shirt wrinkled.

"Neil, what happened to you?" she asked, getting up to hug him.

Backing away, he held up his hands as though he was surrendering. "No."

Cocking her hand to one side and shrugging, they sat down together and faced each other. The tension in the air between them was palpable as they were asked if they would like something to drink. Luckily, the young man who'd come to their table sensed that his presence was not wanted, and he backed away.

Allison took a deep breath and sighed, she reached out and placed her left hand over Neil's. As he looked down, she turned the ring so that he could see the stone set in the gold band.

His mouth dropped open slightly and his eyes widened.

"You're joking..." he managed, as though he had lost all means of coherent thought.

"No, Neil, I'm not joking," she shook her head. "I wouldn't joke about something this serious."

"En- engaged?"

"Yes," she choked.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You wouldn't have _believed_ me, Neil," she insisted. "What was I supposed to say?"

"How about phoning me and saying 'Gee Neil, care to meet me at Ramsey's? There's something I need to tell you' instead of sending an _owl_ to my bedroom?"

"_Keep your voice down!"_ she hissed through clenched teeth. _"People are gonna start asking questions."_

"Why not? Why not have them ask questions? Tell me the truth, Allison. Why wouldn't you at least phone me?"

"I couldn't get to a phone."

"For two months?" his voice had a vein of sarcasm running through it. "For two months you couldn't get to a phone?"

"What would you have me do? Train a dung beetle to deliver it to you? Couldn't very well do that, could I?" Allison wrenched her hand away and grasped her other forearm, leaning forward. "What else do you want me to tell you? No, I just decided I was going to write and ask you to meet me somewhere instead of phoning you? What's wrong with getting a handwritten letter once in a while?"

"When it has something like _that_ written in it, you can bet I don't want anything to do with it."

"Neil, come on, you're overreacting."

"Am I?" his eyes were nearly blazing fire now.

"Yes you are!" she was close to shouting. "I don't want to do this any more than you want to see that I have a ring on my finger from someone who isn't you!"

The pub had suddenly gone very quiet.

"Oh don't think I didn't know about your feelings for me, Neil. I knew, and I never acted on them because I don't feel that way about you. You're a good friend, but..."

"I'm not marriage material."

"That's a rather harsh way to put it," she answered.

"Then who would you have found at seventeen?"

"I didn't _find_ anyone!"

"So now you're lying to me?"

"When have I _ever_ lied to you?" she could feel the rage bubbling just under the surface of her skin. She had never wanted so much to strangle Neil Lansdell more than at that moment. "Hmm? Tell me. You know I have no reason to lie to you."

"I'd say not telling me you were pregnant would constitute lying."

"Don't you _dare_ bring that up!" Allison was on her feet now, her face turning as red as a tomato. "Did it not occur to you that I was _raped_ the same night my sister died? That I was pregnant against my will? Would you have had me abort simply so we could add another _precious_ medal to our collection? _Human life_ is precious, Neil, not gold medals! I miscarried anyway, it shouldn't matter anymore!"

"How dare you imply that I care more about winning a medal than a human life!" Neil slapped the table in anger.

"I'll have a go at you if I please!" she shouted. "It's not as though I'm particularly _happy_ about being engaged! I have no choice!"

"Bullocks!" he shouted. "You know what, _Allison_," he spat her name with as much venom as he could muster. "That's it. I'm done with you."

And with that, he strode past her and left the pub, leaving confused patrons and an enraged Allison in his wake.

"Fuck you, Neil Lansdell!" she screamed at his back. "Damn you to Hell!"

The door slammed closed, and Allison slumped into the nearest chair, her head in her hands, and the first of many tears slipped down her cheeks.

**ooOoo**

Allison returned to Hogwarts later that night. Still distraught, she dove into her four-poster and closed the curtains. Unrealistically vowing never to emerge, she stayed in bed until the following Tuesday morning. Knowing she more than likely faced any number of detentions for skiving her lessons the day before, she forced herself out of bed, showered, dressed, and went to her first lesson of the day: Charms.

Professor Flitwick was one of her more, _accommodating_ was a good word to use, teachers. If she admitted that she'd been feeling ill the day before, he would more than likely give her the assigned work and tell her to join her classmates in charming whatever they were to charm that day.

Professors McGonagall, Snape, and Vector were more than likely not to be as accommodating. She could almost imagine Professor McGonagall giving her two extra assignments along with the missed work as punishment. Professor Vector, to be fair, could be understanding when needed, but Severus Snape... dear Merlin, she felt as though she'd faint. If she were to tell him what had transpired between herself and Neil Lansdell, well she dreaded the thought.

Slipping into Potions, her last class of the day, she attempted to remain silent and keep her nose in her textbook. No Muggle journal this time, as there wasn't any point. Her entire plan had gone bust, that's all there was to it.

"Miss McCormack, see me after class," he told her, not even bothering to look at her.

"Yes sir," she mumbled back.

"What did you say, Miss McCormack? it seems I've having difficulty hearing you through your teeth."

"I said, 'yes sir,'" she repeated, clearly.

Saying nothing in response, Severus Snape turned his attention back to his class, gave them the day's work, and went back to his marking.

The final bell went off, but Allison didn't dare begin to pack her things into her backpack. She felt nearly glued to her seat as the last of her classmates left and she was alone in the classroom with him.

"Can I ask why you weren't in class yesterday?" he asked.

"I spent the day in bed," she answered truthfully, figuring it best not to create an elaborate story.

"Are you ill, Allison?" Something in his eyes told her he was genuinely concerned. She saw no need for him to be concerned. She had felt sick to her stomach, simple as that.

"Not really no," she shook her head.

He shook his head knowingly.

She sighed.

"I went to see Neil on the sixth."

Severus raised an eyebrow, as to let her continue.

"He did not take the news of the engagement well," he said, as though reading her thoughts.

She shook her head no. "He wouldn't even hear the rest of my explanation."

"Which would be?"

"That neither you or I wanted this engagement, that you and I must conceive within a year, a whole array of different things. I'd let you pick, but I fear you'd die of boredom before getting to the end of the list. Mostly I was going to apologize to him, for having to leave our partnership. I was going to ask him to be godfather, Severus. However, once he brought up the fact that I'd been pregnant and hadn't said anything about it, well I wasn't sure how to react."

"_Did_ you react?"

"Most assuredly," she nodded. "Though it was not a nice scene. In fact I told him, for all intents and purposes, to go jump in a lake."

His mouth twisted to the side. "Such language is not becoming of you."

She tried to suppress a laugh, and failed miserably.

"And clearly something nautical and fascinating just happened, and I am completely lost as to what it was."

"I'm sorry," she wrapped her arms around her ribs, joyful tears running down her cheeks. "I guess I'm drunk with laughter."

He looked at her quizzily.

"It means I have no idea why I'm laughing," she attempted to compose herself. Standing up straight, she wiped her face with the back of her hand. "It shouldn't be as bad as when Neville Longbottom's Boggart came out of the cabinet and suddenly you were standing before a third year Defense Against the Dark Arts class dressed in his grandmother's clothes."

"Oh yes, how comical," he bit down on his bottom lip. Clearly he was still bitter about being embarrassed by something like that. It was only a Boggart, after all.

"But I wasn't there, I'm not laughing at that."

"Hmmm."

Shaking her head, whatever had been so comical had now disappeared and her smile faded. She cleared her throat harshly, as though she was going to change the subject.

"So needless to say, after he brought up the fact that I'd been pregnant the whole thing spilled out. I ended up asking him if it had ever occurred to him that I had been raped the same night my sister died, and if he had known about the baby, would he have had me about so that we could continue on our way..."

Severus winced, though it was only for a moment.

"I told him that human life was precious, not gold medals. Apparently he took that to mean that I was implying he cared about winning a medal more than a human life. And so he stormed out of the pub where we were meeting and told me he wanted nothing more to do with me."

And so Severus reached out, and gripped her hand in comfort.

Time seemed to stand still. Looking straight into his eyes, she could see that for the first time, he was looking not at Lily, but at her.

"What do you see?" she asked, secretly hoping he wouldn't respond.

"You..." he confirmed.


	11. Name

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**Special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2. for the excellent beta job on this chapter. Couldn't have done it without you. **

**ooOoo**

_And now we're grown up orphans that never knew their names. We don't belong to no one, that's a shame. If you hide beside me, maybe for a while, and I won't tell no one your name. I won't tell 'em your name._

_Name- Goo Goo Dolls_

**ooOoo**

It wasn't for another week that Allison and Severus spoke to each other again. Both were reeling from the events of the previous week. With Severus, in essence, surrendering the ring and things ending so badly with Neil on Allison's part that both needed some time alone.

As Allison began attending classes regularly once again, all thoughts of their predicament floated from her mind. Slowly, schoolwork took over. Soon, all thoughts were concentrated on whether or not she was going to pass her NEWTs the following June.

She was surprised, in fact, that no one had actually come forward to ask her about her engagement ring. Perhaps it was because she didn't call attention to it. People weren't blind, sooner or later _someone_would notice the gold band around her finger.

Plus it's all the more difficult to hide a swelling baby bump. And within a year, that's what she'd have to do.

None of that could actually happen, though, because she knew they both weren't ready for that. How could they learn to trust each other if they still needed the attachment they had to the people they had so desperately clung to?

What were they to do now?

**ooOoo**

The only way they'd be able to trust each other would be to spend time together, away from the school. To know each other as people, rather than as a student, and a professor.

Still, he had to admit, it wouldn't hurt to know her as someone other than a student.

Especially if she was to become his wife.

Perhaps a walk about the grounds and the lake would be best. Non intrusive, not excessive, something that would allow them to talk to each other. Wasn't it what they needed? They couldn't be burdened with secrets if they were to live with each other for the rest of their lives.

But some secrets were too difficult to bear, as he knew of course.

He sat down to his pen and paper, and wrote one of the most difficult notes he'd written in many years.

**ooOoo**

She awoke to find a House-Elf sitting at the end of her bed. The elf had large, bat-like ears, a nose roughly the size of a tennis ball, and wore a tea towel the way one would have worn a toga stamped with the Hogwarts crest.

"Can I help you?" she asked, pushing back her blanket and crawling to the end of the bed, holding out her hand to receive the letter from the tiny creature.

"My name is Mona, miss," she bowed to Allison and held on to the letter before handing it to her. "I is to be giving this letter from Professor Snape to you, Miss Allison."

"Thank you, Mona, may I have the letter?"

"Yes Miss Allison," Mona released the letter to Allison and bowed again. "I is excusing myself, Miss, I is to be going back to the Hogwarts kitchens. If you is needing anything, you just calls my name and I be there."

"Thank you, Mona," Allison gave the elf a smile.

And with a resounding CRACK, the elf Disapparated.

Allison closed the canopy around her bed and opened the letter as quietly as she could. But as she did, she couldn't help but wonder, why would he have used a House- Elf to deliver a letter? Why wouldn't he have sent it by owl post, it wouldn't have taken more than a half hour to deliver it by owl.

But they were in the castle already. Obviously it made more sense, why wasn't she thinking?

Seemed she wasn't doing a lot of thinking these days.

Carefully breaking the wax seal on the letter, she unfolded the letter with steady hands and very carefully read the words scrawled carefully across it.

_Allison,_

_Would you care to meet me down by the Great Lake? Saturday, 8pm. _

_Severus_

For all the work he did, with all intent to push her away, he could be, for want of a better word, civil. Of course, it was only a sentence, but something civil, something she could hold on to.

What could he possibly want with her down by the lake? It was frozen by November, well most of the time anyway. He wasn't planning to feed her to the squid, that was juvenile and rather stupid, when she thought about it.

Case in point she knew they had to learn to trust each other. What other motive would he have? They were engaged, they needed to acknowledge that fact.

Chuckling for reasons unknown, she grabbed a piece of parchment and quickly scribbled an answer.

_Severus,_

_Yes, I will meet you Saturday, 8pm._

_Allison_

"Mona?" she whispered.

_CRACK_

"Yes, miss?" the elf reappeared on the desk, fussing with her tea towel.

"Take this to Professor Snape, please."

"Yes miss, Mona is happy to be helping," and with another CRACK, the elf Disapparated once again.

When Mona left, Allison climbed back into bed and closed her eyes, hoping for a few more minutes. Classes that week had gone rather slowly that week, and truth be told she didn't want to be sitting in class nearly bored to tears for the rest of the day.

Rubbing sleep out of her eyes, she dressed and went down to breakfast.

**ooOoo**

Surprisingly, she found that classes went extraordinarily quickly if you had something to look forward to.

_Look forward to? _She was actually _looking forward_ to this?

_Ahhhh, why was this so difficult?_

Granted, the pain of losing the friendship she had with Neil was still so difficult to come to grips with. They had been together for so long that she felt as though she'd lost a brother.

In fact, she might have considered checking in with him, if it weren't for the fact that he wanted nothing to do with her.

Shaking her head, she knew that all she could do was wait.

The next day, being Saturday, she could feel her body protesting as she stretched and sat up in bed.

"Oh, I hate mornings." She groaned as she made her way to the showers. If she did nothing else productive today, she would at least feel better once she had a shower. Returning to the common room nearly a hour later, she changed into a pair of Muggle jeans and a baggy sweatshirt that was at least two sizes too big for her. Yes, this ensemble was quite comfortable. She'd be able to lounge about all day and no one would bother her.

But she was wrong. Another House-Elf appeared in front of her. This one didn't look like Mona, but it still wore the tea towel stamped with the Hogwarts crest. The eyes on the elf were happy as he smiled.

"For you, miss," the elf squeaked.

"From who?"

"Letter is from Miss Allison's mother, Mrs. Jorja," was the answer.

Allison cocked her head in confusion. Her mother was writing to her? Why? She hadn't written to Allison since she'd been accepted to Hogwarts. When she'd moved into the house she had now Jorja had sworn she never wanted to hear from Allison again. In fact, how could the letter have gotten to her? Jorja didn't know that sending letters through the post to Hogwarts had a very slim chance of reaching her, since Hogwarts used owls to deliver letters and packaging.

"She didn't use an owl, did she?"

"No, miss," the elf shook his head, his ears flapping as he did so. "She put it in the Muggle postbox."

"Then how did it get here?"

"Professor Dumbledore sometimes tells Dippy to go to the Post Office and see if there is any mail, Miss," the elf answered. "He says sometimes parents of Muggle-borns is not knowing how to get letters here, so they puts them in boxes and sends them that way."

"Oh," Allison answered. She had never known that that was a part of the House-Elves duties at Hogwarts. She knew they worked in the kitchens and cleaned the dormitories, but not that they sorted mail.

"Dippy?" she tried, not knowing if that was indeed the elf's name, or if the elf had been using another name as an example.

"Yes miss?" the elf answered, turning to her with the letter still in his hands.

"May I have the letter?"

Dippy smiled and handed the envelope to her. "Is you needing anything else?"

"No, Dippy, thank you," she smiled back. She did not dare to open the letter until the elf had Disapparated.

With shaking hands she opened said envelope and unfolded the single piece of paper within it.

I_ thought you'd want to know that Neil stopped by to see us today. He tells us you're engaged, Allison. Engaged! Why did I not know about this? Why did you not write us to explain? And why has this fiance of yours not come to the door to ask your father's permission?_

_Neil also told us that you and he have ended your partnership. Care to explain why this has happened? Do you not realize what you've thrown away? Or does this have something to do with this school you attend?_

_I expect an answer, Allison, and I will not wait three years to get it. If need be I will find a way to get there and bring you straight back home._

_Mother_

"Oh fuck you, you sodding bint," Allison muttered to the paper. She crumpled the paper and set it alight with her wand. Why not write her with something _worthwhile_ to say, like _Gee dear, your father's dying. _or_ Just thought I'd let you know your father and I are divorcing_ or even _We'd love to see you for an afternoon, care to come by for tea and catch up_, as though she were an old family friend and not their daughter.

And so Allison turned over into her pillow and screamed until her throat felt raw.

By the time eight o'clock came, she felt nothing if not more exhausted then she had that morning when she'd first gotten out of the shower. She'd tried to concentrate on her homework, but found the attempt was futile. She pulled on her winter cloak and headed for the lake.

As she walked the air became all the more frigid. There was frost on the ground and covering the trees. There wasn't much wind, but it wasn't anything she minded. It didn't bother her actually. She, in reality, felt quite content to walk in the cold. After all, she'd been a skater for over 13 years, she could handle the cold.

Standing by the lake, his back to her, was none other than Severus Snape.

Standing beside him, looking out over the frozen lake, she said nothing. She could not read his face, he stood motionless as the wind began to pick up. The moon shone down over the ice, illuminating his pale skin and pointed nose.

She shoved her hands in her pocket and sighed, her breath spiraling out in front of her.

"Why did you want to meet me out here, Severus?" she asked.

"Because I wanted to talk to you," he answered, turning. "Walk with me?"

She smiled, and did so.

**ooOoo**

As they walked, they remained blissfully unaware that none other than Albus Dumbledore watched from the window of his office. Smiling to himself, he turned and went back to his desk.

Picking up his quill, he touched it to the parchment and managed to write a few lines before hearing someone speak.

"I still don' see why the Ministry wants the two o' them together, sir."

"Ah but Hagrid, that is something the Ministry has decided, for one reason or the other. There is nothing I can do to change it."

"Professor, don' tell me yeh approve o' the Marriage Law."

"I do not," Dumbledore answered, "but I'm sure sooner or later the two will learn to accept one another."

"There's not anythin' you can do?"

"If there were, I would have done so already, and spared everyone grief."

"Sometimes we all need some sort o' grief, Professor," Hagrid reasoned. "It's what makes us stronger, after all."

"Indeed you're right, Hagrid." Dumbledore answered, very subtly and silently recalling the sight of his younger sister, Ariana, lying on the floor at his feet. "But what makes us strong is our ability to pick ourselves up, grieve appropriately, and move on as best we can."

Hagrid nodded behind Dumbledore knowingly, and understood himself to be dismissed.

**ooOoo**

Allison and Severus walked silently along the lake, hands in the pockets of their cloaks, walking side by side, but at least three feet from each other. It was as though they were scared to even touch each other.

Finally, Allison heaved a sigh, loud enough to catch his attention.

"What is it?"

"Oh nothing," she smirked, "I was just thinking."

"Were you now?"

"That I was," she nodded. "My sister and I used to do this when I was home. She'd beg me to walk with her at night, just before we'd head in to bed. She was so curious. She wanted to go to Hogwarts, but surprisingly she was very accepting that it was my place, and not hers. Nevertheless, she wanted to know what sort of lessons we had there, what the castle looked like, whether my professors were good teachers or not. She'd complain to me that her teachers were horrid, that she'd often fall asleep in classes because she was so bored..."

"If I might," Severus interrupted. "Why was your sister in the state school system? Usually if one sibling heads away to school, the other soon follows."

Allison's voice dropped. "We couldn't afford it," she confessed.

"So then she was left behind."

"It's not that she was left behind, it's just that... she was younger, and..." she protested, but upon seeing Severus' expression, she gave up. "Yes, she was left behind."

"Don't tell me she wasn't bitter."

"Oh I'm sure she was, but I never saw it," she shook her head, trying to rid herself of Noelle's face in her mind's eye. "Quid pro quo."

"Quid pro quo is void in Scotland," he murmured.

"It's not as though I want you to reveal your entire history, Severus," she could feel her patience waining. "If you don't trust me enough to tell me something about yourself, how can I trust you? I can't do so blindly."

They continued walking in silence, until they stopped once again, the moon highlighting Allison's features. Her jawline was set and strong, and she had very long eyelashes as well, he could see.

"I don't know you, Severus, just as you don't really know me. We need to be able to look at each other and know that we'll make it work."

He stared at her, unsure of how to proceed.

"Quid pro quo," she repeated.

He sighed. "You wouldn't understand why I can't bear to tell you about myself."

"I understand a lot of things, Severus," she answered. "If you aren't ready to tell me everything, then I won't push you, but I would rather hear it from you than from someone in the Ministry digging into your past."

"It is not as though my past is unknown."

"Yes I know," she answered. "You had to build your reputation as a Death Eater to keep yourself in Voldemort's innermost circle, but you were loyal to Dumbledore."

"Did anyone ever tell you why I joined the Death Eaters in the first place?"

She shook her head.

"I wanted to be part of something powerful, a place to belong."

She clenched her jaw.

"And I don't suppose anyone's told you why I went to Dumbledore and offered to spy for him."

"No."

"Are you aware of the prophecy made to Professor Dumbledore by Professor Trelawney?"

"Prophecy?"

"That a boy born at the end of July, to parents who had thrice defied Voldemort, would have power that Voldemort did not, would have power the Dark Lord _knew_ not." He paused, sighing. "I relayed this back to Voldemort, because I was still in his service. Since I didn't hear the rest of the prophecy..."

Allison waited, clenching her fists inside the pockets of her jeans.

"Voldemort took it to mean Lily Evans' family, and when she cast her life down between her son and the madman who sought to destroy the inexplicable evil that this baby somehow possessed, I lost everything I had ever loved and lived for."

Her hands instantly went to her mouth, her eyes suddenly swimming with tears.

"I've spent the rest of my life regretting what I had done, pining over something, some_one_ I never had. All I ever lost was a fantasy, a _fucking_ fantasy."

She could hear the strain in his voice, but yet he did not break.

And at this time she had no idea what to do. Should she take his hand? Say she was sorry? What could she do?

But she was at a complete loss.

"Severus..." she breathed.

He did not look at her, but she did not expect him to. He seemed to be struggling with himself, unsure of what to do, what to say in response.

"I'll leave you be, then," she whispered.

But as she turned to leave something stopped her.

And when she looked, she saw that he was holding on to her sleeve. His pale fingers kept a light but firm grip, yet he said nothing. His eyes were dry, yet pleading.

"What do you want to say, Severus?" her voice was thick with unshed tears.

"There's nothing you can say," he answered, refusing to let her go. "But I'm asking you to stay, Allison."

And so she did. Together they stood, overlooking the lake as the moon reflected over the unmoving treetops.


	12. Mad World

**Ashes Falling: It's all such a shame, I know, but there's always good reason for it. Thank you for your lovely comments**

**CarlyJo: It's not just a stupid little fact. Quid pro quo is actually quite important. "Something for Something" is certainly important in everyday life. Thanks for the review**

**sephora85: That was one of my favourite scenes to write. Thanks for the review**

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**Special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2. for the beta job. Thank you darling :D **

**ooOoo**

_And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take, when people run in circles it's a very very, mad world._

_Mad World- Gary Jules_

**ooOoo**

Later that night Allison returned to the castle, feeling the sharp contrast between the warmth of the castle and the chilly wind outside. The gravity of what Severus had told her lay heavily on her conscience as she considered the letter she'd received earlier in the day. Was this really what she wanted? To lose whatever ties she had to the Muggle community all due to her engagement? An engagement she had reluctantly agreed to?

It wasn't right, none of it was. There needed to be closure on all sides, and this she knew. Her mother was not the warmest person alive, that was sure, but did she really deserve to be denied all contact with her remaining daughter and whatever grandchildren there happened to be?

But what would Severus think of this? He didn't have a good relationship with his own parents, what would he think of walking into her parents' house and seeing the cold looks on their faces toward a daughter they hadn't laid eyes on in over three years?

Her mother Jorja and her father, Paul, had always blamed her for what had happened to Noelle. To add insult to injury, it was only two months after Noelle's death that Allison had discovered she was pregnant. Enraged, they had told her to find her own apartment and that they never wanted to see her again. Perhaps this was the reason why she had reacted so strongly to Severus' story of how he had lost Lily. Losing both her sister and her son within half a year of each other was simply too much.

But this letter...

Defeated, she sighed and threw up her hands. If Jorja wanted to see her, then fine, but she was not going to beg Severus to accompany her. She would let him now that she was going to speak to her parents, but she would not beg.

Shaking her head, she knew this had to be done. And if she had to be the bigger person, swallow the bitterness she still felt toward her parents, and explain all this to them, then so be it. There was no guarantee that either of them would understand her predicament, but she could sure as hell try.

Once classes that Friday finished, she packed a bag and made her way to the Headmaster's office. Giving the gargoyle the password (it had taken her at least fifteen tries before she'd gotten it right), she made her way up to the door. Knocking, she waited.

"Enter," she heard Professor Dumbledore's voice answer.

Allison slowly pushed open the door and tentatively looked around the corner.

"Good afternoon, Miss McCormack."

"Good afternoon, sir," she kept her eyes toward the floor.

"Oh now, dear girl, look up," his kind face hid a smile. "How can I help you?"

"I don't mean to be a burden, Professor," she answered, bringing her eyes up to meet his. "I'm heading home to my parent's. I want to try to sort this whole --- mess --- out. I thought I should let you know where I'm heading."

"As well you should have. Thank you very much. Do you wish me to escort you?"

"No sir, but thank you. Professor Snape might accompany me. After all, they are his future in-laws. I think he should meet them."

Dumbledore nodded. "But you do not think he would accompany you?"

"I haven't asked him yet, sir. I'm not sure how he would react to that request." Allison admitted, rubbing the persistent sleep out of her left eye.

"Do not underestimate him, Miss McCormack," he very gently put his hands on her shoulders. "If you ask, I'm sure he'd oblige."

She grimaced, trying to hide her uncertainty from her Headmaster.

"Is there anything else you wish to tell me, Miss McCormack?"

"No sir," she answered, perhaps a little too quickly.

"Very well then," he let go of her shoulders. "Off you go."

**ooOoo**

Someone was knocking on his office door. Not that it was a constant practice. Students and staff did not generally travel down to the dungeons simply to speak to him. Putting down his quill, he stepped over to the door and gently pulled it open.

"Allison," he acknowledged.

She cleared her throat. "Severus."

They stood staring at each other, unsure of what to say.

"Is there something you wanted?"

She looked away from him, hitching her backpack over her shoulder to keep it from falling. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. How would he react to something like this?

"I was going to ask you if you would come with me to my parent's place."

Wait for it...

"I was under the impression that you were not on speaking terms with your parents."

"I'm not," she suddenly became defensive. "My mother wrote to me, I'm simply answering her letter."

"Wouldn't it be prudent to send a letter back?"

"She's ready to tear into me. I might as well face it in person."

"How do you mean?"

"She would've sent me a Howler if she knew how," Allison fought very hard to keep herself from laughing. "She wants to know why I didn't tell her I had gotten engaged."

"How did she find out?"

"Neil must have told her," she looked away again, knowing full well that Neil had indeed told her parents that she was engaged.

His lip curled into a slight sneer. "And so, if she does not approve, please remind me as to why you want me to accompany you?"

"So they could meet you?" she tried, false hopefulness in her voice. "I thought, perhaps... if you were there to help _explain_ this to them, they might understand."

"What is there to understand?" Severus nearly spat. "Their daughter is marrying a professor who is more than twice her age. I really don't think it's a difficult concept."

"But Severus, she doesn't _know,"_ Allison tried again.

"And you intend to make her suffer by telling her?"

"I'm not cruel, Severus," she shook her head. "I have no intention of making them suffer. I may not be on speaking terms with my parents, but I don't think they deserve to be cut off from the only grandchild they may ever have."

"When the time comes."

"Yes Severus, _when the time comes,"_ she repeated.

She saw him consider her offer, and finally, he obliged.

**ooOoo**

Allison and Severus arrived at the home of Paul and Jorja McCormack at 10 AM the next morning. While Allison had no qualms about knocking on the front door after years of estrangement, Severus clenched his jaw.

"Don't tell me you're uncomfortable," Allison smirked as they waited for someone to open the door.

"Actually I thought you might be."

"Me?_Never,_" she chuckled, while deep down she could feel her stomach drop. What would they say when they saw her again? How would they react when Allison explained the terms of the engagement? How would they...

"Oh, it's you," her thoughts were interrupted by her mother answering the door. "What are you doing here?"

"Answering your letter," Allison held her head high. "Could we come in?"

"_We?_ Who's _we?"_ Jorja spat, looking at Allison as though she were an ant you couldn't wait to step on.

"Severus and I, Mum," Allison clenched her jaw, indicating Severus standing beside her.

Rolling her eyes, she allowed them admittance.

Stepping inside, Severus looked around. There were photos everywhere. It almost felt as though he had stepped into a gallery. The walls were painted a nearly sterilized white, the couch was still in a sort of protective plastic covering Muggles had invented to keep dust from settling in the fabric. There was a faint smell of stale cigar smoke, and the whirring sound of a fan somewhere in the house.

Slipping off their shoes, they followed Jorja McCormack into the sitting room, where Allison's father Paul sat behind a newspaper, more than likely not even reading the content. The newspaper, she remembered, acted as a shield when he did not want to speak to present occupants of a room.

"Dad?" Allison asked, tentatively.

He did not lower the newspaper.

"Paul, put down the newspaper, Allison's come to speak with us."

Allison cocked her eyebrows. Shouldn't her mother be as hostile in her father's presence with Allison as she had been at the door? She watched as Jorja then ascended back up the stairs to the kitchen, disappearing around the corner.

Her father sighed and slowly lowered the paper to reveal what he had been trying to hide.

Allison gasped and fell to her knees in front of her father.

Severus, who had been blocked from view, remained woefully ignorant as to why his fiance was on her knees all of a sudden.

"What happened?"

"Blind..." she whispered, her voice thick with emotion, as though she were on the verge of tears. "Severus, he's gone blind."

**ooOoo**

Severus gently placed his hand on her shoulder. Squeezing her shoulder just enough for her to know he was still there, she sat back on her knees.

"When did this happen, Dad?" she asked, indicating to Severus that she wished to speak to Paul alone. "Severus, would you go and see how my mother is doing upstairs?"

"Certainly," he answered, unsure of what else to say. Quietly, he made his way up the stairs to the kitchen, where he found Jorja McCormack boiling water on the stove for tea.

"Can I be of help, Mrs. McCormack?" he asked, as though it were painful.

She turned quickly, and heaving a terrified sigh. "Oh good gracious!"

"Excuse me, ma'am," Severus stepped back, suddenly aware of how she moved further away from him. "It was not my intention to startle you."

"Oh no, no no, it's fine, perfectly fine. Have a seat at the table. In fact, I rather wanted to speak with you."

"Yes ma'am," he made his way to the kitchen table, and waited. Picking up a framed photograph, he studied it almost absent-mindedly until he noticed a young girl smiling as she was pushed gently on a swing.

"Might I ask, is this Allison?"

Jorja looked up from adding teabags to the pot of hot water to address the photograph Severus was currently holding in his hand.

"Oh yes," Jorja nodded hastily, turning her attention back to the teapot. "Yes, their father took that when Allison was... oh goodness, let me think, five or so. Mr. McCormack was an excellent photographer, before he lost his sight of course."

"Those portraits in the foyer, are those done by Mr. McCormack as well?"

"Yes," Jorja nodded, turning away from both Severus and the teapot, so that her back was to him. "Forgive me, but I haven't properly introduced myself."

"No need, madam," Severus insisted. "Perhaps I might tell you a bit about why we're here."

"I had wondered why Allison has suddenly shown up on the doorstep."

"Perhaps I should start from the beginning," Severus cleared his throat as Jorja poured tea into mugs and carrying them to the table.

"I suppose that's a very good place to start."

**ooOoo**

"Noelle, is that you?" Paul asked, his voice weak.

"Oh no, Dad, it's Allison," she whispered back.

"Allison," his voice sounded like the voice of someone dying. "Allison, I thought you were gone forever."

"How could I leave forever, Dad?" she sobbed.

"Your mother wanted to do away with you."

"Oh Dad, I know," she admitted. "Mum was so surprised and sad at what had happened, she thought..." Allison was lost for words. "I guess she thought..."

"Shh, my baby," Paul lifted his hands, not quite sure of where Allison actually was.

Understanding this, Allison leaned forward and waited. Her father's hands moved gently over her cheeks, down the bridge of her nose, tracing her eyes. Allison's eyelids closed as his hands made her way to her forehead.

"Oh my dear," Paul very gently pulled her toward him and touched her forehead to his.

It was then the tears she had been holding back flowed. The pain and bitterness between father and daughter washed away as they kept connected, unable to hold each other, but still very much reunited.


	13. Fallen

**RavenDiesel1: Bonding is not always a good thing. Thanks for the review**

**Rin07: I'm so glad you do. It's always nice to see a new reviewer, and thank you**

**sephora85: It's in this chapter. Thanks for the review**

**Ashes Falling: Your comments never cease to inspire me and boost my confidence. Thank you so much, enjoy this next chapter**

**Amberdream7: The song is from the Donnie Darko soundtrack, and her father is blind for a reason. He's blind because it gives him a reason to connect with the only daughter he has left. Thanks for the review**

**rejazzz: Thank you darling! You better update your story soon**

**Special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2 for the wonderful beta job **

**ooOoo**

_Heaven bent to take my hand, with nowhere left to turn. I'm lost to those I thought were friends, to everyone I know. Oh they turn their heads, embarrassed, pretend that they don't see. That it's one misstep, one slip before you know it. And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed._

_Fallen- Sarah McLachlan_

**ooOoo**

"I'm sorry Dad," Allison whispered, her shoulders quivering with still more unshed emotion.

"Oh sweetheart, it wasn't your fault," he insisted. "Noelle's death was an accident. A tragic accident."

Bringing up the subject gave her all the more incentive to change the subject.

"Dad, I want you to take my hand," she told him. He did so, "now what do you feel?"

"It's a sort of..." his mouth almost fell open. "Allison, is this what I think it is? Is this an engagement ring?"

Suddenly the silence between them was very uncomfortable. She resisted the urge to jerk her hand out of his grasp as his fingers continued to trace the gold band.

"It is..." Paul dropped her hand. "Is that why you're here, to tell me you were engaged?" His demeanor had suddenly turned very cold, exactly the type of behaviour from a year previous. It was as though she had known that brief exhibition of tenderness had been because he was in shock at the fact that she dared to step foot in his home once again.

"That's only part of it," she insisted. "It's a very complicated situation, Dad. That's why Severus is here, he's come with me. I asked him to come. I wanted you to meet him."

"Severus was that bloke you told to go see how your mother was doing in the kitchen?"

"Yes."

"Is he your betrothed?"

"Yes Dad."

"Is he respectable?"

"Yes..."

"Does he treat you well?"

"That's... uh..."

"Does he have a good job?"

"He's a professor..."

"How old is he?"

"Dad, aren't we a little too old to play 'Twenty Questions'?" she asked, cutting him off. "If you want to talk about Severus, why don't you just talk to him?" she said, clenching and unclenching her fists. Clearly Paul didn't want to hear any of it. If he constantly cut Allison off as she tried to speak, why should she expect he'd be any different around Severus?

"Perhaps I shall, where is he?"

"I already told you, Dad, Severus is upstairs. He's talking with Mum."

"Then for God's sake, girl, bring him down here! I want to talk to him!"

"Okay, alright, no need to shout," she got up off her knees and slowly climbed the stairs. As she walked she could hear her father muttering under his breath. Something about "Interrupted my reading for _this!"_

**ooOoo**_  
_

Upon setting foot in the kitchen, she noticed both Severus and her mum silently staring at each other.

"Severus?" she approached them, effectively getting their attention again.

She said nothing as onyx eyes bore into her own. There was something she couldn't quite place. Was it pity?

"My dad wants to talk to you downstairs."

He was quiet as he got up from the table and, without so much as a "Yes, alright", he was out of the kitchen. Turning back to her mother, Allison could see Jorja's mouth open in stunned surprise.

"Mum?" she asked, taking Severus' spot from her across the table. "Mum, are you alright?"

"Hmm?" Jorja seemed to snap out of her reprive and stared at her with a blank look in her eye.

"Are you alright?" Allison repeated, taking her mother's mug from in front of her and wandering over to the stove to refill the mug with tea once again.

"Oh yes dear, perfectly fine, just dandy."

Allison shook her head. Jorja was obviously not fine. It seemed as though whatever Severus had said to her, she was still mulling over.

"What did Severus say to you?" she asked, adding milk to her mother's overtly strong tea. If there was one thing she remembered, it was that her mother liked her tea brewed so strongly it was as though no light could pass through it. Setting the mug down in front of Jorja again, she turned to walk away.

"Thirty-eight," Jorja whispered.

Allison stopped in her tracks. "What?"

"Thirty-eight," she repeated, not looking at Allison. "He's thirty-eight."

"Yes, I know that, Mum."

"Why are you with him, then? He is far too old for you."

"I thought Severus told you, we have no choice."

"Yes you do!" Jorja's voice was suddenly aggressive. "You can choose to end this forever! You don't have to go through with it."

"Did Neil tell you that?" Allison's choices were of _no_ consequence to Neil Lansdell.

"Yes of course he did!" she answered. "He has nothing but your best interests at heart!"

"Oh don't tell me he's brainwashed _you_ too!"

"No one has brainwashed anyone."

"That's bullshit!" Allison exploded. "Neil Lansdell is a lying, selfish bastard! I don't know why he would tell you Severus and I have a choice, because we don't! We're obligated! _The law states_ that all witches and wizards of non-magical backgrounds must marry within three months of the Muggleborn witch or wizard's seventeenth birthday."

"What are the consequences if you do not go through with this?"

"Well, I..."

"You don't know." Was that a smirk?

Allison shook her head, casting her eyes down toward the floor.

"So what makes you think something horrible will happen if you don't marry him?"

"Because the Ministry of Magic stated all its reasons in the letter they sent me in July."

"In _July?"_ Jorja's voice reached a pitch yet unknown to man. "You foolish, _foolish_ girl! Why wouldn't you come to us as soon as you'd gotten the letter?"

"Doth my ears deceive me?" Allison inclined her ear toward her mother across the table. "Wasn't it just a year or so ago that you threw me out?"

"Because you were pregnant!"

"_Not you too!"_

"What do you mean, not me too? What the hell are you talking about?"

"That's _exactly_ what Neil said to me the night I told him I was engaged! He accused me of lying because I hadn't told him I was pregnant!"

"And so he should!"

"Really?" Allison stood up and went round the table to face her mother. "Well then I'll tell you _exactly_ what happened that night! Members of a rogue vigilante group held Noelle and I _hostage_, raped us both, and then killed her in front of me! They threatened _me_ with death if I didn't surrender to them for questioning, simply because I'm a Muggleborn witch!"

Jorja was again shocked into silence.

"And you know what else? Hmm? They _tortured_ me! As if rape wasn't enough? Do you _know_how many people have gone mad thanks to the type of torture these people inflict? _That's _one of the reasons I'm doing this."

"What reason?"

"To _protect_ you!" she nearly shouted.

"We don't _need _protection!"

"Since when?"

For once, her mother had no answer. This was juvenile; in all senses of the word. They were both adults, why were they bickering like eleven year olds?

"You are _Muggles!"_ Allison took her mother's hands and sank to her knees in front of her. "You have _no_ magical ability whatsoever, you and Dad don't stand a chance against a Death Eater should one of them decide to show up on the doorstep."

Jorja showed no outward emotion.

"Mum, please, listen to me. I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't think you were in danger."

"You shouldn't worry about us, darling," Jorja insisted. "Your father and I will be alright."

Rolling her eyes, Allison gave up. She stood up again, and walked out of the kitchen. Jorja McCormack was the most _impossible_ woman in the world. The most stubborn person she'd ever laid eyes on.

Well, wait, that wasn't _entirely_ true. The only other person she knew to be so stubborn was sitting in the living room with her father. Taking a look, she saw that the two of them, Severus and her father, were quite absorbed in conversation. From the looks of it, Paul seemed to be interrogating Severus of his intentions. She could assume that Severus was responding well enough for her father to ramble on to the next question without a break.

Leaving the two of them alone, she very quietly walked out the door. The air was chilly, the wind whipping around her face as she walked. It wasn't as though she had a particular destination in mind, her only wish was to get as far as she could from her parents. Severus was a grown man, if he could handle Voldemort, he could certainly handle a little time with her parents.

Even if she herself couldn't handle them.

She stopped walking, looked around, and suddenly realized where she was.

She was in the same place she had been the previous September.

Standing in front of her sister's headstone, it seemed as though she were suspended in time. Her arms felt heavy, her legs like lead, and what is said about heavy metals and gravity?

Eventually they hit the ground.

Too late. She was there already. The snow was soaking through the fabric covering her knees, slight pellets of sleet falling all around. The snow, somewhat hard from the ice covering it, crunched as she moved.

All this simply because of an unjust _law._

"But isn't it worth it if you're learning to love the person?" she thought to herself aloud.

_Love?_

She spat on the ground away from Noelle's headstone, as though willing that foul, four letter word from of her vocabulary. She did not _love_ Severus Snape...

At least she didn't _think_ she did.

_But you don't need to love someone to enter into an arranged marriage, or to conceive a child. In fact, most children are conceived out of animalistic instinct, are they not?_

She was at a loss for words.

_Weren't you?_

"It doesn't matter!" she shrieked to no one in particular. "They don't love me anyway."

_But you care, don't you?_

"No!" she shouted, her head in her hands. "No, there's no reason for me to care!"

_There's ample reason. You will be married by February, wouldn't you want them to see your child?_

"Not if they act like that."

_But you are not yet married nor pregnant. How do you know they will not change by then?_

"You're investing too much into a relationship that is already too far gone. That is highly unlikely."

"And to whom are you speaking?" a voice behind her came suddenly.

Her hands moving from her forehead to the snow, which, incidently, made her hands completely numb. She turned her head to see Severus standing over her.

"No one in particular," she answered, standing up and brushing the snow from her pants. Turning back to the headstone, she very gently took Severus' hand.

"You said you wished to meet her, and here she is," Allison whispered. "Severus Snape, meet Noelle Eileen McCormack."


	14. Something to It

**Ashes Falling: Oh how I love to trick you, because I love seeing your reviews. They make me smile. "Doth mine ears" was intentionally misquoted, because Allison is not all-knowing. Thanks for the review**

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**Special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2. for the excellent beta job **

**ooOoo**

_I'm sorry if I ruined your day. I really hope that you understand, I'm a million miles away, looking for a place to land_

_Something to It- Great Big Sea_

**ooOoo**

The two of them stood silently, the wind dying as the sun disappeared behind a dark cloud. It seemed to grow cold, even as the sun returned.

"I shouldn't have brought you here, Severus," she let go off his hand. "Not _here,_ per se, I mean, I knew this would be difficult, convincing my parents that this is the right thing, but... is this really worth it?"

"How do you mean?"

"Giving up the lives we could have led simply because of an unjust law?"

"If we did not agree to it, our wands would have been snapped, and thus we would have been expelled from the wizarding world, as it were," he reasoned. "Even in this day and age, with Voldemort defeated, there are still dangers lurking, there always will be."

"So, are we protecting each other?"

"In a sense," he answered. "I do not need protection, not as much as you do."

"Oh yes you do," she insisted, moving away from him. "Just for an entirely different reason."

He said nothing.

"I don't pretend to see through you, Severus. I don't know you that well. But believe me, protecting your heart is just as important as protecting your body."

"The matters of my heart are no concern of yours!"

Allison wanted to beat her head off the nearest tree. A rage she had never known was slowly coming to the surface. Of course, it was an important concern of hers! The sheer _impudence_ of such a claim! How could they enter into a marriage if he wasn't willing to be honest with her? Damn him and his foolish pride!

Shaking her head, she gave up. "You are positively _infuriating_, Severus Snape! If you aren't willing to let me into your heart this may be all for naught!"

"I never said I was never going to be able to accept you," he replied, calmly.

The calm in his voice only made her wish she could strangle him. "You never said you'd be willing to let _her_ go, either!"

She knew by the look in his eyes that he understood exactly who she was referring to.

"_I am not Lily, Severus!"_ she stressed. "I would never refuse to speak to you again simply because you made a mistake! So I have red hair, so I'm strong-willed, so I'm at the age where she abandoned you, there is no evidence to suggest that I would do the same!"

"I will not dignify that remark with an answer."

"Who said anything about dignity?" she fought to keep her voice down. "This is _not_ about dignity, or being dignified. _I gave up everything I hold dear _for the sake of this law. The _least_ you could do, Severus Snape, is find that _shard_ of decency inside of you that will allow you to give me a chance!"

If she had not known his temperament, she might have been surprised at his next actions. He suddenly gripped her forearm so tightly she felt as though he would leave a mark.

"Do not _dare_ impugn my honour, you foolish girl!" he hissed. "You knew when you entered into this that I had a temper, you knew I held on to Lily Evans' memory, and for an important reason! I am not a nice person, Miss McCormack, and I'd consider you all the more foolish should you attempt to change that."

"_Let. Go. Of. Me."_ Her next sentence came in laboured breaths, her free hand finding their way under his hand and prying herself free. "I did not enter into this under my own free will. Now, you are not a foolish man. You could have easily told me that you had no intention of marrying, Ministry-enacted law be damned!"

"That is stretched both ways, is it not?" he asked. "I may have been on your list of potential suitors, but that does not mean I was your only choice. You could have chosen _any_ other man on that list, yet you chose me."

"Yes, I chose you!" She stepped closer, but did not extend her hand back to him. "I chose you because you were a _challenge._ With you, I knew I'd constantly be questioned, spoken to, I would not be shuffled away in some corner as though I were some trollop trophy wife, hell bent on nothing but sex for the sake of getting pregnant. I knew you would not be satisfied with one word answers and silence in response to your queries. I also knew that I would not spend my days holed up in bed, simply because it is mandatory that an heir be produced, you are not such a barbarian."

She was standing closer to him than before, the top of her head barely reaching his shoulder.

"I would be your _wife_, but most importantly, _your partner_, and not a mother to do everything for you. I am not a prize to be won, nor am I willing to cater to your every whim."

Their heated conversation was momentarily interrupted by a drop of rain landing on her nose, causing her to blink and her face to contort into an odd expression. He was only slightly reminded of Nymphadora Tonks at that moment.

"So..." Severus exhaled. "Are you quite finished?"

"Do you have something to say, then?"

"I cannot say that this conversation was nothing short of_ illuminating..."_

"Do not mock me, sir, for I know you are not so low." Allison turned to walk. If they were going to argue, they were certainly not going to do so in a cemetery.

Severus followed suit, very much understanding her wish to bicker away from her sister, the one person who had not once judged her. Standing outside the fence, the conversation which they had so eloquently started was, evidently, far from finished.

**ooOoo**

_Insufferable man if I ever saw one! _her quill continued to scratch along the parchment as her breathing became laboured. _He knows we're both giving up the things we hold dear, and both Severus and Neil haven't been making it any easier._

_I have no idea why my parents think Severus and I have a choice (and anyone who dares refer to him as 'The Greasy Git' may find their fingers in a paper bag), since we do not. Surely I am not the only one who finds this law unjust. "All Muggleborn witches and wizards must marry within three months of their seventeenth birthday."_That's _why you never got a letter from the Ministry, you're not seventeen! You're over the age limit. This infuriates me to no end. There is no way I could learn to live with Severus Snape, the man drives me up the wall!_

_But that's the point, isn't it? I've never lived with him, and it won't happen until I've at least graduated from Hogwarts. At least by then it won't be so awkward._

_Oh who am I kidding? It would still be awkward even then, perhaps even more. There is such a large age difference between us. He is nearly thirty-nine and I have just turned seventeen. I'm so scared of what this is going to do to us both. I am not yet ready to share my bed with him. Not just my bed, but my life! Then whatever life we build we would have to share with a child within a year. A year! Good Lord, that is barely enough time for Severus and I to get to know each other, and it is certainly not a healthy environment to bring a child up in._

_Oh, what am I to do? I can't be everyone's saving grace. I can barely hold myself together, let alone bare a child and hold a family together. Not when the definition of family in our circumstances could very well dictate catastrophe! Severus knows that I must get pregnant within a year of marriage, and we only have until February to decide whether or not we will actually go through with this._

_What will happen to us if we do not comply? Well the law was put in place for one simple reason, and that was so that the entire wizarding population doesn't die out. Due to their insane obsession with blood purity (you don't see too much of it anymore since Voldemort fell, but there are still some who believe in this), many of the Pure-blooded wizarding families are producing Squibs and having stillborn babies because they are so concerned about staying Pure-blooded. To counter this, the Ministry is putting in this Marriage Law, and if those selected do not comply, their wands shall be snapped and we shall be expelled from the wizarding world. A month or so ago I would have voluntarily surrendered my wand and left, but now that I've seen what is waiting on the other side, I would rather stay here. _

_Neither Severus nor I have even thought of the wedding or children. I'm so scared. Not just at the prospect of marrying but also at the prospect of sex and children. I've already miscarried once, and the child was conceived during a rape and my sister is dead from the same attack. I really don't think I'm ready to think about this, let alone share this with Severus. Promise me you shall be the soul of discretion, and not breathe a word of what I have told you to anyone. Promise me, Hermione! Please!_

_Thank you for listening, Hermione, your friendship is so important to me, and I hope it'll stay that way._

_Stay well,_

_Allison McCormack._

Allison then folded the parchment, sealed it, addressed it, and very quietly made her way up to the Owlery to use one of the school owls. She had thought of sending Mona or Dippy, the House-Elves who had so graciously helped her once before, but then she remembered how Hermione felt about House-Elves and the way they were treated. She herself had bought one of those infernal SPEW badges just to stop her nagging. Yes, sending an owl was a _much_ better idea.

"Come here," she whispered to one of the owl perched close to the window. "Okay, this is going to Hermione Granger. You know who she is, yes?"

The owl hooted as she tied the letter to the owl's leg and watched it fly away.

"Good luck," she whispered.

**ooOoo**

She walked toward her Transfiguration class with her backpack over one shoulder and her eyelids straining to stay open. She had barely gotten any sleep the night before. Going home to her parent's was all well and good if you were trying to explain a marriage law to them, but it was wreckage on the homework situation. She had only just crawled into bed at four in the morning upon completing an essay on Transfiguring animals with exoskeletal spines. Dull subject even if she did care about it.

The bell sounded just as she rounded the corner, still a fair distance away from the classroom. Rolling her eyes, she continued her journey, but instead of heading into Professor McGonagall's classroom, she headed for the stairs leading to the Great Hall.

Reaching her destination, she set her backpack on one of the benches of her House Table, and pulled out her Potions textbook. Even reading about the effects of Veritaserum and Felix Felicius seemed incredibly boring at this point. She could barely concentrate on school anymore. Her mind was no longer on passing her NEWTs at the end of the year, but instead on her... _their _predicament.

In less than three months she and Severus would be married, and within a year she would be pregnant. A baby within a year...

No! No, she was too selfish. She would not have an innocent child suffer simply because she was not yet ready to care for someone so fragile. Both she and Severus were too damaged.

And here she was speaking about the two of them as though they were parcels that had been dropped off the end of a broomstick. What kind of parents would they make? She had no idea what Severus' parents had been like, and well... her own parents weren't the greatest role models either.

She leaned forward and held her head in her hands. This whole mess had given her a severe headache. Packing her bags, she headed as quickly as she could to the Hospital Wing. Madame Pomfrey never asked too many questions.

Pushing the door open, she was immediately met at the door by the Matron and Professor Dumbledore. She blinked. She couldn't remember a time where she had seen the Headmaster in the Hospital Wing. She assumed he regularly conversed with the medi-witch for obvious purposes, such as replenishing the stocks in the store cupboard, but why was he here on a Monday morning?

"Miss McCormack, good morning," he greeted her, smiling, his eyes happy behind the half-moon spectacles.

"Good morning, Professor," she answered.

"Might I inquire as to why you are not in class this morning?"

"I have a rather large headache, sir," she answered, suddenly curious as to why he had taken such an interest in her.

He nodded once. "I have no doubt that Madam Pomfrey shall be able to remedy such an ailment."

And with that, he strode out of the room, leaving only Allison and Madam Pomfrey in the Hospital. It seemed there were no other patients that morning, though keeping in mind it was still early, only ten in the morning.

"This isn't just about a headache, is it, dear?" Madam Pomfrey gently gripped her shoulder and had her sit on one of the beds. She hastily opened a cupboard and brought her a small vial of what Allison could assume was a potion for headaches.

"No Madam," she answered, swallowing the potion in one swallow. It felt as though she had just swallowed Firewhiskey mixed with Skele-Grow. It was a shame that adding sugar to many potions rendered them useless. Handing the empty vial back to her, Allison leaned forward and placed her head in her hands.

"What is this?" she gently took hold of Allison's chin and made her look up. Taking a hold of her left hand, a look of understanding crossed the older woman's face. "Oh I see."

"It's the law," Allison choked out. "And within a year of marriage I must get pregnant."

"A _year_?" Madam Pomfrey looked scandalized. "You are barely an adult, Miss McCormack. How could the Ministry expect someone so young to bear children?"

"For the same reason they threatened me with expulsion from the wizarding world if I did not comply, I suppose," she answered, turning her head away. "I don't suppose you've heard?"

"Many things come back to me, seeing as I am a Medi-witch, dear," she nodded. "But go on."

"I'm not only scared at the thought of marrying so young, but the prospect of sex and children."

"It's only natural..."

"But this is even more so!" Allison insisted, reaching for the journal she kept in her backpack. Opening it to the page she was looking for, she handed the book to the older woman, who studied it closely.

"I've never seen one of those, but I've heard the name. It's called an ultrasound, am I correct?"

"Yes ma'am," she nodded.

"You are not pregnant now?"

"No," she answered, "but I was, just over a year ago."

"Oh child," Madam Pomfrey shook her head. "What happened?"

"Attacked by a Death Eater, madam," Allison fought to keep her voice controlled. "The baby did not live past the sixth month in the womb."

"And so, your question is whether or not you'd be able to conceive once again, because you've lost a baby?"

Allison nodded, blushing slightly.

"It is not a question to be ashamed of, Miss McCormack," she insisted. "There are many cases of women becoming pregnant again after a miscarriage, though it is considered by some to be quite difficult. As for knowing when you shall conceive, it's always difficult to determine. Have you spoken to your betrothed about this?"

"He doesn't yet know how I stand on the subject, but he knows about the miscarriage."

"The only advice I could give you is to speak to him about it, preferably before the wedding, so he is very clear."

Nodding, Allison accepted the note the Matron had written to admit her to her next class, as the first was nearly over, and left the Hospital Wing, still as confused and scared as before.


	15. Whispers in the Dark

**surf with music: Unfortunately "Something Beautiful" is a long way off, for both Allison and Severus. I sent you a reply, I hope it explained the angle I was heading for. It's always lovely to see a new reviewer, thank you very much**

**Ashes Falling: Sorry, there's only one Disney reference in there. Hooray for Aladdin (pumps fist in the air). Eventually I'm going to have her bring that up to Severus, and we'll see how he handles it. Thanks for the review.**

**His Half Blood Princess: Thank you so very much, it's always nice to see a new reviewer. **

**Amberdream7: Well I can't make it too easy for everyone, then it's not interesting. I like pushing my characters through those varying emotions. Thanks for the review**

**akuma-chan0326: There's a meaning behind everything that happens to both Allison and Severus throughout this story. Thanks for the review.**

**Gem Of The Stars: Thank you, your comments are very much appreciated. I hope you enjoy this next chapter, and thank you for the review**

**rejazzz: Of course, of course. I hope this chapter satisfies. Thank you for the review darling**

**sephora85: Seeing as they have no choice, they are learning to work together and eventually they will accept each other. I'm just not sure how their going to do that yet. Thank you for the review**

**I would like to thank each and every person who has reviewed and/or put Into the Night on the their Story Alert or into their Favourites. I would also like to thank those who have put my name into their Favourites/ Author Alerts. There's nothing better than seeing how many people what to see what happens next. And to those who lurk, feel free to leave a review, the door is always open.**

**And a special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2. the the excellent beta job. **

**ooOoo**

_Despite the lies that you're making, your love is mine for the taking. My love is, just waiting, to turn your tears to roses_

_Whispers in the Dark- Skillet _

**ooOoo**

Allison arrived back into the common room unusually early. Unfortunately it was only five o'clock in the evening, and so it was packed. There were people spread out over the floor with rolls upon rolls of parchment, ink, quills, and textbooks, while others were reading newspapers and talking to each other. Needless to say, the only time where you'd be getting anything done would be late into the night.

"Allison, there's an owl waiting for you," someone shouted over the noise, indicating the same school owl that she had sent .

"Oh," she answered, going over to the window ledge and opening said pane of glass. The owl held out its leg and hooted as she untied the letter and took it upstairs to her four-poster.

Drawing the curtains around her, she broke the seal on the letter and slowly unfolded it. Hermione had a habit of writing more than was necessary, always had, but this time it seemed unusually short. It was only two rolls of parchment, but her writing was microscopic. It was a wonder any of her teachers had been able to read her essays and assignments. Squinting, Allison flopped on to her stomach and began to read.

_Allison,_

_Let me reassure you that I shall not breathe a word of what you sent me to anyone, especially since you're so upset. _

_It's only natural to feel what you're feeling, considering the circumstances. You're only seventeen, and here is this man who is over twenty years older and much more experienced. I won't say that I understand how you're feeling because I'm not in your position and I never have been, but if you need to talk, I'm always here, you know that._

_No one said you had to consummate the marriage right away. If you're uncomfortable with the prospect of sex so soon after you're married, tell him. I don't believe Severus would force you. There's no reason why you can't wait for a few weeks before. The law only states that you need to get pregnant within a year, not necessarily to give birth._

_I agree, you can't be everyone's saving grace, and I don't believe anyone is asking you to do so. Of course, the fate of the entire wizarding world was on Harry's shoulders only a year or so ago, and he's still recovering from that, but that's besides the point. I don't believe you need to hear about that, because we should focus on you for the time being._

_Sorry if I seem a little off-putting in this letter, but I find it extremely difficult to say what can be said on parchment. Perhaps next weekend you could come by and we'll talk this over? It would put us both at ease, I'm sure._

_Send a response as soon as possible._

_Cheers,_

_Hermione Granger _

**ooOoo**

Severus Snape sat in his chambers in front of the fireplace, watching the ash swirl as the fire flickered. If only there were a way to satisfy both Allison's need to be acknowledged and his need to keep Lily close. Surely he was past all this.

But wasn't it only a short while ago that he had practically begged Lily to stay with him, and she had promised that she'd stay until he was ready to let her go?

Closing his eyes, he could see it all happen again.

"_I'm sorry..."_

"_I'm not interested."_

"_I'm sorry..."_

"_Save your breath."_

"_I never meant to..."_

"_Call me Mudblood? You call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus, why should I be any different?_

_He closed his mouth without speaking._

"_I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."_

The scene was changing. Now he was kneeling in front of Allison, slipping the ring on to her finger.

"_It was for Lily, wasn't it?"_

"_No,"_ he had answered. _"This was for you."_

Again, the scene changed. He was examining the letter from the Ministry, compelling him to marry, and stunned that his only choice was Allison McCormack, then it was changing rapidly, he saw himself talking with Allison's father, holding the frame containing a photo of a young Allison and her sister, mixed with images of Lily and himself reading a book together on a high branch of a willow tree, jumping off the swings and running through the sandbox that surrounded it, the time he had been playing with some of his mother's old schoolbooks and his father had come home, storming through the house in a drunken rage, he had climbed through his bedroom window and fled to Lily's house. He remembered pounding on the door, wheezing, tears running down his cheeks, telling her mother that his parents were fighting again.

A cry erupted from his throat, the sound of a wounded animal, scaring him awake. His breathing laboured, he pushed himself up out of the chair and headed into the washroom. Shutting the door, he yanked on the faucet so hard it would have separated from the sink had it not been mixed there by magic. The water streamed into his waiting hands, leaving him ample time to mull over what he had just seen.

The sensation of the cool water hitting his face allowed him enough time to wake up. Blinking, he grabbed a towel and dried himself off.

She was being downright unreasonable, expecting him to leave the memory of Lily behind. Of course she was not Lily, Lily was not flawed as she was.

As Allison was or as _he _was?

At this point he didn't even remember. Of course he was flawed, that fact had long since been established, there was no point in repeating such a thing. That shouting match had done nothing for them, except make him realize that she was a stubborn little bint, and that she was nothing more than...

_A young woman who is not shy about putting you in your place when it's needed?_ A voice taunted.

_Damn you!_ Severus cursed.

_Ah, so is this acceptance?_

_It is nothing of the sort! _he insisted.

_That's not impressive, you know. Denial gets you nowhere._

Severus rolled his eyes and pushed the voice to the back of his mind.

**ooOoo**

Allison had sent a response back to Hermione as soon as she could, stating that she would indeed meet Hermione that weekend so they could talk things out. She agreed with the older witch, sometimes parchment was just too restrictive as opposed to what could be said out loud.

But she couldn't help but think that even for Hermione, that letter she had sent seemed a little shrewd. Usually she went on and on about everything that was happening with her, where she was working, what she was doing, where she intended to go, all of that had had Allison looking forward to her letters, seeing as she rarely spoke with Edward any more.

Nevertheless, by the time Saturday came around, she had not spoken to Severus, and so he was not aware of this meeting she had set up with Hermione. As he had once told her, "far be it for me to forbid you from doing as you wish", but she was not going too far, only to Edinburgh, where Hermione spent most of her time. Surely nothing could go wrong if she was only out for a few hours.

Upon arriving in Edinburgh, Allison knocked on the door to Hermione's apartment. Normally Hermione answered the door within thirty seconds, but this time there was nothing but silence.

The door creaked as she pushed it open.

"Hermione?" she called into the stale air. Surveying the room, she saw chairs overturned, a table broken in two, a mirror shattered on the floor, and a foul word written in blood across the wall.

Suddenly a rough, scabbed hand reached out in front of her and clamped itself over her mouth, rendering her speechless.

"Say anything and she dies," a tarnished voice hissed, piercing the night air.


	16. Broadway is Dark Tonight

**His Half Blood Princess: Oh someone's on their way. Thanks for the review. **

**Ashes Falling: Yes dear, I am so incredibly evil for leaving the cliff-hanger like that. Fortunately, I'm not making you suffer for too long. Thanks for the review**

**sephora85: Hold on, here's the next chapter :D Thanks for the review**

**ThereAre666Ways2Love: Thanks for the review**

**surf with music: I was, personally, always an Alan Doyle fan, but I love them all equally. Severus is not ready to give Lily up yet, and he knows he's not, but I'm not sure if Allison's going tolerate it much longer. No worries, I understood. Thanks for the review**

**Special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2. for the excellent beta job :D **

**ooOoo**

_See the young man sitting in the old man's bar, waiting for his turn to die_

_Broadway is Dark Tonight- Goo Goo Dolls_

**ooOoo**

The foreboding footsteps on the hardwood floor in the other room made her heart jump into her throat. It wasn't as though they were simply someone stomping down the hallway for the sake of stomping, they were going to _kill _her.

She and Hermione lay locked in her bathroom, neither one of them daring to open the door, for fear that what they would meet on the other side would be the sound of a Death Eater casting the Killing Curse. They had probably cast thousands of killing curses upon countless Muggles with no chance to defend themselves, she wouldn't put it past them to do it again.

"Hermione," she whispered, inching closer to the edge of the bathtub. "Hermione, are you alright?"

"Allison?" she heard another voice. "Allison, is that you?"

"Yeah," Allison answered, groping to find something to hold on to as she struggled to her feet. "What happened to you?"

"They knocked down the door, I didn't have time to defend myself..."

"Hermione, you did the best you could. One of you against five powerful Death Eaters. Five Death Eaters who are immensely more experienced and who have a greater knowledge of the Dark Arts than you'll ever care to know, simply because you're such a good person."

"Oh Allie..." Hermione sighed. "As much as you'd hope that would help, it doesn't."

"I'm sorry..."

The door opened and a large, foreboding figure stood in the light from the hallway. 

"Alright, ginger, you're coming with me!" the same tarnished voice who had thrown her in to the bedroom reached down and roughly grabbed her by the back of the neck. 

With one scream Allison's hands went up in a desperate attempt to rid herself of the man's hands on her body. They were rough, scabbed, moving up and down her back, giving her goosebumps and making her sick to her stomach.

"She didn't do anything wrong, leave her be!" Allison shouted to no avail. "Let us go! We're of no value to you."

"Oh you've got _that _right, deary, how very smart of you." The man threw her into the wall, knocking the wind out of her. "We've got no use for filthy little Mudbloods like yourself. I'd kill you right now if I wasn't under orders to keep you two alive."

Allison could feel her ribs aching as she struggled to breathe. There was a grunt of pain as another Death Eater (she couldn't see who), came from the bedroom dragging Hermione the same way Allison herself had been removed.

"Come on, lovely... we're gonna join yer little Mudblood friend here..."

"Let her go!" Allison screeched.

"Shut up!" a hand reached over and went clear across her cheek with a resounding CRACK. Allison hit the floor once again with a hard thud. 

Coughing and sputtering, Allison managed to work herself up to all fours, clutching her ribs. Another sickening sound let her know Hermione had joined her. Repeated grunts informed her that she was not the only one on the receiving end of continued abuse.

"_Crucio!" _someone shouted, and Allison felt pain shoot through her limbs and all throughout her body. Her brain started going fuzzy, images of Severus and Noelle swam and blurred together. 

And then something else. A hooded, cloaked figure was gliding toward her, their face covered with an orate mask. It was partially covered by thick smoke, still approaching her.

She screamed as her heart dropped into her stomach. The pain was marginally subsiding, but it was still there.

"So tell me, ginger, why are you here?"

"I only came to talk to my friend... please, don't hurt her! Please!" Allison screamed through the fog in her head. 

"_Crucio!"_the same person shouted again, but this time Allison was not the only one screaming. Someone was using the same Curse on Hermione as well. Wanting desperately to pick herself up off the floor and throw herself over her best friend to protect her, she found it physically impossible.

"Don't lie, Mudblood. I know you're connected to him, why?"

"Who?" she managed, her body now shaking involuntarily. "What do you want with me? What value am I to you?" 

"You both have information on Severus Snape..."

"He won't give in to you, you know..." Hermione managed. "He was never yours! He was Dumbledore's through and through..."

"You know, just for that, I think we'll let Greyback have a few extra minutes with you..."

"No!" Allison shrieked, staggering to her feet and throwing herself over Hermione. "No, you don't want her!"

"And why don't I?"

"Because I'm the one who has the information!"

"_You,_ ginger?" the Death Eater laughed. "_You're_ the one with the information? Hah! How do we know you ain't lyin'?"

Allison sighed, pointing her wand to her temple.

"Allie, no! Don't do it!" Hermione screamed. "It's too complex, you could seriously hurt yourself!"

"It's a chance I'm willing to take, Hermione, now hush!" The beginning of a silver thread appeared at her temple, attached to her wand. Hermione clamped her hand over her mouth, deciding silence was golden.

"Any of you got a flask?" Allison asked, her breath laboured. Everyone was still. "Come on, none of you are good Legilimens. If you want the truth, give me a flask!"

Within a matter of seconds a flask was offered, and Allison deposited whatever memories she could find that would protect both her and Hermione, as well as Severus, into said flask, and promptly collapsed overtop her friend.

**ooOoo**

"Professor Snape, sir?" a voice came from behind him as he journeyed down the hallway.

Turning, Severus came face to face with another of the students in his NEWT level Potions class. 

"Mr. Flatley, is it?"

"Yes sir, Edward Flatley," the young man answered. "I'm the one you asked to take Allis- I mean- Miss McCormack, to the hospital wing after she'd been hexed by that Ravenclaw a few months ago."

"Ah yes," he mused. "Did you ever deduce why he chose to hex her?"

"No sir," Edward answered.

"And so that still does not explain why we are standing in the middle of a corridor when you have another class to attend."

"I'm on a free period sir..."

"Mr. Flatley, I can assure you that I do not tolerate my time being wasted like this. Either ask what you have to ask or get out of my sight."

"Yes sir," Edward gulped, looking down toward his shoes. "Allison- Miss McCormack- hasn't been to class for the last few days, and I was beginning to worry."

"And why should that matter to me?"

"I just thought I'd let you know, sir."

"I don't see why you have not gone to your Head of House about this. I'm sure she's ill and has been spending..."

"Sir, she's not in the dormitory. She's not Head Girl, so she doesn't have her own dormitory, and I haven't seen her since Saturday. It's Wednesday now."

Severus rolled his eyes. "Thank you, Mr. Flatley," he turned. "I suggest you clear out and I shall speak to Professor Dumbledore about this... _now!"_

Edward did not think for a second to disobey. He had disappeared by the time Severus turned around. Pleased that the corridor was now deserted, he made his way to Dumbledore's office, whispered the password to the stone gargoyle, and climbed the stairs to the door of the Headmaster's office.

**ooOoo**

"Hmmm, you're right, ginger..." the Death Eater mumbled, allowing the memories to float in mid-air above them. "Maybe I'll just keep you..."

Allison struggled against the bonds holding her hands tied behind her back. Really, when you thought about it, they were using various Muggle ways of restraint. Why would Death Eaters, supposedly so skilled at forms of torture, resort to using Muggle restraints? 

Perhaps by now their brains were so addled by Dark Magic they didn't care what restraint they used, as long as they could get their confession.

"Yes, perhaps if we keep you long enough, our dear Severus will come to save you. Perhaps if you're weak, you can't fight back. Dear dear, I wonder what he'll say when he returns to find you ripped to shreds..."

Allison's eyes grew wide.

"Oh, but it seems such a shame to leave you like this, ginger. I'm surprised our dear Severus has never had his way with you..."

"That's never come up, you sick bastard!"

"Of course it hasn't, perhaps because you're too scared?"

"Who said I was scared?" Allison spat, summoning a greater amount of courage than she felt.

"Oh I know you are, and can you guess why?"

She shook her head.

"Because I got you last time. I seem to remember you screaming your sister's name. Same thing you're doin' with yer little Mudblood friend here. Any of this ring a bell?" his brow arched maniacally. 

Allison's eyes grew wide as she wrapped her arms around a now unconscious Hermione. 

"Oh yes, Mudblood. I did it. Unfortunately I reeked of virgin blood for days on end..."

"_You?"_Allison sputtered. _"You're_ the one who raped me?"

He smirked, reaching forward to grab hold of the front of her pants. His hands were traveling toward the zipper, jerking it down and undoing the button that held the fabric to her waist.

Allison raised her leg and her knee connected with her assailant's groin. He doubled over in pain, his hands protecting his manhood as Allison suddenly found her fingers and quickly worked through the simple double knot binding her wrists together. Rolling over, she grabbed Hermione, still bound, pulled her up and freed her as well. 

As soon as they could, they fled.

"Grab your wand!" Allison shouted to her best friend, who grabbed it off the nightstand and ran with her. For all they were worth, they ran to the front door.

It wouldn't budge.

"Oh fuck!" Hermione whispered. If they were trapped within the tiny space, they had no chance. "Oh Merlin, what are we going to do?"

"Somebody's bound to have noticed we're in trouble," Allison was close to hyperventilating. "Oh come on Severus, where are you?" she willed the ceiling.

There was suddenly a flash of light and both Hermione and Allison were knocked backward into the hallway wall.

"_Stupefy!"_a voice pierced the suddenly silent air, and soon a battle had begun. Streams of red and green light filled the room as both young women struggled to their feet. 

Coughing and sputtering, Allison got to her feet and grabbed Hermione's forearm. The sensation of being pushed through a rubber tube overtook them, and they found themselves standing outside the Hogwarts gates, sweat pouring down their faces and their clothes splattered with blood.

"Help..." Hermione managed before they both collapsed on to the cold, rain- soaked ground.


	17. What You Want

**darklord3535: Here you go**

**Ashes Falling: Oops, must have been writing on autopilot. Sorry :). Here's more for you, have tissues handy**

**His Half Blood Princess: Oh yes I can leave it there, but to make up for it I give you this new chapter. Thanks for the review**

**sephora85: Yes I know I'm cruel. Thanks for the review**

**Shadow Spirit Song: Thank you**

**Brown eyed Girl 75: It's been so wonderful chatting with you, and I hope it continues. Thanks for the review**

**The Queen of Confusion: Here you are, thanks for the review**

**rejazzz: No problem, I can appreciate being busy, that's why this chapter took so long. Thanks for the review**

**Special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2. for the excellent beta job**

**ooOoo**

_Don't come around if you're lost, until you consider what it will cost. You pull me then push me away, chasing you is not any fun. Maybe I'm not what you want._

_What You Want- Ingram Hill_

**ooOoo**

Allison rolled over to find herself staring at the wall of the Hogwarts Hospital Wing. The old, etched stone seemed to stare back at her.

Rolling over to her back, her eyes remained fixed to the ceiling. It was not charmed to look like anything other that what it was, and there was not much to do while lying in bed. Within an hour of waking, Allison was already bored.

"Madam, is there anything here to read?"

"Not unless you enjoy reading my medical journals. Full of all sorts of diagrams and writings."

"Oh, of what?"

"Every manner of disease, transfiguration gone wrong, potion mishaps..."

Allison's face contorted into a look of disgust. "Eww."

"As I said, dear, quite sorry."

"That's okay. Maybe I'll just go back to sleep."

"How much sleep does one girl need?" Madam Pomfrey shook her head. "You've been asleep for a day and a half!"

"My record is three."

"What?" Hermione turned over to face Allison, supporting herself on her elbow. "Why the hell would you want to sleep for three days?"

"I had nothing else to do..."

"You couldn't have gone out? Gone to the library?"

"_Nobody_ loves books and reading as much as you do, Hermione. Believe me." Allison sat up, adjusting her blanket. "I don't have the patience to sit in a library and devour every other book on the shelf."

"And yet you were able to sleep for three days."

"Don't ask me how, I don't know."

Hermione rolled her eyes. She couldn't remember a time where she and Allison had shared playful banter like this. She supposed it was because the two of them had been thrust into such an emotional situation, and this was the best way they knew of dealing with it. In fact, it was nice. A fresh start in a way.

"Sorry to interrupt ladies, but, Miss Granger, do you have some place to stay once you're discharged?"

"I could always go and stay at the Burrow," she replied, wiping the hair from her eyes. "Mrs. Weasley said I was always welcome."

"Oh yes, I always liked Molly," Madam Pomfrey mused. "And how about yourself, Miss McCormack?"

"Madam, you know very well my place is here at the school. Not to worry, I'll return to my dormitory..." she pulled herself up, and immediately clutched a hand to her ribs. The first of many hacking coughs overtook her body.

Lying back on to the pillow, she moaned.

"I don't think you're going anywhere," the medi-witch tucked the blanket around Allison's body. "Not for a while at least."

"But what about..."

Madam Pomfrey raised an eyebrow.

"Never mind."

"I don't want you over-exerting yourself. You'll remain here until I discharge you..."

Allison let out an annoyed sound that sounded oddly like "Pfft", and closed her eyes again. Even now she was bored to tears, and wanted nothing more than to leave and find out what had happened to whoever had rescued them. She hadn't actually gotten a good look at who it had been, but now she couldn't help but wonder who it had been.

**ooOoo**

The foolish, _foolish_ girl! Why the hell would she have left the castle and not said a word to anyone of where she was going? Even if she was of age, she was still the school's responsibility.

Of course, how could she have known that Death Eaters would have stormed the place? There were still those had not been captured, even after Voldemort's downfall. Many had been imprisoned, but there were still some who had avoided capture. Rabastan Lestrange had been one of them.

And the man was still not dead. He'd Disapparated just after Severus had aimed a shot at him. Now he was more than likely abroad, gone into hiding, but Severus knew very well that it would not last for long. Rabastan Lestrange would not be silenced.

Now, as he walked the corridors toward the Hospital Wing, he couldn't quite name the range of emotions he was feeling. Was it rage? Pity? Confusion? There was nothing he wished more than to shake the stuffing out of the girl. How could she do something so reckless? Pushing open the door to the Hospital Wing, his anger seemed irrepressible as he inquired about the state of both the young women who had been admitted just a short while before.

"Leave them be, Severus, they've been through a horrible ordeal. You can speak with Miss McCormack and Miss Granger later," Madam Pomfrey turned toward the stock cupboard. "Oh, and I'm running low on a number of burn remedies and Blood Replenishing potions. Would you be so kind as to brew a little more?"

Scowling, he consented. And as he turned to walk out, the curtain erected around two of the beds shifted ever so slightly, and a round brown eyes peered at him before letting the curtain settle once again.

**ooOoo**

"Okay, he's left," Hermione turned over to face Allison once again.

Allison sighed and laid back on her pillow. "The man drives me up the wall!"

"Men do that, you know," Hermione gave her a smile. "Claiming to love you one minute and then claim that you're driving them crazy the next."

"Which is exactly why this isn't going to work," Allison told her. "He's never once told me he actually cares for me, let alone claimed to be in love with me, which I know he isn't."

Hermione looked at her sideways. "Are we going to go through this entire conversation again?"

"Certainly not, I hate having to talk about it, ring on the finger or not. But anyway, that's not the point. Remember how I told you I was extremely uncomfortable about the prospect of sex?"

"Yes of course, considering," Hermione answered. "But go on, I'll listen."

"This marriage law embodies everything I swore I'd never give in to."

"How so?"

"Well, for one, I swore I'd never get involved with a man, swore I'd never get pregnant again, swore I wasn't going to come back into the wizarding world. I'd convinced myself I didn't belong here, that I should just give this up and live as a Muggle."

"And yet you're here. What happened to your plan?"

"The letter from the Ministry."

"You had the option to refuse it, why didn't you take the opportunity?"

"I..." she was at a loss for words. "I have no idea."

**ooOoo**

Allison arrived at Severus' chamber doors a few days later, her ribs still bruised and feeling the after-effects of the potions she'd taken to help her heal. Standing in front of the heavy wooden door, she couldn't bring herself to knock. Something told her it wasn't a good idea. Turning, she hung her head and walked back down the corridor, all the while staring at her shoes.

**ooOoo**

Severus kept his eyes on his cauldron, wanting nothing more than to forget that Rabastan Lestrange had been anywhere near either Allison or Hermione. The fact that Allison had gone off the grounds without a word to anyone infuriated him to no end, did she not understand how close she could have come to tragedy? Hardly anyone who came across the likes of Rabastan Lestrange lived to tell the tale.

He could only imagine what could have befallen them had he and the rest of the Order barged into that apartment. Seeing the two young women in such a state had almost led him to believe that they had arrived only a moment too late.

**ooOoo**

"Miss McCormack, I'd like to see you after class regarding your essay."

Shrugging, Allison went back to her textbook work. She did not want to be anywhere near Severus Snape, particularly today. No doubt he was going to ask her why she had left Hogwarts. He did not need to know why, it was not important.

The bell rang, and Allison made it clear that she had no intention of moving at all. Her quill continued to move along the piece of parchment as Severus moved toward her desk. She did not look up.

"Miss McCormack..."

"Yes Professor?" she continued writing.

"You are aware of why I wish to speak with you, yes?"

"More than likely," she would not meet his eye.

"I want to know why you would leave the school grounds without authorization and why you chose to keep your destination quiet."

"I went to visit a friend. Suddenly it's illegal?"

"Visitation is not illegal, certainly not."

"Then why are we having this conversation?"

"For the simple reason that you were nearly killed because of this little excursion."

"Oh, so you suddenly care," Allison dipped her quill into her ink and continued to write. "How was I to know Death Eaters were going to storm Hermione's apartment?"

"You had no way of knowing, but _leaving the grounds_ was incredibly foolish, especially now."

Shaking her head, Allison closed her ink pot and finally looked up to finally meet his eye. "Are you _really_ going to throw all that I've done wrong back in my face? Because that's low, Severus, even for you. Sure, I've made mistakes, and I'm beginning to think that coming back to Hogwarts was one of the biggest ones I've ever made," she stood up, leaving her bag under the desk, and walked toward him.

Standing in front of him, he saw tiny tears forming in the corner of her eye. She brought her hand up to meet her forearm, her arms crossing over her chest.

The metal around her ring finger offered a tiny glint in the remaining light. With her left hand, she pulled the ring off and grabbed his right hand. Depositing the ring into his open palm, she curled his fingers around it, reached up, and kissed his cheek.

And without saying another word, she turned on her heel, grabbed her schoolbag and closed the door behind her on the way out.


	18. Wasting My Time

**Gem of the Stars: NO! I don't want the squid! Keep it away from me! Ha ha, I'm evil. Thanks for the review**

**surf with music: I shall find a way for them to reconcile, though not all endings are happy endings. Thanks for the review**

**The Queen of Confusion: Interesting yes. Severus' reaction? Well it may surprise you. Thanks for the review**

**sephora85: You'll see, good things come to those who wait. Thanks for the review**

**Ashes Falling: In her state of shock Allison missed that too, until she read the letter again. She's very brave, sure, but she can't do it all on her own. Wait and see what happens next. Thanks for the review. PS. Guess who's back?**

**Lizzie: Thank you**

**darklord3535: Lots of emotion and even more to come. Thanks for the review**

**This chapter has now been beta'd. Special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2.**

**ooOoo**

_Months went by with us pretending, when did all lights turn from green to red? I took a chance and left you standing, lost the will to do this once again._

_Wasting My Time- Default_

**ooOoo**

Unwilling to yield, Severus followed her out the door, the ring still clutched in his palm.

"Allison!" he called after her.

She did not look back.

Severus started down the hall after her. "This is not a matter of simply returning the ring, Miss McCormack. There is too much at stake for this..."

"See, that's the problem!" she fought to keep her voice down. "That's _your_ problem! Always doubting the fact that someone else could love you!" She turned away from him, unable to look at him. "You loved Lily, I know that, but you can't seem to let that go!"

He could not bring himself to speak.

"_I _loved you!" she growled, before she could stop herself. "You had the opportunity to refuse the Ministry letter, as did I, but I didn't. I thought I _belonged_ at Hogwarts, in the wizarding world. I thought you and I had a chance."

"Allison..." Severus reached out to her.

"Don't," she shook her head. "Don't tell me you're sorry for the pain you've caused me. Don't tell me Lily isn't still part of you. Don't tell me you're going to let her go simply because I've followed through on a threat."

"Allison," Severus' voice was close to a whisper. Gently taking her hand, he deposited the ring back into her hand. "Take this."

"No," she did not bear to keep something like this. The ring symbolized something that wasn't meant to be. Removing it from her finger showed she was not meant to be with Severus Snape. It emphasized the fact that the Marriage Law forced two people together when they could not accept each other and the idea was simply barbaric. "I can't keep this. Please, Severus..." she shook her head again and turned away from him.

His face seemed hidden beneath his hair, though his silence and the hurt in his eyes spoke volumes.

"It's not going to work, Severus," she insisted. "I don't belong here."

"What gave you that idea?"

"I've known for a while," she answered. "I think I figured it out after we went to visit my parents. They were right, you and I are too different. You'll never be able to love me like you loved her. You're fooling yourself if you try to convince yourself otherwise."

The metal that had bound them now sat still in her hand.

"I guess there's no point in having this between us, is there?" the silence between them was palpable.

"I suppose not," he answered.

"What should we do with it, then?"

"Here," Severus pointed his wand at the ring resting in her palm.

A flash of light illuminated the damp dungeon corridor, and the ring was no longer there. Instead a white dove sat in her hand.

"A dove?" she whispered. "Severus..."

"Watch..." he insisted.

And watch she did. The dove looked up at her with sorrowful eyes, pecked her palm once, and flew down the corridor and through an open window.

It was impossible for her to look him in the eye now.

"Goodbye Severus."

"Good luck, Allison."

She walked away with tears in her eyes. This was the way it had to be, she had to leave him behind.

No matter how much it hurt.

**ooOoo**

Allison walked through the train station feeling almost numb. She couldn't believe this had taken place. She had given the ring back to Severus and he had let her go. It seemed so long ago that she had gotten the letter and said goodbye to everything she knew.

Now she had next to nothing. She had no idea what Neil had decided to do, her parents would not speak to her, and she was sure her house, small as it was, was in disarray; she hadn't lived there for months.

Taking the Underground back home, she almost threw herself through her front door. The hallway seemed bare and dead, the plants dead from lack of water and a thick layer of dust covered the table and counter tops in the kitchen.

"Oh Jesus," she whispered to herself. Her telephone had been disconnected, the cupboards were more than likely empty, and the lightbulbs in the lamps had long since run out. As the sun began to set, the house suddenly became very still, dark, and once again eerily quiet. Not wanting to stay there alone quite yet, she made her way toward the town pub.

For a Friday night the place was incredibly crowded. She pushed through the crowd toward what she thought was a relatively empty corner of the bar. It was there that she saw Neil Lansdell lying face down on the table, a hand still clutching hopelessly at a beer bottle.

"Merlin's pants, Neil," she whispered to herself. "What have you done to yourself?" Sliding into the booth beside him, she shook his shoulder.

"Neil, come on, we've got to get you out of here." Allison hoisted his arm around her shoulder and supported him as he attempted to stand on two feet.

He garbled something she didn't recognize. It almost sounded like "What'cha pretty girl like you doin' in here?" but with him so drunk she wouldn't want to risk anything.

"That's nice. Now come on, we should get you home. You're too drunk to stay here."

"Why're you here for me?"

"Because you're my friend, Neil. I don't know how you got in here, but you need to get home. Sleep it off."

"No, I dun wanna," he mumbled, attempting to push her away from him, effectively knocking her over. He stumbled forward as he tried to steady himself, but failed.

Brushing herself off, she stood up and hoisted him to his feet again. Making her way toward the exit, she was constantly blocked by patrons bargaining for more alcohol.

"Heya pretty girl, fancy giving me your digits?" A bar patron clearly old enough to be her brother, be it at least a brother fifteen years older than herself, stopped her.

"Sure, it's 555 FUCK OFF," she answered, struggling under Neil's weight.

"Hey whoa, why so frosty?" he laughed, leaning back with a drink in his hand.

"Because my best friend is drunk enough to yack all over your nice European leather shoes. Now let me through, God damn it!"

She pushed through the crowd still near the door and got them out to the door. Neil stumbled as she held him up with one hand and hailed a taxi.

"Ugh, I dun wanna go home, I not..."

"Come on, Neil, let's get you in bed," she helped him into the taxi and told the driver her address.

The bumpy ride was definitely not good for Neil's stomach. He had drunk too much and eaten nothing while at the bar. He moaned as she paid the driver and helped him into the house.

"Ugh..."

"Alright, come on, into the bathroom," she closed the door behind them and had him bend over the toilet. His stomach voided itself as she went to the kitchen to get him water.

He heard him slump against the wall and sigh.

"Neil, sweetie, drink up," she handed him the water and smiled. She helped him to the couch and covered him with a blanket. "Sleep tight..."

"Allie..." he slurred, reaching out to her.

"Yes Neil?"

"I love you," he slurred.

She smiled slightly and turned to go back into her own bedroom, wishing very much that she could forget what Neil had just said.


	19. Same Mistake

**Ashes Falling: Sent you a PM about that question of yours. Did you get it? If so, I hope it answered your question satisfactorily. Thanks for the review**

**The Queen of Confusion: Here you are, thanks for the review**

**Special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2. for the excellent beta.**

**ooOoo**

_So I'm turning in my sheets, and once again, I cannot sleep. Walk out the door and up the street, look at the stars beneath my feet. Remember rights that I did wrong, so here I go. Hello, hello, there is no place I cannot go. My mind is muddy but, my heart is heavy, does it show? I lose the trap that loses me, so here I go. So I sent some men to fight, and one came back in the dead of night. Said he'd seen my enemy, said he looked just like me. So I set out to cut myself, and here I go. I'm not crawling for a second chance, I'm screaming at the top of my voice. Give me reason, but don't give me choice, cause I'll just make, the same mistake again._

_Same Mistake- James Blunt_

**ooOoo**

Neil Lansdell awoke with a start. He was not lying on the floor of a dingy bar, he was instead on a couch. His head felt as though someone were pounding a jackhammer into limestone inside his skull. His mouth felt as though he had swallowed cotton. Sitting up, his eyes protested against the bright light that flooded the room.

Throwing the blanket off of his legs, he stood up and rubbed the back of his head. He had expected this: the dry mouth, the pounding headache, the inability to look at light...

"Allison!"

Not who he had expected.

"Holy shit!" she jumped at the sound of his voice, dumping her coffee all over the living room carpet.

"Why are _you _here?"

"Why am _I _here? This is my house!" she went into the bathroom adjacent to the living room and grabbed the roll of paper towels. Ripping off about a dozen sheets, she hastily began to mop up the mess. "Oh Jesus Christ, look at this!"

"That'll come out with some carpet cleaner."

"Sure, along with the other million and a half things I need to do in the next _week!"_ Her coffee cup forgotten, the tears came rolling down her cheeks as her fist pounded the paper towels into the carpet. "It's just not _fair!"_ she sobbed.

His headache increasing in magnitude, he went up the stairs and poured himself a cup of coffee and went back downstairs. A crying woman was not something he could deal with in his inhibited state. Upon his return he saw Allison sitting on her knees, the tears still flowing, and her left hand bare.

"Wait a minute, what..."

"Happened to my ring? I..." the tears could not be stopped. "I gave it back."

"Why?"

"He didn't love me," she cried, despair evident in her tone.

"Why give you the ring in the first place then?"

"You wouldn't understand, Neil," she answered, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "The whole situation is just... so complicated you wouldn't even begin to understand why we agreed to get married in the first place."

Neil sat down beside her and took her hand. "I want to understand."

"Like that time you 'wanted' to understand when we were at Ramsey's and I told you about the engagement? In case you've forgotten, Neil, you stormed out and told me you wanted nothing more to do with me!"

"This is different..."

"The hell it is!" she looked him in the eyes. "This is no different. You were so incensed that you went to my parents and told them I was engaged! They wouldn't have found out if you hadn't told them!"

"I never meant..."

"You never meant what?" It was obvious she didn't believe him. "Meant to make my mother send me a scathing letter _demanding, _not asking, _demanding_ that I come home from school and explain myself? Or could it be that you never meant for me to find out my father was blind and still so angry with me that he won't talk to me? Forgive me if I don't trust your word on this."

"Ah..." Neil's words caught in his throat. "You're right."

He brought his hand to her cheek and gently caressed the soft skin. She stared at him with tears in her eyes. She was barely aware of what she was doing. Her head seemed to gravitate toward his shoulder, and suddenly she felt herself melt into his embrace. Her arms went around his neck, and her body nearly went limp. All her anger, sorrow, and grief came to life as she sobbed on his shoulder.

**ooOoo**

Severus sat in his living quarters, hunched forward in the armchair that faced the fireplace, which bore no flames. All that remained were the swirling embers that floated toward the ceiling.

He'd released her and let her walk away. She was free to leave the wizarding world behind and do as she pleased. Perhaps she could return to the ice, start her career once again. The day he'd first been sent to see her he'd watched her skate; she seemed so at home.

Which brought him to his next dilemma. He could not understand why a seventeen year old girl had decided she was going to sacrifice all she had worked for just to agree to a marriage law. She could have rejected the Ministry letter, she was perfectly within her rights to do so, and yet she had not.

She had accepted her fate and taken him on as a challenge. Wasn't that what she had said? She had accepted him because he was a challenge, because he would constantly test her and allow her to pursue her interests.

Yet why did it hurt him so badly? Shouldn't he be happy, free to love Lily?

Lily...

She had been the one person who hadn't judged him, who had offered him friendship when he had nothing else to hold on to. She was...

Just like Allison.

Yet Allison was unlike her in so many ways. She had often said she would not abandon him just because he had made a mistake.

But she had not abandoned him; he had pushed her away.

Why? How could he have made such a stupid mistake?

**ooOoo**

Allison dried the last of her tears and looked Neil in the face.

"I'm sorry..." she murmured. "I shouldn't be doing this to you, Neil, it's not fair..."

"That's what friends are for, Allie," he picked her up and carried her into her bedroom, laying her down and covered her with a blanket. Kissing her temple, he turned and grabbed her bedroom door handle. "I'll let myself out. You get some rest, all right?"

When she did not answer, he hung his head and walked out of the house, closing and locking the front door behind him.

Upon hearing the front door close, the tears came again, her body wracked with sobs.

Why did leaving Severus hurt her so much if she didn't love him?

Perhaps if he hadn't pushed her away she could still have the ring on her finger.

Why did he have to be so _stubborn?_

Why hadn't she taken the chance and rejected the Ministry letter? If she'd done so none of this would have happened.

It was then, as she contemplated that thought that an owl sat perched on the windowsill. It hooted softly, grabbing her attention.

Attached to its leg was a letter with a Ministry of Magic seal.

Gingerly taking it, paying the owl and watching it fly out the window once again, she broke the seal and unrolled the letter with baited breath.

_Miss Allison McCormack,_

_It has come to our attention that... _

She gasped, her hand reaching up to cover her mouth.

**ooOoo**

What she did not know was that at Hogwarts, at that very moment, another owl had made its way to none other than Albus Dumbledore, who had brought it down to the dungeon.

There was a knock at the door as Severus lifted his head from his hands. The ashes from the fireplace had settled now, all that was left was a tiny ember, which could only flicker slightly thanks to the draft that had come through his chambers.

There was another knock. Severus said nothing in response, merely placing his hand on the door handle and pulling it open.

"Good afternoon Headmaster," he greeted the older man.

"My dear boy, how many times have I asked you to call me Albus?"

"Old habits die hard, I suppose," Severus moved aside to allow Dumbledore admittance.

"Thank you, Severus, but I am not staying long. It seems an owl was misdirected in delivering this letter to me instead of you," Albus dug into his robes and pulled out the parchment sealed with a Ministry stamp. "Ah, here we are."

Severus took the parchment, thanked him, and waited until Albus had disappeared before closing the door again.

He gingerly broke the seal on the envelope and unfolded it.

_Dear Severus Snape,_

_It has come to our attention that, in violation of Statute 378, encompassed within the revised Marriage Act, you have not submitted a date in regards to a nuptial agreement between yourself and Miss Allison McCormack. As you well know by now, those who have not submitted said information are subject to a hearing to explain why this has not occurred. _

_Your hearing is scheduled for December 23__rd__. Please be at the Ministry no later than 10AM. _

_Hoping you are well,_

_Kingsley Shacklebolt,_

_Minister for Magic_

So this gave him a month to think up an infinite number of reasons as to why.

But he had never since submitted himself to the Ministry for questioning, and he was not about to start now. If Allison had received the same sort of notice, he was sure she would have her own explanations.

After all, was it not she who had returned the ring?

Was it not she who had basically told him she had regretted coming back to Hogwarts?

Was it not Allison who had turned her back on him?


	20. Hide and Seek

**sephora85: They most certainly do regret their behaviour, now they're both very confused. Thanks for the review**

**Ashes Falling: There may or may not be a hearing, you'll have to wait and see. I always enjoy your reviews, thank you so much**

**iCraft: It's always nice to see a new reviewer, and thank you very much. Allison is a lot of fun to write.**

**The Queen of Confusion: Thank you.**

**Extra special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2 for beta'ing this pain in the ass chapter. I hope you all enjoy it.**

**ooOoo**

_Where are we? What the hell, is going on? The dust has only just, began to form. Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling. Spin me round again, and rub my eyes, this can't be happening. When busy streets, a mess with people, would stop to hold, their heads, heavy._

_Hide and Seek- Imogen Heap _

**ooOoo**

Why did it hurt so badly? She was supposed to be happy. She hadn't wanted to be with Severus in the first place. She had accepted her fate and tried to make it work, but in the end someone as stubborn as Severus was just too much to handle.

Now she had another damned letter from the Ministry, compelling her to appear for a hearing on the 23rd of December to explain why she had left. What was she supposed to say? "He didn't love me?" Well they wouldn't exactly care. Wasn't that the whole point? "You don't have to love each other, you don't even have to _like_ each other, just get married and have a kid within a year."

Sure, that works _perfectly._

Not when you're seventeen and not ready for any such thing.

She found herself wondering what she would have become had she stayed. Would she still be fighting for him? Would she still be competing with a woman that could do no wrong?

Or would it have been different? Would he have learned to love her?

No, nothing would have changed. She knew she needed to let him go, he had nothing to offer her, and Hogwarts held no prospects.

She was much better off as a Muggle.

**ooOoo**

Severus could not help but be infuriated with the Ministry. It was not enough that he had let Allison slip through his fingers, but to go to a hearing specifically designed to acknowledge the fact?

It was as though they were mocking him, like they had when Harry Potter had defeated Voldemort...

Oh how he _despised_ that boy! Oh no, correction: Harry Potter was no longer a boy, but a man. A man Severus could not stand to look at, but a man nonetheless.

Not that it mattered any longer, he had not seen Potter for years, and he intended to keep it as such. For all he knew Potter could be anywhere in the world, married, with a bunch of little brats with chips on their shoulders as big as his own...

Why the hell did this infuriate him so much?

Perhaps it was because he knew he had thrown away someone who could have been his and not judged him?

Perhaps it was the fact that she was what made life interesting?

Perhaps it was because he knew he was in love with her, and still too stubborn to admit it.

And people wondered what had killed off the dinosaurs, as well as why elephants had fucking flat feet! No one gave a rat's ass about those things in this day and age...

And certainly no one would be paying attention to the fact that he was, once again, alone.

**ooOoo**

Allison paced the floor of the kitchen, pondering her next move. Should she send a note to Severus, asking if he'd gotten the same summons from the Ministry? Should she contact her parents again to ask what the hell she should do about this? Should she go to Neil and ask his advice?

Why did none of this make any sense? She hadn't done anything _wrong,_ she'd just given a ring back, there was nothing spectacular about that...

Of course when people are scrutinizing your every move, it was always something spectacular.

She sat down at the table and put her head down. The calm and the dark was a welcome release from all that was swimming through her head right at that point. There was the hearing to prepare for, she had to tell her parents what had happened, she had to face Severus...

Oh God.

Facing Severus once again, and so soon... she couldn't imagine what they could possibly have to say to each other? "What have you been doing in the month since I've since I've seen you?" didn't make for good reunion conversation.

She'd do it if it were absolutely necessary. She'd speak to Severus again, certainly, but she would still need some time to think over the hearing. What would be the point exactly? Why reiterate the fact that not everyone would be able to live without love? Jane Austen couldn't live with love, nor could she live without it. Why should she, at seventeen she had her entire life ahead of her, conform to someone else's ideals?

Sod it all.

**ooOoo**

She walked down the street in the dead of night. It sounded odd, absolutely, but it was something that had always seemed to calm her down. It was the first raindrop that fell that snapped her out of her stupor, and she walked as the rain steadily turned to hail. Strangely enough, she didn't feel it at all.

It was water... just water. It was really very calming to walk in the rain. In a sense rain was a great cleanser. It allowed you to think... _really_ think about what you were doing and how you were going to get there.

In truth Allison liked the rain for the simple fact that it reminded her of what she'd loved and lost. Noelle... her parents... Neil...

Severus...

Damn it all! Why did everything she look at or think about remind her of Severus?

Why did everything have to be so difficult?

When had it become so _complicated?_

**ooOoo**

Was it painful?

Depends on how you define pain.

Was it foolish?

Who's the more foolish, the fool or the fool that follows him?

Was it painful and foolish to watch and allow Allison McCormack to walk away?

Yes, yes it was, though he would never admit it. He was not the kind of man to admit that his heart was breaking. His heart had shattered when Lily had abandoned him, and he had spent a lifetime trying to make up for what was missing... to beg her forgiveness...

Something he couldn't have.

Enough was enough. Allison McCormack had walked away, that's all there was to it. Damned if he knew what she planned to do next. He had no intention of attending this hearing, it was not necessary. Even if it _were _necessary he still would have told them to go to hell and leave him be.

It was then that his heart in three places for the second time. Usually by this time there'd be a knock at the door, and 75 percent of the time he'd see Allison on the other side, asking some innane question that would no doubt waste his time.

It seemed almost childlike to think that he would actually miss those visits.

Then again, was Allison not still a child? She had been sixteen when the law had forced them together, and had just turned seventeen three weeks after that. It seemed absolutely barbaric to think that, whether she had been his wife or not, he would have been liable of treating Allison like a piece of meat. He may have been a Death Eater, may have killed, may have raped, may have destroyed lives at the hands of a madman, for an ideal that was simply impossible to achieve, but he would not abuse someone who had sacrificed so much on his behalf.

It was impossible, and he saw that now. Voldemort was dead, he was free, but Allison was not there.

He felt his head hit the desk in frustration. Damn it, this was going to take more than an apology and time apart.

This was not supposed to be so complicated... what the hell had happened?

**ooOoo**

It was that afternoon that Allison walked from her tiny flat to the Visitor's Entrance of the Ministry of Magic. Sod the hearing, she was going to go talk to the Minister right then and there. If he didn't want to hear what she had to say, then it didn't matter anymore.

"State your name and business," the voice at the Ministry doors demanded.

"Allison McCormack, I want to talk to Minister Shacklebolt."

A tag bearing the words "Allison McCormack, Meeting," appeared on her shirt. She was granted admittance and proceeded toward the Minister's chambers.

She was close enough to knock when she was stopped.

"You do realize you won't be getting in there today."

"I had no idea. I only have one thing to say to the Minister. It shouldn't take long."

"Still no way, I'm sorry."

It was then that the door opened and the Minister stood there. "Let her in, she's been patient enough to wait until today."

"Yes sir," Allison was let into the Minister's chambers, which were decorated in deep purples and blues. He invited her to sit, and without speaking he could see what she wanted to tell him.

"Shall you do it, or shall I?"

"You don't want an explanation?" she asked, her eyebrow slightly raised.

"You have an explanation to offer?"

"Yes sir," she answered.

"Would it be any different then the ones I've already heard? That he does not love you? That you cannot live without love? That there is no point in living with someone who cannot love you because their heart belongs to someone else?"

"You've heard it before?"

"Almost every day, Miss McCormack." The Minister answered. "I know you are not the only person who is unsatisfied with the law, but the simple truth is that the magical population is dwindling exponentially. This law is needed in order to keep the magical population from dying out."

"But the alternative..."

"The alternative would be for you to surrender your wand..."

She nodded. She had already returned the ring, she had begun to re-establish herself in the Muggle world, what did she have to lose?

She drew her wand from her pocket and laid it on the desk in front of the Minister.

He reached out, examined it in his hands, and snapped it in two.

"You do realize, Miss McCormack, that this means you might never be able to return here?"

She nodded. It was precisely what she wanted. She did not want to return.

"Good luck," he turned away from her, letting her know that she was dismissed.

Allison rose, and let herself out the door.

Walking along the corridor she felt a hand grip her forearm.

"Holy Jesus!" she cried.

"Shh, no need for that," the voice told her. "Relax..."


	21. Almost Lover

**Brown eyed Girl 75: Oh my God, you're here! does happy dance I love it! Thanks for the review**

**CarlyJo: Thanks for the review**

**sephora85: grins...**

**anonymous992: Wait and see, I think you'll find out in this chapter, it's always lovely to see a new reviewer**

**The Queen of Confusion: It's the question everyone wants the answer to! grins Thanks for the review**

**Ashes Falling: At a loss? You? Never! If that's the case then you will ABSOLUTELY enjoy this chapter. Thanks for the review**

**Special thanks to sister luv v.1 for her never ending words of encouragement and late night conversations, and to .the.artful.dodger.v2 for the magnificent beta.**

**ooOoo**

_Goodbye my almost lover, goodbye my hopes and dreams. I'm trying not to think about you, can't you just let me be? So long my luckless romance, my back is turned on you. Should have known you'd bring me heartache, almost lovers always do._

_Almost Lover- A Fine Frenzy_

**ooOoo**

Wait a minute, she recognized that voice, and those fingers on her arm. Those fingers were long, pale, very slender.

She forced herself to tear her gaze from his fingers. If she could look him in the eyes and say she could no longer take what he had to offer her, she knew she could move on.

But as soon as her chocolate eyes met onyx, her shoulders quaked once.

"What? What now?"

The look in his eyes told her he was hurting. She had seen this look before, but there was something else there as well.

"Don't tell me you're here on my account," her head turned to the side.

"Absolutely not," he answered. "I had no intention of coming here today."

"And yet you are. Why?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"My wand's been snapped," she pried his fingers from her arm. "Look, not many people know we were together for as long as we were. Would you object to taking a walk?"

"Where would you suggest we go?"

Allison wrecked her brain for the most sensible option. Where would be safest to talk this over? Certainly not her flat, Neil _still_ insisted on dropping by at odd times of the day, and if he opened the front door to find Severus there with her, things could get ugly very quickly. There was no possible way he would allow her access to his childhood home, and his chambers at the school would only invite an argument. They did not need an argument, they needed to talk.

"Ramsey's," she blurted.

"Come again?"

"It's a little pub down the way from the muggle side of the Leaky Cauldron. It's pretty quiet this time of day. There's a good chance we could get a corner booth."

Severus narrowed his eyes. It was barely ten in the morning, and he doubted that a pub would open before 11:00.

"What?"

"Would a tiny London pub allow you in so early?"

"If you ask nicely they will," she smirked, turning on her heel and walking away. Turning her head over her shoulder, she stopped. "Are you coming or not?"

Severus nodded once and followed her from the Ministry out through the same phone booth that served as the Visitor's Entrance. An awkward silence settled between them as they made the trip back up to the Muggle street.

Once it had stopped, Allison moved to exit the phone booth the same time, effectively trapping them both in their tracks. Attempts to move around each other proved futile until Severus gripped her by the forearms, forced to stay still, and moved ahead of her and out of the phone booth.

"Okay, _now_ that works," she giggled as she stepped out a moment later. "See what we can accomplish when we work together?"

Severus remained stoic. "Are you always this juvenile?"

"Only when I want to piss you off," she answered, gently swatting his arm. "Now, come on, let's get going. It's not that far."

"Unless you count a ride on the Underground and a walk through Diagon Alley."

"You never rode the Underground when you were young?"

"My father was never one for the Underground. We never had enough money for a ticket."

What? Was this an extension of quid pro quo? Had he just allowed her into his mind for a split second? Stunned into silence, her mouth moved but sound failed her.

"Look, if you're uncomfortable with the Underground, we could walk, I have no problem with that. Instead of ten minutes on the Underground it would take about half an hour."

"It does not matter to me what route we take," he snapped.

Allison gave him a defiant look. "What's got your shorts in a twist?"

"Never mind, Miss McCormack," he snapped once again.

Damn it! Just when she was getting him to open up. Why was it whenever he felt that he was giving away too much he closed himself off again? Of course he'd been hurt, so had she. He had trouble trusting people, so did she, but enough was enough.

"My name is Allison, Professor Snape," she countered.

It was his turn to be silent.

They had the option of Apparating, but Severus had no idea where he was going and Allison did not have her license. Plus, in the middle of a crowded Muggle street, someone would bound to notice two people disappear instanteously without a sound.

It was barely 10:30 by the time they arrived at the pub. Allison was right, the place was practically deserted. He waited by the edge of the sidewalk as she moved forward, peered into the window, and rapped loudly on said glass.

She had captured someone's attention because she waved back at them. Not a minute later the door swung open.

"Allison!" the emphasis was strong on her name, pronouncing it "Alli-son". The man standing in the doorway was stout, with dark hair, small eyes and a rolling pin pressed into the front of his apron. Said apron was covered in what Severus could only assume was flour, and perhaps some kind of sauce.

"Dino, it's so good to see you again," she leaned forward and kissed him once on each cheek. Oddly enough, this stirred an emotion in Severus which he had never felt in regards to Allison... perhaps it was jealousy?

"My friend and I need a quiet place to talk for a while," she explained. "Could we have a corner booth, just for a little while? I promise we won't be loud or disturb anybody."

"Paying customers only, _bella,_" the man answered. "I'm sorry."

"If I pay for something and take it to go, could we stay?" she tilted her head and smiled at him.

"Yeah, yeah," Dino gave in and moved aside and allowed her entrance, Severus following close behind. "You know, Allison, you's too pretty for your own good."

"Thanks Dino," she smiled.

"It could get you into a lot of troubles some day."

_I'll choose to ignore that comment_, she kept that thought quiet.

Dino Scagnetti had bought the quaint little pub from its previous owner when Allison had been very young. Since then he had renovated it and turned it into a small Italian eatery, but for some reason or another, he had not changed the name. She had first been introduced to him at the age of eight, when she and her mother had gone out for some "mother-daughter" time. She could still remember what she had ordered for lunch that day, though now it didn't really seem important. She and Severus walked in silence behind Dino as he led them to the corner booth in the far end of the restaurant.

He soon left them alone and returned to his work. Severus could see, just from watching Allison's behaviour, that whatever needed to be said should be said quickly.

"First of all, Severus, please understand that this is extremely difficult for me to do. I need you to understand why I broke the engagement."

"I understand clearly enough. It was too much for you, especially at the age of seventeen."

"It's only half the argument there, Severus," she continued, holding her hands out in front of her. "It was everything that happened while we were engaged and then some."

He sat silently in front of her, as though he were intent on burning a hole through her forehead.

"I put you in danger," she crossed her arms on the table. "When Hermione and I were held in her apartment, they kept insisting that she had information, and if she wanted to live, she'd give it up. I threw myself over her and gave them a bullshit memory just to save her."

"Giving them a bullshit memory, as you put it, might have been the smartest thing you have ever done," he answered.

"It's not as though I'm proud of it," she snapped. Realizing her tone, she cleared her throat and stared at her hands.

"Relax," he whispered.

"How many times have you said that one word in the past hour?" she smiled.

"Come now, what's the real reason we're sitting here?"

"I need you to understand, Severus, that when I broke the engagement, it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but it was the only way that we were ever going to move forward."

He arched a quizzical eyebrow.

"I was competing with a ghost, Severus," she explained, a lone tear slipping down her cheek. "I am still competing with a ghost."

"How can that be?"

"No matter what I did, I could never measure up to Lily. No matter where we went, Lily had been there before. When you gave me the ring, I could practically feel her over your shoulder. Where would it end, Severus?"

"I don't believe it would have," he admitted, a burning sensation in his chest.

"My point exactly," she tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "I know you loved her, Severus, and it was going to take time for you to learn to love me, considering we were thrown together, but by the end enough was enough."

He nodded once.

"As long as Lily is there with you, Severus, I can't be," she told him, her eyes beginning to well with tears. Standing up, she moved to leave when suddenly she felt a tug on her wrist, bringing her back.

Looking down, she saw Severus' fingers wrapped around her tiny wrist.

"Allison, please..." he whispered to her.

It was the first she had ever heard him utter the word 'please'. Frozen in her tracks, she watched as he rose, gently pulled himself toward her, and wrapped his arms around her. He placed a soft kiss on the top of her head, his arm draped across her front.

She closed her eyes and gripped his arm in support. Finally, it was there. Finally, he was learning to let go.

Finally, the tears came.


	22. Innocent

**jada951: Of course it's nothing like that, they are far too mature to fall all over each other like that. Thanks for the review**

**Brown eyed Girl 75: Way out of your genre, indeed, but I'm so glad you enjoy this story so much. Thanks for the review**

**siriusblack992: Thank you**

**sephora85: You'll have to wait and see, won't you? Thanks for the review**

**The Queen of Confusion: Thank you, here you go.**

**Rin07: I won't keep you waiting any longer. Thanks for the review**

**Ashes Falling: HA HA HA, the phone booth. It's never happened to me, but you know when you can just picture something happening to your characters and you have to write it into a chapter? That's what happened there. Thanks for the review**

**BaileyElaine19: It's always so wonderful to see a new reviewer. I'm glad you love it so much, and thank you for the review.**

**A/N: I am so sorry for taking so long to update this story. I have been so busy with exams and work (need that extra money to pay for university), and it took a while to make my muse stop being stubborn, but now here it is. I hope you enjoy, because now I am back.**

**Extra special thanks to Brown eyed Girl 75 for looking over this for me. Thank you so much, love.**

**This chapter has now been beta'd. Special thanks to the.artful.dodger.v2.**

**ooOoo**

_I remember feeling low, and I remember losing hope, and I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped. _

_Innocent- Our Lady Peace_

**ooOoo**

Once the tears had stopped, Allison lifted her head to stare him in the eyes. They seemed softer now, more receptive.

"Are you planning to let me go anytime soon?" she smirked.

He brought his hand underneath her chin and steadied her head. "It was a mistake on my part to let you go in the first place."

"Hey!" she heard Dino call to her. "Allison, what you want me to make?"

"I don't know, surprise me!" she shouted back.

"You two finished hugging yet?" he called just as the phone rang. "Ramsey Restaurant, what you want?"

"Dino!" she cried, indignant.

"What? Is how I talk to everybody, you know that..." he called to her. "Uh huh... okay. Yeah, we ready for you in two hours. Okay, bye bye." he hung up the phone and turned to the two of them standing side by side. "You two, your hugging is bad for business. Out you go now!"

"What about..."

"No, no, is okay. You two get out of here, is bad for business."

"Bad for business?" she laughed. "Come on, Dino, I've seen so many people kissing over linguine in here it makes me sick!"

"Yeah, well, I very busy so you two go out!"

"Alright, alright!" It seemed so odd to her that Severus had been quiet throughout this entire exchange. She had not known him to be a quiet man. Reserved, sure, fiercely protective of himself, yes, but never silent during an argument.

The two of them walked outside, Allison shaking her head and wondering what the hell had gone wrong in there.

"I don't get it! Dino used to love when I came by. Now all he wants is for me to leave as soon as I step foot in the door."

"Is there a history between yourself and Dino?" Severus asked.

"Not like there was with you and Lily," she answered. "Dino was never that important to me."

Severus raised an eyebrow.

"I mean, he _was_ important to me, but in an entirely different way."

"Did he ever make any inappropriate advances toward you?"

"Dino? No, of course not." Allison could hardly believe what she was hearing. "Severus, what would make you think such a thing?"

He was silent.

"Oh my God..." she whispered. "You think I had sex with Dino, don't you?"

"What?"

"You do! You think I had sex with Dino Scagnetti!" she could barely contain herself. "He's old enough to be my grandfather!"

"I insinuated no such thing," Severus answered. "I know you are uncomfortable with the entire subject. I know what happened to you concerning Rabastan Lestrange, how could you think I would be so inconsiderate?"

"On second thought, why are we talking about this in the street?" she countered. "This is not something one usually discusses in public."

"I have no idea. You're the one who brought it up," Severus answered. "I would suggest, Allison, that you and I go our separate ways, and perhaps we shall see each other again."

"Perhaps we shall," she agreed. "Good luck..."

She gave him a smile, and walked away. Turning around, she saw that he was nowhere to be seen.

"Funny," she said to herself. "I didn't even hear him Apparate."

**ooOoo**

She arrived home to find her front door unlocked and the hallway lights on. That was strange... when she'd left that morning she'd been sure to lock up and turn off the lights, and then she'd placed the spare key back in its hiding place...

The spare key!

She hurriedly opened the mailbox and rummaged underneath the plastic bags she kept there, only to find that...

It was still there.

But that didn't make any sense. If the spare key was still where it was supposed to be there wouldn't be any problem.

Cautiously she opened the door and crept on her tiptoes toward her kitchen, where she saw none other than Neil Lansdell sitting at the table, a beer bottle clutched in his hand.

"What the hell?" she shouted, waking him from his stupor.

"Huh?"

Oh so eloquent, aren't we?

"What the hell are you doing here?" she shouted again, grabbing his collar and yanking him out of his chair. "I brought you here to sober you up, and yet still you're here!"

"Jesus Christ, do you need to shout?" he mumbled.

"Yes, yes I do, because I'm fucking sick of you getting piss drunk in my house and then falling on your face for the night. I want you out!"

"Allie, where am I gonna go?" he slurred as she marched him toward the door.

"I don't know, and right now I don't fucking care!" she shouted, opening said door and very nearly succeeding. "You're nothing but a good for nothing drunk!"

"At least I would admit if I'd become a whore!" he shouted back. "I saw you with that greasy, pale pimp you spend your time with!"

"Pardon me? Pimp?" she snorted in disgust. "Severus Snape is _not_ a pimp! He was my fiancé you dumb prick! If I hear another word against him you'll wish you never met me!"

"Is that so?" He swung his arm and backhanded her across the face. Stunned, she fell backward and hit the floor with little time to brace herself.

"I'll teach you to speak to me that way, you punk ass bitch!" She could feel his weight on top of her and his hands tearing at her shirt.

"Neil, get off of me!" she cried, bringing her knee up and aiming as sharply as she could, hitting him between the legs.

"Fucking shit!" he howled, rolling over off of her and lying helpless on the floor. "Fuck, did you need to do that?"

"You tried to rape me!" she screamed. "Get out of here before I make you sorry you ever came near me!"

Stumbling, he picked himself up and nearly fell over himself as he made his way down the driveway.

Turning around, she shut her front door and made her way toward the bathroom. Flipping the light on, she gently pushed her fingertips into the flesh around her eye.

Shit! It was so painful she was nearly certain the eye socket was broken. However, she was still able to open her eye, and if the socket had collapsed she wouldn't have been able to see what she was doing.

No, her eye socket was still intact, but her cheek was in really bad shape. The bastard had more than likely broken her cheekbone; it was throbbing.

Grimacing, she shook her head and picked up her phone.

Wait a minute, why would Severus have a phone? He never stayed at Spinner's End for very long, and Hogwarts had no sense of technology; they did not have computers or any concept of what a telephone was. They still wrote letters to whomever they needed to speak to using quills and parchment. How the hell could she get a letter to him without magic?

Well, she had nothing to lose anymore. All she could hope for would be for Dumbledore to send Dippy the House Elf to sort through the post and find the letter scribbled in her handwriting.

Scribbling a hurried note, she gingerly covered her eyes with an old pair of sunglasses and dropped the envelope into the post box.

**ooOoo**

When Allison awoke the next morning, she made her way back into the bathroom and inspected her eye once again. The pain seemed all the more prominent. Sure, she had treated the area with hot and cold compresses, but still, unless she went to the hospital there was no way to treat a cheekbone so fragile.

There was a knock at the door, and she groaned. God damn it, did they have to knock so loudly? Dragging herself out of bed, she went down the stairs and opened the door to find Severus standing outside, dressed in a black tunic and dress pants.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot I sent you a note..." she mumbled, moving out of the way and allowing him entrance.

"You said you needed assistance, yet you told me not to come right away..."

"Yeah, I wanted to assess how bad the damage was."

"Damage?"

She removed the icepack from her eye to reveal a blackened and bruised left eye and cheek.

"Oh Merlin..." he breathed, gently gripping her shoulder and guiding her toward the living room.

As she lay down on the couch he brought her another hot compress.

"Here, put that on your eye..." he whispered, getting to his knees and very gently pressing two fingers to her cheek. "Your cheekbone isn't broken, it's just cracked. I could heal it myself unless you wish to be taken to the hospital."

"No, no, I'd rather you did so. I don't really want this getting out..."

"Who are you trying to protect?"

"No one, I just don't want this getting out. He'll get his own soon enough..." she answered.

"Alright, come here..." he pointed his wand to her cheek, and less than three seconds later she felt a warm sensation.

"How do men always know exactly where to hit, so that no matter what way you turn your head you're in pain?" she asked as he inspected the bone once again.

"Not all men hit, Allison," Severus answered, replacing the compress on her eye. "And those who believe its right to do so can't even call themselves men."

She gave him a small smile.

"There's not much I can do for that bruise. Just replace the cold and hot compresses and allow it to heal on its own."

Allison nodded, and let herself relax on the couch before Severus turned to walk back out the door.

"I'll be back to check on you again tomorrow, with your permission of course."

"Yes of course," she answered.

Nodding once, she moved to turn over when she suddenly sat up.

"Severus?" she stopped him.

He looked at her.

"Thank you."

He nodded at her once again.

"Always, Allison."

And with that, he opened the front door and disappeared.


	23. Citizen Soldiers

**His Half Blood Princess: Thank you so much. I just had to use the line because Pretty Woman is one of my favourite movies. Richard Gere is one of those actors that when you take one look at him you need to be careful not to drool and ruin your keyboard. Don't you agree?**

**siriusblack992: Thank you**

**Queen of Forums: I must thank you too, it's wonderful to see a new reviewer**

**sephora85: If by soon you mean two months from the last update, then yes, it is soon and time for an update. Thank you**

**GothicSoul15: How'd you know Neil was that stupid? Addicted hmm? Well at least fanfic is a HEALTHY addiction (if there was ever an oxymoron, that's it!) Thank you for the review**

**Cantata: Thank you very much. I find it difficult sometimes to keep Severus in character, but I have an excellent beta who is so patient and lets me know what needs to change. It's always nice to see a new reviewer, thank you.**

**dnd4ever: The wait is now over! Thank you for the review**

**The Queen of Confusion: Oh yeah, initially Neil wasn't like that, but circumstances beyond my control (think evil muse-like creature) told me that that was what needed to happen to move the story forward, and Neil is getting more than he bargained for. Thank you for the review**

**A/N: I must apologize PROFUSELY for not updating this story in almost two months. I was so busy with work and getting ready for university that this got pushed to the side. Plus the muse ran away and didn't want to write any Harry Potter for a while, until now. I thank you for being so patient, and I hope you enjoy this new chapter**

**Extra special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2 for the beta job on this chapter**

**ooOoo**

_Hope and pray, that you'll never need me but rest assured I will not let you down. I'll walk beside you but you may not see me. The strongest among you may not wear a crown. _

_Citizen Soldiers- Three Days Grace_

**ooOoo**

Allison lay on the couch for the remainder of the afternoon, and into the next morning, unable to move for the pain. Each time she tried to move it was too difficult.

Severus had shown up at her door simply because she had asked him to do so. She didn't know very many people who would do that very same thing. He had treated her with respect, as though nothing had happened between them. He had healed her cheek and promised to check up on her the next day.

What man would do something like that for someone who had broken his heart?

Or could it be that she was the one whose heart was broken?

It had not been until she had given him the ring again and said that she had made a mistake in coming back to Hogwarts that she had indeed made a mistake, but the mistake was not in her coming back to Hogwarts...

The mistake was in giving the ring back.

She had just set the chairs from the table right when there was a knock on the door. Getting up, she pulled the door open, and who should be standing there but Severus Snape.

"Oh, good morning," she attempted to smile, but found it too difficult.

"Good morning," he returned, stepping inside. Gently grabbing hold of her chin, he turned her head to one side, and then the other.

"The cheek looks like it is healing, and the eye is still the same."

"I hadn't noticed," she gazed down toward the floor.

"Look up, Allison. You deserve to keep your head held high."

"Apparently you don't follow your own advice," she quipped, turning and walking into the kitchen. "Can I get you anything? Tea? Coffee? Orange Juice?"

"Tea will suffice, Allison, thank you."

She nodded, and poured him a mug before leaning against the counter.

"Are you going to sit?"

"Nope, I don't think so," she answered. "If I can stand and drink a mug of tea with someone I've just really seen for the first time, I know I can survive anything."

"You've survived much more than just being able to look at me, Allison," he told her.

"I know," she sipped her tea, "but that isn't the point. What I meant is that... I'm looking at you, and I see you for the first time."

He remained stoic.

"You have a good heart, Severus," Allison placed her tea mug down on the counter. "I didn't realize how much you cared. After the way I treated you, I can't see how you could do it."

He made no answer. Instead, he chose to throw his teabag into the trash, merely for something to do. The silence had made him uncomfortable, she noticed. Moving toward the counter, he laid a hand on the surface.

"Sit…" he told me.

"Woof," she answered, imitating a dog.

"Your comical talents never cease to amaze me, Allison," he commented dryly. "I want to check that eye once more before I go, just to make sure there isn't more extensive damage."

I nodded and pushed myself up on to the counter, sitting with my hands in my lap and swinging my legs back and forth. As soon as his pale, long fingers gently pushed into the flesh, I heard the front door open.

"Allison?"

Instinctively, I turned away from Severus and cleared my throat.

"Allison, where are you?"

"Neil…" I whispered to Severus, jumping down from the counter and suddenly coming face to face with Neil, a face I'd hoped never to see again.

His eyes were still heavy with sleep and the effects of too much alcohol. He still stank of beer, wearing the same clothes from the night before.

"What do you want, Neil?" I asked, not daring to move any closer. He was by the kitchen door, I was standing behind the sink. That was close enough for me.

"I wanted to apologize."

"I don't want to hear it, Neil. Get out…"

"Allison," he took another step toward me. I retreated further toward the kitchen table, trying my best to stay clear away from him. I wasn't afraid of him, of course not, I was just… alright, I'll admit it, I was a little frightened.

"I believe the lady asked you to leave, Mr. Lansdell…" Severus stepped in between the two of us, almost as though he were shielding me.

"Who asked you, pervert?"

That's the best Neil could come up with? For shame.

Severus wasn't even phased. "I am over a foot taller than you, Mr. Lansdell, and over twice your age. Are you foolish enough to say that again?"

"I should've known…" he mockingly shook his head. "It's no wonder you're sticking up for her. Considering you've probably been porking her for years she's making' you fighting all her battles, ain't she?"

"I believe she left you a little worse for wear, Mr. Lansdell. As she so vividly recalled to me yesterday morning, after you tried to rape her, I believe the term 'sacking' is appropriate here?"

She could hardly believe Severus had that sort of wit in him.

"You bitch!" he screamed at her, pushing past Severus and almost reaching her before Severus grabbed on to the scruff of Neil's neck. Swinging him so that he was no longer a threat to Allison, Severus unsheathed his wand from his robes. grabbed Neil under the arms and threw him.

But that wasn't what astounded her most.

When Severus had finished there was a giant hole in the wall, and a gasping, groaning Neil Lansdell lying on the garage floor.

Severus climbed through the wall and positioned his forearm so that it lay across Neil Lansdell's neck.

"If you come near her again, Mr. Lansdell, I will personally make sure that you never father children," he hissed. "In fact, I shall make it my personal duty to hunt… you… down… " he put particular emphasis on those three words "and no one shall ever speak of you again. Do I make myself clear?"

She saw Neil's head bobbing wildly, his eyes as large as dinner plates.

Severus released him and watched as Neil picked himself up and ran as fast as he could away from her flat. He climbed through the hole in the garage again and set to work fixing it up.

Almost in awe, Allison put a hand on his shoulder and made him turn around.

"Severus, I…"

He put a finger to her lips to stop her talking.

"No thanks needed, Allison."


	24. Forever

**g: There are very few people who would not do something if another person was in danger, that's just common sense, and the decent thing to do. Thank you for the review**

**siriusblack992: Thank you**

**Ashes Falling: Welcome back! You were missed! Really? Wow. I'm not even sure how to respond to that, thank you for taking the time to share that with me. Take as long as you need, whenever you can update is alright with me. Thank you for the review**

**sephora85: I didn't notice that until after I posted it, but now that I look back, I think it fits. Thank you for pointing that out, Ashes did too. Thank you for the review**

**Extra special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2 for the wonderful beta!**

**ooOoo**

_I wanted you to be, everything to me. Now I've got to learn to carry on. But I know I cannot hide, this emptiness inside, but nothing is the same since you've gone. _

_Forever- Vertical Horizon_

**ooOoo**

After Neil had left and Allison had cleaned up the kitchen, with Severus patching up the wall, she slid down the side of the sink and sat on the floor, almost unable to move.

"Allison?" Severus cleared up the last of the rubble from the wall and sat down beside her. "Are you alright?"

She shook her head, her lips pressed tightly together. How could she tell him that no one would have done the same thing? Even when she'd left him and given him back the ring, he still came to her rescue. What kind of man does that for someone they don't care about?

"I can't believe it," she whispered, more to herself then anyone else. "What would make him do something like this? He used to be so… sweet and charming."

"I would hazard a guess at alcohol," Severus answered. "Though that is certainly no excuse," he didn't dare touch her, lest she pull away in fright. "Allison, it is not worth thinking about."

"I know," she took a deep breath in order to calm her nerves. "But I spent over half my life with him…"

"How is that possible? You have just turned seventeen."

"Neil and I were partnered together when we were… seven and nine I believe. Yeah, that's right. I left for Hogwarts four years later," she answered. "I broke his heart, and yet he still wanted to be my partner… Severus, he called an ambulance when I lost my baby…"

"Any other person would have done the same thing…" he answered. "People, Muggles included, are not such that they will not rush to someone's aid if they are in trouble."

She shook her head even more vigorously, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "No Severus, you don't understand…"

"Perhaps you'd care to educate me," he gently took her hand. "What is it that I don't understand?"

She breathed in harshly to try to control herself. With her other hand, she wiped at the tears that stung her eyes. "I shouldn't be crying…"

"I'd be surprised if you weren't upset by what just happened," he answered. "I'm not going to turn away in disgust, Allison. What do I not understand?"

"He thinks…" she coughed. "He thinks he deserves me after all he's done for me…"

"It would take a certain kind of young man to deserve you, Allison," Severus answered, placing a light kiss on her hand. "And Neil Lansdell is not that kind of man."

That light touch sent a bolt of electricity through her arm.

"You deserve someone whole, someone who can give you what you need."

Allison hung her head slightly. "I wanted that someone to be you…" she confessed.

For the first time in as long as he could remember he was at a loss for words.

"Why did you rescue me?" her shoulders shook. "After the way I…"

"Allison…" he whispered. "I rescued you because I could."

If that wasn't vague she didn't know what was. Because he could? What did that mean?

"I was not able to save Lily," he explained, knowing full well that to mention Lily would hurt her. "And I carried that with me for years, I still do…" she reached for him and put an arm around his shoulder. "But I had the chance to save you…"

"And you did," she answered. "You saved me, Severus, when no one else would have," the tears were now flowing steadily. "You stepped in front of me, Severus, and you protected me."

He could not bring himself to speak.

"I made a mistake…" she continued. "I made a mistake in giving up on you, Severus."

She placed a hand on his cheek and turned his head so that he looked at her. Giving him a slight smile, she pressed her lips to his, parting less than thirty seconds later.

"Allison," he wiped the tears from her cheek.

"I know, that was wrong," she turned away quickly, her cheeks steadily burning.

"No, listen to me," his voice was soft, soothing in a way she hadn't heard from him before. "You have nothing to be ashamed of."

It was then that the wall that warded her heart broke. Floods of tears and emotion which she had kept locked away for so long came out into the open. Images of her sister and herself taking turns on a swing, an ultrasound photo of her son pinned to the cork board above her bed, the sound of her skates on fresh ice, were all flooding back. These mixed with memories of the hostage situation in Hermione's apartment, her early labour, the fact that she'd had to fish her stillborn baby out of the toilet bowl, and cradled him as though he were alive, plus the rape itself, Noelle's death, her parent's rejection… it was all too much. Grabbing a hold of his shirt, she clung to him, unable to let go.

He said nothing as she cried. Instead, it was all he could do to hold her, whispering words of comfort.

"Oh God, I'm sorry," she muttered against his chest.

He lifted her chin and looked her in the eyes, his own reflecting compassion.

"Why don't you love me?" as soon as the words left her mouth she realized how childish they sounded.

"I care for you immensely, Allison," he answered. "You are a beautiful, kind, young woman…"

"But you don't _love _me."

For fear of sounding tactless, he stood up and offered her a hand. After a few moments she accepted it, and they walked into the bathroom together. As he turned on the water and wet a washcloth, he dabbed it lightly over her cheeks and eyes, directing her in careful tones as she struggled to calm herself.

"That's it, here…" he handed her a dry facecloth and helped her toward the bedroom. Laying her down and pulling the blanket over her, he turned around only to find her hand gripping his wrist.

"Stay with me…" she begged him. "Please Severus, don't leave me here alone…"

"Allison, you'll be perfectly fine."

"No, no, please…" she was pleading now. "Severus, I'm so scared he'll come back, I don't want to be here alone."

There was genuine fear in her eyes. Nodding, he conjured a chair and pulled it up next to the bed. Sitting down, she reached out her hand for any sort of contact. This was perhaps the first time he had ever seen her so scared, so vulnerable. He gripped her hand, trailing his fingers over the back of hers to soothe her.

"It's alright, Allison," he whispered.

"Stay with me?"

"Yes, I'll stay with you," he assured her. "I'm not going to leave you."

He'd laid her down on the bed as a means for her to relax. It was barely one in the afternoon, and she was already physically exhausted. Anyone who'd suffered such an emotional event needed time to recuperate, Allison was no exception.

She lay facing him, her eyes half closed, her breathing a little more steady as she refused to let go of his hand.

"I had an orgasm," she whispered to him groggily.

Taken aback, he could think of nothing else but to ask her to repeat herself.

"When…" she breathed deeply again. "When Rabastan Lestrange… that's his name, isn't it?"

Severus nodded.

"When he raped me, I had an orgasm," she told him. "He… he screamed in delight when I did, because he… he came in me right afterward."

Why was she telling him this now?

"That's why I'm so scared of sex, Severus. I can't bare to go through that again."

"You had what's called an involuntary orgasm, Allison," Severus explained. "The most important thing to remember is that rape is not about sex. It is about power and domination and violence."

"You never did anything like that, did you?"

Severus now had to steady his own breathing. "I am ashamed to admit such a thing, but yes, I did." He waited for her response, for her to recoil from him in disgust, but she did not. "You must remember that I was a Death Eater once as well."

"I thought you were only a Death Eater under Professor Dumbledore's orders."

"This was long before the Prophecy," he explained. "Before I lost Lily, or rather, the fantasy that I had of her, I was a Death Eater who did the same things that Rabastan Lestrange does now. I killed, I raped, I pillaged… it is not something I am proud of."

"Is this why they forced us together?"

"No," Severus answered. "I think it is utterly cruel to think of it in that way. I believe you are one of the greatest young women I've ever met," there was no mistaking the sincerity in his comment. "I do not know why the Ministry of Magic put us together, but it cannot affect us now."

"But it has," she gripped his hand tightly. "I do not belong in the wizarding world any longer. My wand has been snapped. You did not want to be with me in the first place, nor do you want to be now."

"I want to protect you, Allison."

"I don't need protection, Severus, I need an apology."

"Apology?"

"Forgiveness, rather…" she pushed herself up and rested herself on her elbow. "I'm so sorry for the way I treated you, Severus. You deserve so much better."

"Allison…"

"That's all I need to hear, please Severus," she was pleading with him again. "That's all I need to hear. Just three words…"

These three words came easily.

"I forgive you…" he assured her once again, leaning forward and placing a kiss on her forehead.


	25. In This Life

**CarlyJo: Welcome back! Neil is an absolute pain in the ass, and I'm glad you understood his purpose (you're not supposed to like him). Thank you for the review**

**siriusblack992: Thank you.**

**Ashes Falling: It is an awful thing, no matter how you look at it. However, Allison is healing, and Severus is there for her in more ways than one in this chapter. The PM and alerts thing was happening for everyone, so I understand, no worries.**

**Special thanks to .the.artful.dodger.v2 for the beta.**

**A/N: This chapter contains a love scene. **

**ooOoo**

_I'll give you all the things that I never get, give you all I have and have no regrets, take you to the places where I've never been. Forgive you all the things that you can't forgive, take away the pain with my healing hand. Wash away your sins and set your spirit free._

_In This Life- Chantal Kreviazuk_

**ooOoo**

With those words hanging in the air, Allison's eyes closed, if only for a few hours. As Severus had promised, he did not let go of her hand. If that was what kept her feeling safe, then that was what he intended to do.

Upon opening her eyes, she still saw him sitting in that same chair. He was still watching over her, she noticed. He had not moved.

"Severus?" she mumbled.

"Yes, Allison?"

"Thank you…"

He gently ran a hand over her hair. Just having this sort of contact with him reminded her of what she'd given up. Now more than ever she was starting to realize just how much she cared for him. Indeed, she still loved him.

"Could I ask you something?" she let go of his hand and forced herself to sit up. Her eye still felt as bruised as before, but somewhere she'd read that sleep let the skin heal faster.

He nodded.

"And if I were to ask you a favour, one that seems a little… unorthodox, but…"

"Allison, just ask the question."

She turned over on to her side, facing him, her head resting against her hand.

"Make love to me?" she asked.

He blinked once. Why would that be such an unorthodox proposition?

_Because she's just seventeen! _A voice inside his head argued. _How could you take advantage of someone who's just come of age!_

_She asked if I would make love to her! _He answered himself. _That does not mean I would do so. I refuse to take advantage of someone so young!_

_But look at her,_ the 'devil on his shoulder' was poking him. _She's beautiful… take her, go on…_

_Not when she is in such a state._

_She asked you! You are not taking advantage if she is the one who asks you!_

_It does not seem right._

_No one said you had to do it!_

"Severus?" her voice interrupted his thoughts.

He turned to look at her again. She held out her hand for him, waiting for his answer.

Silently, he climbed up onto the bed beside her, and laid down. It should be at her own pace, he decided. If this was what she wanted, he would not push her. If she told him to stop, he would do so.

Why did he sound so apprehensive? This was not something new. Sex was not foreign to him, why would he think this way?

Perhaps it was because Allison had never experienced pleasure when it came to sex. All she had known was violence.

She turned toward him and pressed her lips to his. He could feel her shaking, unsure of what she was doing.

"If you're uncomfortable…"

"No, no," she insisted, kissing him again. "I'm just not sure what to do."

He reached up and laid a hand on my cheek. "Allison, I am not going to force you."

"You're not forcing me, Severus," she insisted. "I asked…"

He let out a long sigh, and turned away from her. Settling into the mattress again, he did not look at her. Several minutes later, he felt the mattress shift, and suddenly Allison was not lying beside him. Turning over, he saw her standing at the window, the sunlight illuminating her silhouette.

Getting up, he approached her slowly and gently ran his hands down her arms.

She jumped slightly, surprised at the sudden contact. His hands were warm, she mused. Warm and gentle, and calming actually. She felt him bend and place a soft kiss to her collarbone.

"Severus…"

"Yes?" he kissed her again, this time near the hollow where her neck and collarbone meet.

"Is this what it's supposed to feel like?"

"How?"

"Safe…" she whispered. "I feel safe."

"Yes…" he answered. "There is no right way to feel, but if you are uncomfortable, it is your right to say stop."

Her body began to relax under his touch, she noticed. It seemed as though she were on fire, but still she shivered.

She turned in his arms. Placing a finger to his lips, she kissed him again, this time with a bit more force. Pulling away, he stared at her for a moment or so before reaching up and undoing the first button on her blouse.

There was a sharp inhale of breath.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No, keep going," she insisted again. His fingers worked the rest of the buttons on her shirt, sliding the material off her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. She stood waiting for his next move.

She moaned as he gently cupped her breast, still encased in satin. With one hand still holding her steady he teased her nipple with the other. His head resting on her shoulder, he reached down and pulled the zipper on the front of her pants down. The snap soon followed. Very gently, he slid her pants down over her hips until they too, reached the floor. It was only then that he could feel her arm reach around and rest on the back of his neck.

Turning, she brought her lips to his, reaching down to undo his belt. The pull she exhibited on the leather forced him forward, nearly crushing his lips to hers. Her hand moved to the waist of his pants, working her fingers until the material slid to the floor. Attempting to step out of them, he tripped and sent the two of them crashing backward into the corner of the room.

Hearing her laugh, he no longer saw apprehension in her eyes, but rather growing confidence in what she was doing. He reached down and lifted her; it did not take an obscene amount of effort to carry her to the bed.

Her satin bra joined the trail of clothing that they had left in their wake, and her panties soon followed. She laid naked before him, her chest heaving in anticipation. Her right arm raised over her head, her left lying across her stomach. Her eyes closed in ecstasy; he chose that moment to rid himself of his boxers and slowly run his hands down her arms, feeling her skin warming under his touch.

"Allison, you're absolutely beautiful," he breathed, placing a tentative kiss just above her bellybutton.

"You think so, Severus?" he heard her breath catch in her throat.

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't," he pulled himself up and kissed her. "Tell me if you feel any pain. I don't want to hurt you…"

"This feels wonderful," she cut him off.

Nodding and giving her a small smile, he trailed kisses down her body toward her sex. Pressing two fingers to the inside of her thigh, he felt her body jerk.

"Holy God…" she nearly jumped.

"It's okay," he soothed, whispering a spell she wasn't familiar with.

"What's that?"

"Contraceptive spell," he answered. "We don't need a pregnancy added to this situation."

She nodded, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair. "I love you, Severus…"

He kissed her again, reaching down and inserting two fingers, stretching her. She was wet, her moisture bathed his fingers. A sharp intake of breath told him she was unsure.

"You're alright, Allison, I'm just taking a few moments to prepare you," he explained. "Remember how I said this isn't supposed to be painful?"

"Yes, I remember…" she was tensing up, he could hear it in her voice.

"Just relax…" he whispered, working his fingers to hear her sigh. "Tonight is about you, Allison. You're safe…"

She released the breath she'd been holding, and relaxed thanks to his voice.

His thumb and forefinger trace circles around her nipple, lavishing it with attention. The bud hardened to his touch. Her hips thrust forward again, her eyes rolled back as the coil in her belly tightened, the heat increased with each touch.

"I can feel it happening…" she managed.

Slowly, he entered her, careful not to harm her. With each thrust she moaned, her body adjusting to him. He could hear her ragged breathing, her hands moved up around his neck, pulling him forward. He buried himself deep within her, moving back and forth, stretching her further. Her legs opened further and wrapped around his hips.

"Oh God, Severus!" It was then that he heard her climax. Her moans, this time, made him lose control, and caused his own climax, spilling his seed into her.

Spent, he laid his head upon her chest.

"Thank you…" he heard her meek voice.

He placed a kiss to her forehead. "Whatever for?"

"For loving me…" she answered as she drifted off to sleep.

Soon, he joined her in sleep, only to feel her steady heartbeat beneath his own.

It was a good night.


	26. This is a Song for the Lonely

**g: Oh be nice, she's learning :). Thanks for the review**

**Carly: In a way, yes, but it's still incredibly difficult. He'll get there eventually. Thank you for the review**

**makaem: Truthfully, I'm still working that out, it's a pretty delicate situation. I'm so glad you're enjoying this story, and it's wonderful to see a new reviewer**

**dnd4ever: It all depends on what they tell me. If she wants to go back, she'll tell me (that makes sense, doesn't it?)**

**Rose of the West: Thank you**

**rejazzz: Yay, you're here! Thank you**

**Shiva'sGirl: Here it is, then! Enjoy :)**

**Ashes Falling: You have NO idea how nervous I was putting it in that chapter, and your comments never fail to boost my confidence. I'm so glad it worked for you. Here is the next chapter for you :)**

**BaileyElaine19: He had to learn that too. It's taken him this long to know that he could do something like that. Thank you for the review**

**A/N: I am OVERWHELMED with the response to the previous chapter. I was very nervous about it, and I'd like to thank everyone for being so gracious. This chapter is currently unbeta'd, so any mistakes are mine.  
**

**ooOoo**

_Love don't need a reason. She can pick you up, or leave you bleeding. I've seen a strong man cry, I know the reason why, we all forgive, we all forget, we just keep believing. This is a song, for the lonely, can you hear me tonight? For the broken hearted, battle scared, I'll be by your side. This is a song, for the lonely, where your dreams won't come true, can you hear this prayer, cause someone's there for you._

_(This is a) Song for the Lonely- Cher_

**ooOoo**

Allison awoke several hours later to find herself entangled in Severus' arms. It seemed as though she'd slept quietly, something that hadn't happened in years. Severus had made her realize that she could experience love, that she needn't be scared of getting close to someone.

But, she knew that, in a way, Severus was letting go as well. He had loved Lily for so many years, and to give himself over to her simply because she'd asked him for his love; it was a tremendous step for both of them.

She slipped out from his arms, pulled on her bathrobe, and headed toward the bathroom, if only to wash her face and wake herself up. Returning, she noticed that he was still deeply asleep, but had turned over so that he no longer faced the side of the bed that she had previously occupied.

Back beneath the covers, she noticed the scars almost cris-crossing on his back. They were not fresh, that much was certain, but they still looked painful. It was common knowledge that Voldemort tortured his Death Eaters if they were to fail in any assignment he gave them, and sometimes for his own enjoyment. Reaching out her head, her fingertips traced each scar, just lightly… she was not even sure if he could feel it.

"Good God, Severus," she whispered to herself. "What did you do to deserve these?"

Stirring, he mumbled "I got in his way," before settling himself again.

"Whose way?" she prodded, feeling as though she already knew the answer.

But he did not respond. He lay there still, his chest gently heaving up and down, as though he were dreaming. He looked ghostly pale compared to the sheets on which they slept, as though he were dying.

Allison turned on her back and stared at the ceiling. It didn't seem as foreboding as before, but her thoughts kept her awake. What had he meant, I got in his way? And how could he sleep so soundly after a statement such as that?

"Severus?" she whispered.

Again, he did not stir.

"Severus, come on, wake up…" she poked him in the arm.

Groaning, he turned over to face her, sleep still clouding his vision.

"What is it?"

"What did you mean, you got in his way?"

He groaned again and laid back on his pillow. "It's too late to be talking about this…"

"It is not late, it's only six o'clock, if that at all."

"Precisely…"

"Why can't you tell me?"

"Because you know the answer, Allison. All of the wizarding world knows the answer!"

"I may know, but I want to hear it from you," she pleaded.

Sighing, Severus shook his head, got up and made his way to the washroom. He emerged a few moments later, a grim look on his face. He had dressed in the washroom, and he had been gone for less than five minutes.

"Are you leaving?" she sat up, the sheet draped across her chest.

"I must…" he answered.

"What did I say?"

"It is not you, Allison, it is I," he told her. With those words he started toward the door.

"Severus, what are you doing?"

"I need some time to think," and within a moment he had disappeared, leaving Allison alone in the house once again.

Her body began to shake as she turned over, pulled the blanket over herself again, and the tears started to flow. It was not enough; she would never be enough, yet she could not give up on him. It seemed stupid to try and convince him that he was worthy of love.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to no one in particular. "I'm so sorry…"

**ooOoo**

Severus sat at a small table in the corner of the Hog's Head, staring at his half-empty whiskey glass. Time seemed to pass slowly, but it did not matter. If he could fall to the floor and melt beneath the floorboards, never to be seen again, perhaps that would suit him… to live the remainder of his life as an enigma.

"Professor?" he was interrupted. "Closing up soon, thought I'd let you know."

He gave a curt nod and continued to sit, staring at his glass. He reached into his pocket expecting to find money, and instead finding the ring that had previously belonged on the finger of Allison McCormack.

How had this ended up in his pocket? Hadn't he transfigured the ring into a dove when Allison had first given it back? He _had_. He had watched the dove peck at his palm and then fly out an open window.

"Ah, so it has returned to you…" a warm voice filled the room. He looked up from his hand which held the ring to see none other than Albus Dumbledore walking toward the table.

"Albus…" he greeted, still perplexed. "How did…"

"Things that we cherish have a funny habit of coming back to us, don't they?" he sat down on the other side of the table.

Severus felt his mouth drop open slightly, most unusual for him.

"Pardon me?"

"Perhaps the ring returned to you as a message."

"What possible message could a ring send me?"

"That is something you'll need to decide for yourself, Severus," Dumbledore answered him, conjuring a glass of mead in front of him. "What significance did the doe Patronus serve during the war?"

Severus remained silent.

"Exactly…" Dumbledore tapped his nose once. "Think wisely on it, Severus. Make the right decision."

And with that, he strolled out the door as quietly as he'd come.

**ooOoo**

By the time Allison had gotten out of bed the sun had set. She had gotten into the shower, changed the bed sheets, and done the dishes all before the later evening news programs had started. Curling up with a mug of tea, she sighed as she listened to the first new story of the hour.

_London Bridge was the scene of a spectacular mess that had travelers sitting docile for more than three hours today. The cause? A __**statue**__ of none other than our Prime Minister lay across three lanes of traffic, the head sawed off and a trail of blood leading toward the side of the Bridge, leading police to suspect foul play…_

There was a loud knock at the door. Checking the clock, she saw that it was just turning eleven o'clock. Who in their right mind would be knocking at the door at this time of night?

Nevertheless, she got up and went to answer the knock.

Pulling the door open, there was Severus standing in front of her.

"Severus?"

"I have something that belongs to you…" he told her.

Her brow furrowed. "You do?"

"Hold out your hand," he told her. As soon as she did so, he deposited the ring into her palm, curled her fingers around it, and stroked her cheek.

Her mouth dropped open. Unable to move, her words only came as stutters.

"I…"

He pressed a finger to his lips in a bid to silence her. With that gesture, he disappeared into the dark.


	27. Advertising Space

**g: I agree with you, Allison and Severus need to stop all this nonsense! But then we wouldn't have a story, would we? Thank you for the review**

**dnd4ever: That's exactly what needs to happen. Thank you for the review**

**surf with music: Thank you, thank you very much. Ask and you shall receive**

**makaem: I'm thrilled you like it so much. Thank you**

**rejazzz: Here's what happens next**

**Brown eyed Girl 75: Some men won't see it till it's already happened. I think everyone agrees with you and dnd4ever. There's no need for them to be so stubborn, but then where would the story be? Dumbledore is actually quite important in this story in this story, even if he's a minor character. Thank you so much for listening to me ramble and bitch and whine when this was giving me such trouble. Much love to you**

**Ashes Falling: I understood what you meant, but no more staying up for twenty eight hours, that's not good for you! Thank you for reviewing though, I truly appreciate it**

**A/N: This chapter is currently unbeta'd, so any mistakes are mine.  
**

**ooOoo**

_Through your eyes, the world is burning, please be gentle, I'm still learning. They seem to say, that you kept turning up._

_Advertising Space- Robbie Williams _

**ooOoo**

Allison must have stood at her door for a good ten minutes until she realized what it was that she had in her hand. It was the ring; the ring that had literally flown out the window, transfigured as a dove.

Her engagement ring!

But why? Why had he given to her, when he could have kept it? And why did it feel as though it no longer belonged to the woman it was meant for, but that it was ultimately and uniquely hers?

A single tear ran down her cheek, realizing the truth. Closing her hand and giving herself a small smile, she turned and went back into the house.

Looking out into the street once more, she couldn't help but press her hand to the window, and whisper a small prayer of thanks.

**ooOoo**

She awoke the next morning to a tapping on her window. Turning over in bed, she saw a owl waiting for her. Upon closer inspection, she saw that it held a letter in it's beak.

"Where did you come from?" she asked sleepily, getting up and opening the window. The bird flew in, dropped the letter in her hands, and off it went again.

She turned it over to find the Hogwarts seal on the back.

"What's this?" she broke the seal and opened the letter to see Severus' handwriting.

_Allison,_

_I behaved despicably last night, and for that I apologize. Though it is not possible for me to love you as deeply as you would like me to, but, if nothing else, know that I do love you, it is just a different kind of love._

_You are a wonderful young woman, and you deserve so much more than I can give you. However, if I know you, I know that you are not one to give up so easily. I must, however, tell you this: I am willing to try, if you are willing to have me._

_There is no need to reply to this letter, just simply know that I apologize._

_Severus_

Come again?

What did that say?

She reread it again, just to make sure she hadn't read it incorrectly. No, it was there… 'If nothing else, know that I do love you… I apologize'.

It had hit her like a ton of bricks. There it was, in black and white. _Know that I do love you._

She'd waited for so long to hear him say it, and there it was.

**ooOoo**

You know that when you practice and practice what you're going to say and how you're going to get your nerves under control when that thing that you're waiting for actually happens? I thought I'd know exactly how I'd feel when he actually said 'I love you', but instead, I felt… almost numb.

Granted, he hadn't said it to my face, but it was better than not knowing at all.

I sank to the floor and curled up against the bedroom door. I took a deep breath and attempted to sort out my brain. I couldn't believe it… he'd actually meant it.

Closing my eyes, I saw his face. He was giving me a small smile, and I should probably take that at face value; rarely did he smile. I could see his hands running over my stomach, I felt his arms around me, as though he were right there with me. I know it sounds almost ludicrous, but it's true.

All I could think of was the fact that he'd actually admitted it.

There's no need to reply to this letter, of course there was! How could there not be? I should reply, but what do I say? 'Thank you, that's nice'? 'I've loved you and now I know it wasn't all for naught'? Cheesy, and childish. God, finally he says something of value and it's screwing with my mind!

Suddenly I had an idea. I was going to respond to that letter, in the best way I knew how, and if I had to address the paper I wrote it on as though it were a living, breathing individual, then so be it.

I picked myself up and made my way to my bedroom. Can you believe I've been home for almost three weeks and have only slept in my room a handful of times, and none too wonderfully either. In fact I think the only time I'd slept through the night since I'd been back from Hogwarts would have to after we'd made love. Wait, could I call it making love? Shagging? A random fuck? Couldn't call it a stable relationship, could I? What did that Louise character in that movie say when Sophie asked her what a proper relationship was? Didn't Louise say that it meant someone who lives with you after they've banged you?

Well I wasn't going to get that, no matter how much I thought I would. Severus and I would never come to that point. As much as he cared for me, I knew it wasn't going to last.

Shouldn't he at least know that?

And fuck the 'there's no need to reply to this letter'. I'm going to reply and send it to him. I threw open my desk drawer and rummaged about for a piece of paper and a pen. Ah ha, there they were!

Sitting down and hastily clearing off the desk, I plotted out the first of the letter.

_Dear Severus…_

No, scratch that… there

_To Severus…._

No, that doesn't work either. Scratch that thought… okay.

_Severus…_

There, that works.

_Severus_, I wrote

_Don't be alarmed by the fact that I ignored your request not to respond to that last letter of yours. You know me, when have I ever let a claim go to rest? With a confession like that, how could I not respond? Do you expect me not to react to the news that you really do love me? Even if it is a different kind of love, that's okay, because I happen to believe that we never forget our first loves, and that there is never a love that can replace the kind of love we felt for that person._

_Now I know you must be looking at this letter and already questioning my sanity. Rest assured, there is no need to rest to have me locked up in St. Mungo's quite yet. At least let me finish what I have to say before rushing to my side and demanded who I am and what the hell have I done with Allison McCormack. Believe me, I am the same woman, but I have changed. _

_They say that sex completely changes the nature of the pre-existing relationship. After you left I had some time to think about where we, as far as us and our relationship is going. And frankly, I have no idea what is happening. Is it the fact that I am young and you still see me as a child, that smart mouthed child in your first year Potions class that never hesitated to snap back at you and ended up with multiple detentions since I never knew when to shut my God-damned trap? It is the fact that you and I are damaged beyond any hope and repair? I don't want to believe that last sentence, Severus, I really don't. I want to believe that at some point, we have a chance. Let me tell you, Severus, you are the only man that's ever left me completely fulfilled, and knowing what sex is without pain and suffering. I would like to thank you for that night. The problem is, I don't know how. _

_It was not only you in the wrong that night, when the two of us where in bed afterward and I bore witness to the scars on your back, it was not my place to ask where they came from. I realize now that you will tell me when you are ready, and if you do not wish to tell me because I already know the answer, that is perfectly acceptable. The only reason I asked you to tell me is because I felt there would be a sense of closure in our relationship. I would be able to move on from what happened with Neil and Rabastan Lestrange, and you from your days as a Death Eater. _

_It's painfully clear, however, that we are not ready to move on from these experiences. I will admit that I know the longer we wait to get closure on this, the deeper the wounds become and the more difficult it is to let go. At some point we will need to do so. If I have offended you at all with this letter, that was not my intention, I simply wish to set the record straight between us and not hold anything against any party involved._

_Indeed, I love you, Severus, though Lord knows why I do. That is not meant to be an insult, believe me, it is not. It's just that, I've been thinking (I know, what a surprise), but have you ever thought of the prospect of soul mates? Though you may not know it, you are destined to be with this one person? Could it be that you and I are such? Forgive me if I'm being presumptuous, it is just my view. If it wrong, then I am wrong, oh well._

_By the time you get this, I will be gone. Where, I don't know, but know that I am alright._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Allison_

**ooOoo**

Severus Snape put down the letter that had just been delivered less than half and hour ago to his abode at Spinner's End. As much as he despised the place, his parents had left it to him at the age of seventeen, when he'd legally become an adult. How it had gotten to him when Allison had not been in contact with Hogwarts or the wizarding world for weeks.

She did not have the address for Spinner's End, and had more than likely addressed it to Hogwarts. If it had gone to Hogwarts that could only mean that, if whoever had gotten their hands on the envelope couldn't find him, it would've gone to Dumbledore, and from Dumbledore, it would have…

No wonder that owl had looked familiar. It'd been a school owl.

Just as he'd sat down to continue reading, there was a knock at the door.

Glancing at the clock, he made his way down the stairs. Reaching into his pocket, he kept a few fingers on his wand. From all his years of patrolling the corridors of Hogwarts, it was best to be on his guard at all times. Even when answering the door of his own home, you would never quite know what was on the other side.

He creaked the door open to find Allison standing on the doorstep. She was sopping wet, her thin t-shirt sticking to her skin, her copper hair almost stuck to her cheeks.

"I know where I belong," she stepped in the doorway and looked him square in the eye. "How about you?"

Not able to restraint himself, he took a step toward her, cupped her cheek, and brought his lips to hers. Even in the cold, she felt right.

Breaking away from her, he picked her up, kicked the door shut, and ascended the staircase with the woman he loved in his arms.


	28. Long Black Train

**g: Stubborn hot heads? Nice touch. I seriously considered whether or not Allison would show up at his door, just to make you even more frustrated. Thank you for the review**

**CarlyJo: Here you are**

**Lift the Wings: (mouth drops open in shock). Thank you so much! That's so sweet of you. Thank you for the review, it's wonderful to see a new reviewer.**

**dnd4ever: Do you honestly believe that would happen? A Weasley pack of kids? Geez, poor Allison, I couldn't do that to her. Thank you for the review**

**Brown eyed Girl 75: Let's applaud progress! (clap clap clap). Hooray, back to my response. I didn't know how that letter would go over, but I am so glad you thought that was perfectly written, and thank you for all your help with this. Thank you for the wonderful review**

**The Queen of Confusion: Ask and you shall receive, my dear. Here is more, thank you for the review**

**surf with music: Yes, something beautiful is finally starting between the two of them, but they still have a lot of work to do. Thank you for the review**

**Extra special thanks to Melissa for the wonderful beta job. Couldn't have done it without you.**

**ooOoo**

_There's an engineer on that long black train, making you wonder if the ride is worth the pain. He's just waiting on your heart to say, let me ride on that long black train_

_Long Black Train- Josh Turner_

**ooOoo**

The next morning Allison awoke to find herself lying next to Severus, the sun streaming through the window. It was a beautiful day out, what was the point of staying in bed all day? Sure, it was nice to get a good night sleep, but she needed to get out. She couldn't remember the last time she'd gone to see Noelle. She was due for a visit. In truth, it was the only thing that kept her sane. Noelle didn't judge her, no matter what she'd done.

She shifted, sat up, and tiptoed her way to the bathroom. Dressing quickly, she looked over to the bed once more. Severus was not the kind of man not to stir when there was movement. Years of teaching and patrolling corridors would do that to a person. Besides, who knows what kind of things the young rapscallions known as students were doing late at night?

Sure enough, he did. His eyes opened to see her moving toward the bedroom door.

"I'll be back in a few minutes," she answered his stare. "Just going to visit someone…"

He nodded, sitting up. "Would you like for me to accompany you?"

"Thank you, but I need to do this on my own," she acknowledged his offer. "Listen, I won't be long. I'll just Apparate there and back. Fifteen, twenty minutes at the most."

He said nothing. Well, in truth she hadn't stuck around long enough to hear if he had said anything. Once outside, she looked around, made sure no one saw her, and concentrated on her destination.

The feeling of being pushed through a rubber hose overtook her, and within minutes, she was where she needed to be.

She walked among the markers until she came to the person she wanted to see.

"Hi darling..." she whispered, sinking to her knees and tracing her sister's name with her finger. "I'm not planning on making this a habit, you know. I won't be neglecting you for months on end. Things have just been so topsy-turvy and upside down that I just couldn't get here. God, you have no idea how much I miss you…" she paused, waiting for some sort of sound to pierce the air. "It's really quiet out here. It's early, no wonder. Look, I'm just so confused, and talking to you is the only thing that keeps me sane. You don't judge me, you never did. No matter what happened. I still remember the last time I saw you. It haunts me to this day. Your last words weren't malicious, or hateful. Not at all. I sat beside you and you told me you loved me and that I wasn't alone, and then you died. To know that I was responsible for that, it's torn me apart…"

I sniffed and wiped the tears away with the back of my head.

"All I want to hear is that I did the right thing," she pleaded with the marker. "Can you tell me, Noelle? Did I do the right thing?" the tears were flowing, and she couldn't bring herself to wipe them away. "Tell me I wasn't responsible for what happened to you. Tell me anything! I just don't want to feel this hurt anymore, please…"

She broke down completely then. Her entire body went limp, her back heaving with sobs.

"I told myself I wasn't responsible, but I need to hear it from you…"

She felt someone gently place their hands on her shoulders. Silently, they laid a hand on her back to steady her, the cold wind picking up around them.

"You did the right thing…" they whispered.

Severus! He'd followed her!

And at that point she couldn't have been more grateful.

It took her more than a couple of minutes to compose herself, and even then it was difficult. She'd said she needed to do it on her own, but it was then that she realized how much she really needed him.

It had taken her months to get through to him, to help him see that he could love her. It seemed almost impossible that he'd do something like that unprovoked.

The silence between them was palpable as Allison sat herself in the grass.

"Why did you come here?" she asked.

"I could ask you the same."

"Well I doubt your parents are buried here," she quipped.

"Why do you assume such a thing?"

"You're telling me they _are _buried here?" her eyes went wide.

"No…" he answered. "Didn't bury them. Saw no need for it."

"That's barbaric!"

"Cremation is barbaric?"

"Well when you leave that part out, what am I left to think? You said you didn't bury them, and you said nothing else. For all I know you could've pitched them in a ditch and left them to rot!"

"That's not a bad idea…"

"Severus!" she nearly shouted.

"It's more than they deserved," he very nearly spat venom.

"They were your parents…"

"In the legal sense of the word, yes," he answered.

"They gave you this house, that's got to count for something."

"A house and a burial on my part are no excuse for a lifetime of abuse," he stood up and offered her his hand so that she could stand.

Taking his offer, she pulled herself up. Brushing the dirt from her pants, she linked her arm with his. "What do you think then, shall we walk?"

"We've got time…" he told her, leading her away from Noelle. "Besides, it's a beautiful day, may as well use it."

She looked at him sideways. Since when had Severus Snape actually taken the opportunity to go outside? He spent most of his time in the dungeons of Hogwarts, why would he want to be walking around outside in the middle of December?

"Are you sure?" she asked. "We could always go back to your place and talk it over."

His shoulders relaxed.

"That's what you were hoping for, wasn't it?" she told him. "Look, I'll extend the same courtesy to you, Severus. If you don't want to talk about this outside, I'm not going to force you."

They walked in silence until they reached a safe spot in which to Apparate. Ten miles in the middle of December was far too long to walk, and it would be getting quite cool. Considering the moisture in the air, it would produce a chill that would go straight through to the bone.

Even when they'd gotten through the door to Spinner's End, Allison felt an odd chill go through her body.

"Air from the outside getting in?"

"No, it's…" she paused. "Something else…"

"What sort of something else?"

"I'm not sure, but it's cold," she whispered. "Cold, but… at the same time not threatening. It's almost… familiar."

His brow furrowed. "Your sister, perhaps?"

"She's long buried, Severus, and she's a Muggle. You know Muggles don't come back as ghosts…"

"Yes, I know, but one does not need to be a magical person to let a loved one know they heard what that person said."

_Since when are you so insightful?_ Allison thought. _Not something I usually hear out of you._

"Is that what you really think, or are you just trying to make me feel better?"

"Why must I fight with you on everything?" he asked. "I know I am perceived as a grudge holding sort of man, but I am not one to hold it against someone I… care for."

Her eyes grew wide. "You paused…"

"What?"

"You paused before you said 'care for'."

"That means nothing."

"You did! You stopped! What were you going to say?"

His only answer was silence.

"Don't do this again," she shook her head. "Don't expect me to accept silence as an answer. Come on…"

He leaned against the counter and hung his head over the sink, his hair falling in his face.

"What were you going to say?"

He looked at her stoically, straightening up and turning away from her. "Does it need to be said?"

Her hand went to her face. _You are positively infuriating! _

"Yes it does need to be said," she reached for his arm and held on. "Tell me, Severus, because I know that's what you're alluding to. Do you love me?"

He nearly choked on his next answer.

"Yes."


	29. Wasted Years

**g: I simply couldn't have them hold out much longer, because that would be cruel. Thank you for the review**

**Dessi Marie: (faints). Thank you so much.**

**CarlyJo: I'm celebrating too. It's just a shame it took him so long to figure out what he really wanted, and yes he's stubborn as all hell, but if he wasn't, he wouldn't be Severus. Thanks for the review**

**rejazzz: Yay, he admitted it! **

**Brown eyed Girl 75: I know it takes you a while to get into it, but I'm very very flattered that you love this story so much. Thank you for all your help with this chapter. I couldn't have done it without you.**

**Fieken: Thank you, and it's always lovely to see a new reviewer.**

**ooOoo**

_Was it life I betrayed for the shape that I'm in? It's so hard to fail, it's not easy to win. Did I drink too much, could I disappear? And there's nothing that's left but wasted years. _

_Wasted Years- Cold_

**ooOoo**

Even at nineteen years old, Neil Lansdell had a lot of regrets. Regret at being the one to split his parents apart, regret at choosing to skate instead of play hockey (which had led to him becoming a frequent target of bullying and beat-downs, as he called them), but there was nothing he would regret more in his entire life than meeting Allison McCormack.

Sure, at nine years old, one could hardly say no when offered the chance to skate with someone as cute and charming as she had been. Even at the age of seven he could tell she was a sweet little thing. He'd said yes right away.

Fast forward ten years, and he could barely stand the sight of her. That's right, the entire thing was her fault! If she had been normal, and never left for that _sodding _school in Scotland…

Nothing would have changed and he would've gotten his happily ever after.

"God, I need a drink!" he whispered to himself, stepping into the nearest pub.

Walking up to the bar, he sat down.

"You're a little young to be in here, ain't you?"

Neil pulled out his wallet. "I'm old enough…" he mumbled.

"Old enough…" the bartender snorted. "Sure you are."

"You don't get paid to ask my age."

"Yeah I do, Blondie. And you ain't getting anything offa me. Now, I's guessing you're drunk already. And I don't like that. I don't care if you's been in here before, you're going out now. Bye bye…"

Glaring, Neil got off the bar stool and wandered out into the street.

It was going to be a long night

**ooOoo**

Upon arriving home from Spinner's End, Allison had rummaged through the fridge and realized she had run out of milk. Yes, she was one of those people who had to have milk in the house, if for no other reason than to have it. Grabbing her jacket and hopping on to her bike, she rode to the nearest corner store. Well, corner store involved a trip downtown, the stuff in the shops any closer to her home just weren't great quality.

For reasons she couldn't understand, she'd taken a detour downtown to get home. Reaching the pub district, she noticed someone staggering about outside. Wait a minute, he was blond, tall, he looked like…

Neil?

Getting off her bike, she leaned it against the wall of the pub and went to him.

"Neil? Is that you?"

As though recognizing her voice, he looked over and locked eyes with her.

"Allie?" he slurred.

"Yes, Neil, it's me…" she whispered, reaching out to him.

"Allie, I…" he stumbled and gripped her by the arms.

"What is it? What do you need?"

And that's when she heard a deafening CRACK and Neil went limp. Collapsing against her, the sheer force of his body nearly knocked her to the ground.

"Oh no…" She could feel the blood seeping through his shirt. "No, no… don't do this!" There were tears in her eyes. "Help!" she shouted, out of options. "Someone call an ambulance, he's been shot!"

Setting herself on the ground, Allison cradled his head in her hands. "Come on Neil, hold on. I'm here. You're going to be okay…"

"Allie…" he gurgled, blood shining on his lips, his face going paler by the minute.

"Shh… don't talk, Neil. Help is coming," she reassured him. "Damn it, where the hell is that ambulance?" she shouted.

"On the way, sweetheart!" a disembodied voice called back through the crowd beginning to form. "What's his name? They need to know his name!"

"Neil…" she answered. "His name is Neil Lansdell!"

"And what's yours, honey?"

"Allison!"

Neil's hand tugged at her shirt. "I…I…"

"No, no…" she hushed him. "No, don't talk. Fight… come on, sweetheart, fight…"

"I…" he coughed, spilling blood down his chin. "I… sorry…"

It was then that his eyes rolled back and closed. He took his last breath with Allison's hand over his heart.

It seemed like a lifetime between Neil dying and the ambulance arriving. So much so that, by the time they were ready to take him, she wouldn't let him go. He was her best friend, no matter what he'd done. She forgave him; she forgave him _everything_, just as long as she could tell him that one last time.

"Let me hold him," she cried to Joan, a paramedic who'd introduced herself in the middle of the mess. She'd showed compassion.

"We have to take him soon…"

"No yet," she cried. "Please, not yet…"

"Five minutes, sweetheart…" Joan ran a gloved hand over Allison's hair. "Can I call anyone for you?"

"He'll be here soon," she answered.

"Who will?"

"Severus will," she insisted. "He'll be here soon."

Sure enough, Severus appeared less than three minutes later. Extrasensory perception could not count for something like that. Wizard or not, he had have known something was wrong when she hadn't shown up at home again. He'd been at her apartment helping her get things in order again. Not having much in the way of furniture or cleaning supplies, nor food, she'd told him she'd be back in less than half an hour. It'd been over an hour, he'd probably have known something wasn't right.

Joan had introduced herself to him and let him sit with Allison. The crowd had dispersed, leaving the ambulance, the police, and Allison alone.

"Allison, it's Severus…" he told her.

"I couldn't save him…" she whimpered. "I tried, I couldn't…"

"I know," he whispered. "You did everything right. Let them take him…"

"No! He's mine!" she shouted, tightening her hold on him.

Severus put an arm around Allison's shoulder and kissed her temple. "Yes I know he's yours, but he needs to go home," he reasoned as simplistically as he could. "Give him to Joan, Allison. He needs to go with Joan."

Something clicked, and Allison released him. Joan and another paramedic picked him up and loaded him on to a stretcher.

"Please take care of him…" she sobbed. "Please?"

"Of course, darling," Joan gave her a small smile. "Of course we will."

She watched almost aimlessly as Neil's lifeless body was loaded into the ambulance and driven away. They'd gotten everything they needed from her before, and now he was gone.

Nothing seemed right anymore. Getting up, she grabbed her bike still leaning against the wall, and proceeded to walk home. Everything seemed to be buzzing in her ears, people seemed to be running by her instead of walking or driving… she couldn't hear anything except for that deafening crack.

Getting home, she still couldn't hear anything. Turning her key in the lock, she threw them into the dish sitting on the entrance table, and made her way into the kitchen.

She didn't even hear the knock at the door, nor the spell whispered to gain entrance. Frankly, it just didn't matter anymore.

**ooOoo**

Severus stood in the doorway watching Allison scurry around the kitchen, opening doors and cabinets, but doing nothing but stare into them for a few seconds before closing them again.

She'd pick up a plate from the drying rack and run over it with a cloth, before replacing it. Finally, she smoothed out the washcloth to allow it to dry, and just stood against the sink, unmoving.

Slowly, he approached her and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

She jumped, nearly reaching around to slap him.

"Oh…" she breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank God it's you."

"I came to see if there was anything you needed."

She shook her head. "No, I… I'm alright…" she answered. "Shit, I was supposed to do something but I forget what it is, I think it was… damn it, it's in the laundry room!"

"Allison," Severus blocked the doorway and caught her before she got very far. "You don't have a laundry room. That's downstairs."

Taking a deep breath, she moved back into the kitchen, fumbling with the washcloth she had just laid out.

"Can we bring him back?" she asked, desperate for an answer. "Is there any way to bring him back?"

He shook his head. "No," was the simplest thing to say. "You know as well as I do, Allison, no spell can reawaken the dead."

It was then that she threw herself at him, her shoulder slamming into his chest.

"Then what's the fucking point of you?" she shouted, grief running through her voice. "He wasn't supposed to die, and it's my fault, Severus _fucking_ Snape! We need to bring him back!"

"Allison, Allison," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. "I'm sorry. It's all we can do. I'm sorry…"

"It's my fault!" she sobbed against his shoulder. "I couldn't save him. It's all my fault!"

He kissed the top of her head, deciding it was better to say nothing than to inflame the situation.

Not more than half an hour later, he found himself sitting on the kitchen floor, leaning against the sink cupboards. She was exhausted, eventually falling asleep with her head in his lap.

Stroking her hair as she slept, it was all he could think about. What had happened, and why she thought she could bring him back. But, there was nothing they could do. The only plausible thing would be to accept it.

Accept the things we cannot change, and move on.

Easier said than done, he mused.

Easier said than done.


	30. Forsaken

**g: If you want to think of it that way, sure. It was done to advance the story.**

**rejazzz: You were supposed to feel bad for Allison. Neil was a big part of her life.**

**Ashes Falling: In Chapter 27, when I switched from third person to first, yes, that was intentional. Allison was not only speaking to Severus with that letter (the letter was the one in italics, with the first person narrative), but also breaking the fourth wall and speaking to the reader. And you know that every seemingly random event in Into the Night has a purpose, but that purpose may take a while to emerge (pay extra close attention to this chapter for your answer).**

**ooOoo**

_I'm over it. You see I'm falling in the vast abyss, clouded by memories of the past, at last, I say… I hear it fading, I can't speak it, or else you will dig my grave. You feel them finding, always whining, take my hand now, be alive_

_Forsaken- Disturbed & Korn_

**ooOoo**

Severus and Allison came through the door once again later that week. Neil's memorial service had been planned by his parents, with photographs and people getting up and saying their piece. How they knew him, what he meant to them, what kind of person he was. She'd thought long and hard about attending, after all that had happened between them. On the one hand, she wanted to kill him for a) being so cruel to her after she'd announced the engagement, and b) for later attempting to rape her. But on the other hand, she wanted to say her goodbyes and let him know she forgave him, because they'd known each other for years.

Finally, she'd ultimately decided she'd go. She wouldn't stay for very long, just long enough to speak to his parents and maybe say a little something.

But in the end she couldn't bring herself to do it.

She stood outside the funeral home with her hand on the door, talking to herself, trying to find something inside of her to make her go inside and say goodbye, but…

There was nothing to force her into the funeral home, and no one who would miss her if she wasn't there. As such, she turned around and made her way back home. Severus had asked if she wished for him to accompany her, but she had declined. Even if she hadn't had the courage to step foot in the funeral home, the walk home would do her some good. Give her a chance to think about what to do next.

Unfortunately, by the time she had turned to walk back home, she realized that, for the first time in many months, that she was alone.

Little did she know that she was not alone that drizzly night. A dark, well known figure sat in the shadows, waiting, just waiting, for his chance to strike at her again.

**ooOoo**

"There she is!" that irritating little voice beside him whispered. "What do you think? Now?"

"What are you, a three headed beast? You are not going to maul her," the stained, aged voice of Rabastan Lestrange whispered harshly. "She's far too beautiful for that. No, she is to be kept this way. She is mine, you will not lay a hand on her."

"I have not had a fresh kill in weeks now."

"Then find some other disgusting Mudblood to feast on," Lestrange growled. "Allison McCormack is mine."

"You didn't get her the first two times, what makes you think you'll be getting her this time?"

Lestrange stopped.

"Don't you remember?" Greyback snarled. "The first time she escaped, little worse for wear but escaped none the less. The second time you had her and that other Mudblood, Granger. Escaped that time too, but not without someone else gettin' in the way." He turned his head toward the moon; it wasn't full, just half, and still his hunger would not be sedated. "Juicy little thing, that Granger, shame she got away."

"A taste for flesh even without the full moon?"

Suddenly it seemed as though Rabastan Lestrange had grown an arm out of the top of his head.

"Steadily more so as time has gone on," Greyback growled.

"You say you haven't had a fresh kill in weeks now…"

"Rats," Greyback cut him off. "Rats and other useless creatures."

"One of those could have been Pettigrew…"

"Pettigrew choked to death during the war."

"Well then, one of the many spawn that could've appeared."

"Pettigrew couldn't have gotten a woman to go near 'im with a ten foot pole, rat or otherwise," Greyback spat to clear his mouth. "So, you want Allison McCormack, don't see why, filthy Muggle…"

"I want to finish the job. Kill her, just like I did her sister."

"And to do that, what are do you need to accomplish?"

"Get her on her own…"

"And then what?"

"Rip her throat out, leave her for dead."

"She ain't gonna go down without a fight. Remember she ain't on her own no more."

"We already took out the middle man."

"Who? That skinny blonde bitch boy drunk off 'is ass?" Greyback wheezed, used that as a laugh. "She ain't had no contact with him for weeks. We just did the world a favour, and now we gotta do 'em another one."

Lestrange looked puzzled.

"Snape, you idiot! Take out Snape and you'll have the girl!"

**ooOoo**

"Cold, are you?" Severus commented as he put the kettle on for tea.

Allison had woken up three hours later not quite remembering why she had fallen asleep on the kitchen floor. After quickly establishing her bearings, she'd gone up the stairs to her bedroom and found herself a warm housecoat (purple with black hearts) and slippers (in the shape of rabbits, and a god-awful shade of pink)

"Just a bit, what gave you the idea?"

"Those god-awful slippers of yours," he answered. "They are certainly not becoming."

"I just grabbed them because my feet were cold." She shivered once more. "Someone just walked over my grave."

"Don't be daft Allison, it doesn't suit you."

"That's not being daft, that's a genuine concern," she spat at him. "Given what's happened to us since the Ministry forced us together…"

"I doubt anything is out there in the night trying to kill you, Allison," his dry wit had never bothered her, but there was something about that comment that made her hair stand on end.

"This isn't funny, Severus. From the Ministry records, they say you've had several attempts on your life. How do you know you won't die if you go out the door in the morning?"

"I have nothing left to live for as it is."

Allison's mouth dropped open. What? How could he say such a thing? After all the progress they had made, what would cause him to say he had nothing left to live for? Was their relationship not important? Of course they were not in love with each other but they had been learning to accept each other.

Not saying anything, she trudged back up the stairs and changed into sweatpants and a sweater.

"Where are you going?" he asked her through his teeth, moving to the doorway.

"Fuck you," she spat. "When I come back, I expect you to be gone."

Without another word, she slammed the door as she left.

**ooOoo**

Fenrir Greyback could barely contain himself. Who should come walking near the alley where he and Rabastan Lestrange hid but the woman of the hour, Allison McCormack.

It looked as though she was speed walking, and there was no one following behind. That could only mean one thing.

Oh, this was too perfect! Severus Snape was nowhere in sight.

"There she is! Go!"

"What were we going to do again? There was no plan of attack!"

"How stupid are ye?" Greyback lunged forward and grabbed the girl by the neck, silencing her with his hand over her mouth and pulling her into the alley.

Imobilizing her with a flick of his wand, he laid her on the ground, silent as a dormouse.

"One thing you should know, Lestrange, after so many years serving the Dark Lord," Greyback told him, nudging Allison's frozen arm with his toe, as though she were dirty. "There's hardly ever a plan of attack that does not need to be changed on a whim."


	31. Every You, Every Me

**Ashes Falling: I always thought that Greyback was a threat, and not as stupid as some people might think he is. How could he have piggybacked on Voldemort's coattails for so long if he wasn't carrying a few people on his own back?**

**invisible-gurl: If you want to, sure, that's what I did. After all that progress he had to go and say that.**

**The Queen of Confusion: Oh my God indeed! And thank you very much, here is more**

**rejazzz: Freudian slip, maybe? I have no idea, but he's certainly paying for it now. Believe me, is he ever paying for it**

**Ryle Culler: Thank you very much. I hope you enjoy this next chapter.**

**Extra special thanks to Melissa for the magnificent beta.**

**ooOoo**

_Sucker love is known to swing, prone to cling and waste these things. Pucker up for heaven's sake, there's never been so much at stake. I serve my head up, on a plate, it's only comfort calling late. Cause there's nothing else to do, every me and every you._

_Every You, Every Me- Placebo_

**ooOoo**

Severus could almost have been certain he'd heard a scream. From where he stood Allison could not have gotten very far so late at night. It was cold, snowing, but the air was still. Allowed for voices to carry.

And he was almost certain he'd heard someone scream.

Allison's street wasn't a very long one, and belonged to one of the smaller communities in the North end of Bishopsgate, near Surrey. She couldn't have gotten very far, considering the time and the weather.

Still, better safe than sorry. He quickly threw on his cloak and went out the door. Every time something like this happened, one could almost always assume the Death Eaters were behind it. The last time Allison had gone missing she'd said nothing of where she was headed, the same this time. The last time it'd happened he'd found her secluded in a tiny bathroom being terrorized by Rabastan Lestrange…

Lestrange had her again, he was sure of it!

The one problem with magic was the fact that one could disappear and leave no trace behind. For all he knew Allison could be anywhere in the UK, the possibility of finding her alive, especially if she was in the company of Rabastan Lestrange, was steadily decreasing.

One chance and one chance only…

**ooOoo**

"Ah, victory is sweet!" Lestrange proclaimed as he let go of Allison's limp body, her body landing with a THUMP on the ground. "Ooh, that'll leave a bruise!"

"What do you mean, victory? Did you kill 'er yet?"

"Nope."

"Then it ain't no victory. You was the one that said once she's dead, we'll all have a pint and toast her corpse for fightin' back."

"Her fighting back won't be a problem," Lestrange snarled. "You already immobilized her. Surprised you didn't actually kill her right then."

"There's no point in killing her yet, you fool!" Greyback spat. "She's the bait! We want Snape, remember?"

"We do?"

"Merlin's pants, it's a wonder the Dark Lord kept you for as long as he did! Can't walk three steps forward without looking back to see if yer head's on straight!" Greyback shook his head. "We take out Snape and there's nothin' to stop us killing her once he's dead."

"You sure it was a good idea bringing her out here?"

"You havin' second thoughts?"

"No, just makes it kinda easy for Snape to find us. He knows this school as well as that good for nothing Dumbledore. Any further into this forest and we're dead. Snape? Not so much."

"Can't have you havin' second thoughts."

"I didn't say I was havin' second thoughts!" Lestrange bellowed. "Just think it might've been better if we took her someplace else!"

It was then that a small noise came from the girl. Her eyes were still closed, and her body frozen, but she was still alive.

Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to see how far she could get.

"Oh, so sorry dear," Greyback mumbled as he pointed his wand at her. Whispering the incantation, he watched as she sat up and surveyed her surroundings.

Finally being able to move, Allison scurried backward, trying to put as much distance as she could between herself and her two assailants.

Smirking, Lestrange and Greyback approached, drool forming at the corner of their mouths.

"And now, little Mudblood, you're going to die…"

Picking herself up, Allison shook her head, adrenaline beginning to pump through her body.

"Go to hell!" she shouted, turning to run.

"Oh come on, Allison, I don't like playing with my food…" Greyback called to her. "It's not much fun playing with my food."

Hearing nothing but distant voices by this time, Allison broke into a full out sprint. The faster she ran, the faster she'd be able to contact Severus, she reasoned. Or Dumbledore, or Flitwick, or Hagrid, it didn't matter… _somebody._ She didn't know where she was going, but she was sure all hell going to get out of the Forest.

Wait a minute, the Forest! That's it! She was close to Hogwarts. Hogwarts meant Severus, Hogwarts meant Dumbledore…

Hogwarts meant sanctuary!

Still running, she reached Hogwarts and pounded her fists against the entrance gates.

"Let me in!" she screamed, hearing Greyback and Lestrange pushing through the trees. "For God's sake, they're trying to kill me! Let me in!"

The gates wouldn't respond.

"Don't leave me to die!" the terror in her voice evident.

"Come out, come out wherever you are!" Lestrange called, mocking her. "I want to play, little girl… you shouldn't deny a hungry man his playthings…"

Screaming as Lestrange and Greyback approached, teeth bared, Allison could only curl into a ball against the gates, prepare herself for certain death. She could feel Lestrange's sour breath on her neck, hear Greyback at her waist, circling nearby, waiting to strike.

What a way to go out.

"Why are you doing this?" she managed.

Lestrange threw his head back and cackled.

"_That's _all you can think to ask?"

She nodded fervently, eyes wide, searching for some sort of help.

"You are _filth!_" Lestrange told hold of her chin and kissed her cheek. "Muggle born _filth!_ Why shouldn't we kill you?"

Sucking in air, Allison could not respond.

"Oh, reduced to trembling…" Lestrange mocked.

Greyback growled at her waist.

"And Greyback's been waiting a long time to rip your throat out. Taste for blood without the full moon, he's practically salivating at the thought…"

Still she could not say anything.

"You've been a thorn in my side for the past two years, you have," Lestrange smirked at her. "I've been waiting two years to do it…"

"So why haven't you?" a gruff voice interrupted.

Wait a minute, she _knew_ that voice!

"Eh?" Lestrange stopped and turned toward the sound. "Ah, Snape, it's been a long time…"

"If you really wanted to kill her, you would've done it already," Severus approached them slowly. "I know you, Lestrange. You're not one to show mercy to a Mudblood. Instead of just _telling_ them you were going to do it, you would've killed her already."

Suddenly Lestrange moved from Allison toward Severus. "It was you we wanted…" he cackled. "You. You who played Dumbledore's puppet all throughout the war, you who did not suffer as we did for what you did while you were with us. We want you…"

"So kidnapping a seventeen year old girl was going to help you accomplish that goal?" Severus sneered. "She was sixteen when you first got her, what did she do to you then?"

Lestrange sneered again, advancing on Severus.

"You really think that after nearly twenty years, you advancing on me is going to make me cower?" It was Severus' turn to smile. "You seem to be forgetting how many years I spent at Voldemort's side…"

"How dare you speak his name?"

"Good God, you sound so much like your sister-in-law," Severus shook his head. "Now, tell me again, Lestrange, what makes you think that kidnapping a seventeen year old girl and proceeding to kill her would entice me to you?"

Lestrange barred his teeth, chuckling.

"If she's dead, you're ours."

"When did we make that arrangement?"

"Just now," Lestrange drew his wand, grabbed Allison round the throat and pointed it at her. "So now it comes down to this, Snape. Who is it going to be?"


	32. Stigmatized

**CarlyJo: Here is the update, as promised. Thank you for the review**

**All The Pretty Horses: I'm sorry I can't respond to every review that you've submitted at different points in the story, but I am thrilled that you enjoy it so much. The songs help me figure out where I'm going to take the chapter and the story, and Long Black Train is one of my favourites, that's why I used it. Thank you for the review(s).**

**valabo: Oh don't worry, they'll find a way out of it, though not all decisions are agreed upon or necessarily wonderful. Maybe having tissues handy would be a good thing. Thank you for the review**

**This chapter is currently unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine**

**ooOoo**

_I can feel the blood, rushing through my veins, when I hear your voice driving me insane. Hour after hour, day after day, every lonely night that I sit and pray. Tease me, by holding out your hand, then leave me, or take me as I am, and live our lives, stigmatized._

_Stigmatized- The Calling_

**ooOoo**

"Who is it going to be?"

Lestrange's voice echoed throughout his head as his eyes darted between Allison's terrified face and Greyback's menacing growl.

"Severus…" she managed.

His eyes locked with hers.

"Save…" she choked. "Don't… worry… me. Not… important!"

Lestrange threw his head back and cackled. "What's this, volunteering?"

"Lestrange, back away from her…" Severus managed. "She did nothing to you, and in no way deserves what you are doing to her. If it is me you want, then take me, but do not harm her."

"Do not harm her?" Lestrange tightened his hold on Allison's neck. "Oh Severus, you're a fool!"

"Who's the more foolish? The fool or the fool that follows him?"

Surely it couldn't have been taken as an insult. If calling the two Death Eaters fools was the worst that had ever come out of someone's mouth, they were lucky. Without one's arm around her neck Allison was sure she'd be able to think of a name much worse than 'fool'.

Apparently, their minds were so addled by Dark Magic even that slight insult was enough to set them off. Stunned, Lestrange let go of Allison's neck, dropping her. Greyback too seemed to have forgotten her, now that they were focused on Severus.

Seizing the opportunity, Allison ran toward the gates once again, and this time gained entrance. Those gates were fickle things, she noted. Not willing to open for her…

But willing to open for Severus!

Those doors must have known Severus was there, otherwise they would have locked her out once again, and she'd have had no chance whatsoever.

Running as quickly as she could toward the castle, she did not dare look back. As powerful a wizard as Severus was, she doubted there was any way he could fight both Lestrange and Greyback off on his own. With Lestrange having a sworn vendetta against the both of them, and Greyback having a taste for human flesh even without a full moon…

Dear God, she didn't dare even think about it.

"Professor Dumbledore!" she shouted. "Professor Dumbledore, please! I need your help!"

When no response came, she ran toward the gargoyle that guarded his office.

"If you're not here, he's doomed!" her hands were shaking. Attempting every single sweet known to her, the stone gargoyle finally moved upon hearing the words 'Drooble's Best Blowing Gum". Honestly, of all things…

Running up the stairs, she pounded on the door, to no avail.

"Fuck!" she shouted. "Where the hell are you, Professor Dumbledore?"

Surely if he was nearby he'd have been able to hear the commotion outside the gates. Someone must have heard something…

The flashes of green and red light from various wands permeated the night sky. Spells and hexes and curses being thrown from one side to the other. What had she done?

"What's all this then?" a rough voice came from behind her.

Turning, she saw Argus Filch holding a lamp in his hand.

"Mr Filch, is Professor Dumbledore here?"

"Left for London this morning, didn't he?"

"What?" she pounded on the door once again. "Professor Dumbledore!" she shouted.

"Ain't gonna do you no good screamin' for someone who ain't there," Filch sneered. "Come on then, outta here!"

Grabbing hold of her sleeve, he moved to pull her down the stairs behind him.

Wrenching herself free, she ran to the door, hoping that the old caretaker was wrong; that Professor Dumbledore was indeed back and just hadn't heard what was going on.

It wasn't long after she'd shouted for the Headmaster again that silence fell over the hallway.

The fighting had stopped. There were no more flashes of light, no more hexes or curses; just an eerie stillness.

"No!" she whispered to herself. Fearing the worst, she pushed past Filch, ran down the stone stairs and into the corridors again. Not stopping to see who might have been there, she sprinted back outside.

There was no sign of either Lestrange or Greyback, and Severus was nowhere to be seen.

"No, no, don't do this to me!" Allison shouted, falling to her knees. "Don't you do this to me, don't leave me alone!"

She felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Allison, come in with me."

Madam Pomfrey!

"No, no I can't!" she shouted. "He's still out there! I need to find him. Just let me…"

Madam Pomfrey reached forward and grabbed Allison around the forearms. "I'm sorry, I really am, but he's gone."

"You mean?" Allison turned to look at the matron.

The matron could only nod.

"No!" Allison shrieked, collapsing. "No, he can't be dead! He can't be! Tell me you're lying!"

"I'm so sorry, dear," the kindly older woman answered.

Bringing herself up to her knees, Allison couldn't help but notice something lying in the grass. Breaking free of Madam Pomfrey's grip, she essentially crawled through the grass to find Severus' wand, snapped in two.

Picking up the pieces, she pushed the two together, attempting to see where the break had happened. There was no way to mend it; even Ollivander couldn't do it… and now that there was no way to find Severus….

Without his wand he was surely dead.

**ooOoo**

Severus sat at the bottom of the stairs of the Shrieking Shack, staring at the grime on the other side of the room. One would assume that after the War one would have torn the wretched thing down, but still it stood.

Frankly it was a damn sight better than some hole in the mountains. He had no idea where Lestrange and Greyback had disapparated to, and his wand had snapped in the quarrel, surely leading whomever found the pieces to believe he'd perished…

Not that he had much to live for as it was.

_But you're wrong_, he heard a voice whispering to him. _You have so much to live for, Severus. Why are you pushing her away?_

_I need to understand what Lestrange and Greyback want with her, Lily, _he reasoned. _I cannot do so being so close to her._

_You still don't understand, Severus, _Lily's voice was becoming more prominent. _This girl loves you. I have no doubt she's heartbroken._

_It's for the best._

_Breaking a young woman's heart is for the best?_

_It's all I can do not to go back to her, _Severus answered. _Do you honestly believe that I want to leave her?_

Silence.

_No I do not, _was the answer he received. _This isn't right, Severus. Leaving the woman you love simply so you can satisfy your own curiosity._

_This is not and never has been about curiosity, _he answered, his head lowering into his lap. _I want to protect her. I could not bare to lose her as I lost you._

Her voice disappeared for barely a beat. _Are you ready?_

She didn't have to finish her sentence.

_I'll never be ready, _he answered.

**ooOoo**

Allison screamed, attempting to run as Madam Pomfrey dragged her back into the school. She could not and would not believe Severus was dead. He was the strong one; the one she'd run to at the end of the day, without him, she had no one.

Strong as she was, this was all too much. How could she have been so stupid? It was because of her foolish pride that she'd walked out, leaving him to race after her. How could she even debate the fact that he thought he had nothing to live for?

Upon reaching the hospital wing, she collapsed into one of the empty beds. Still too tired and reeling from the events of the previous night, there was little she could do.

Sleep did not come easily. Something told her that she couldn't give up. There was still a chance…

But for now, sleep was the best thing for her. Closing her eyes, images of Severus and her swan together. They were in his study, he'd slid the ring on to her finger, the scene changed… she could see him holding her up, telling her she'd done the right thing, again it changed. She could see his long fingers trailing their way across her collarbone; everything else blurred together.

Not able to pull herself up, she leaned over the side of the bed and vomited.


	33. Running on Empty

**Laura Hisel: Oh I know he's not stupid. This is all part of his plan. He wants to protect her, and this is the only way he knows how to do it. What he's been doing will be revealed over the next couple of chapters. Thank you for the review.**

**CarlyJo: That was precisely my intention. I love the fact that I'm able to take my readers and characters on such emotional journeys and have them connect. Don't smack him, you'll understand why he's doing what he's doing over the next few chapters, and thank you for the review**

**Special thanks to Melissa for the magnificent beta on this chapter.**

**ooOoo**

_Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels. I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels. I look around for the friends that I used to turn to to pull me through. Looking into their eyes I see them running too_

_Running on Empty- Jackson Browne_

**ooOoo**

It had been more than four months since Severus had gone, and Allison had returned to the ice. This felt even more awkward as Neil was no longer with her. The last time she'd skated without a partner she had just been learning a simple jump. It felt strange to be alone, but she'd done what she had to do. How do you pick up the pieces when you lose two of the most important people in your life within mere weeks of each other?

A day at a time, she decided.

Unfortunately the days dragged on. No one had bothered with a memorial service or a funeral for Severus, he'd gone, and that's all there was to it. To most of the population, he'd simply disappeared. Dumbledore had come to see her, if only to give her a few small articles he'd managed to salvage from Spinner's End. The house was in ruins now, as the magic which kept it together had died. Spells could only last so long…

"Allie, you're up next!" Janice, her coach, dance and singles skating, called to her from the music booth.

"Got it!" she called back. Stripping off her sweater, she tossed it over the boards and took her spot, waiting for her music to start.

Somehow it still felt empty.

The instrumentals of the R.E.M. track _Man on the Moon_ floated through the air as Allison worked her skate blades into the ice. One of her favourite songs, she mused as she turned, and she had had given Janice quite a hard time when selecting the piece. Janice had argued that lyrics were forbidden in competition unless she were to do an exhibition piece.

Rolling her eyes, Allison had stated that she did not care for lengthy amateur competitions any longer. She wasn't even sure if she still had amateur status! No, better to walk away and attempt to enjoy whatever grace in the sport she had left.

That day it seemed as though earthquakes had been happening underneath the ice. No matter what she tried she either landed awkwardly, or her dress glued itself to the ice each time she fell.

Eventually, she'd just called it a day. It was just one of those days where nothing was going to work. No matter which landing position she tried, no matter if she loosened or tightened her skates, nothing.

"What's been going on with you, Allison?" Janice leaned over the boards as Allison untied her skates.

"Well you know what happened with Neil," Allison switched her skates for shoes and proceeded to dry her skate blades. "And after losing my sister and my baby and now my skating partner, I think I'm entitled to have a shit ass practice once in a while, Janice."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"It was no one's business. It was something I had to deal with on my own," she shook her head as she zipped up her bag. "I've got to get going, Janice. I'll see you on Thursday."

"And you wonder why no one but Neil would put up with you," she heard Janice mumble as she skated off the ice and into the dressing room.

"Think what you want," she muttered, turning the corner into the hallway.

Lo and behold, there he was. Standing in the middle of the hallway, just silently waiting.

Their eyes locked as Allison dropped her skate bag and ran into his arms. He lifted her off the floor as the first of many tears streamed down her face.

"You fool! You absolute fool!" she sobbed into his shoulder.

Setting her down, he cupped her face in his hands.

"I'd given you up for dead!" she sobbed again. Her hands ran over his shoulders, down his arms. "You're… you're really here. I'm not dreaming!"

"No Allison, you're not," he assured her.

She closed the gap between them and kissed him softly.

"Don't you _ever _do that to me again," she whispered.

"I have no intention of doing so," he answered. "Have there been…"

"Never," she insisted. "I love you, you git. Lord knows why, but I do."

"I believe I've heard that one before." He gave her a rare smile.

She let go of him and picked up her bag.

Looking him in the eye, she said the one thing she'd been desperate to say. "I want to go home."

Nodding, he waited as she gripped his arm. It was less than two minutes later that they were back in her apartment. Once he'd reappeared, the anxiety in the air immediately lifted.

She set her things down and pulled him in the door, locking it behind them. Kissing him once, her hand stayed upon his cheek.

"I want to know you won't leave me again," she whispered.

He nodded, bending to kiss her. Carrying her up the stairs, he laid her down and very gently undid the top button on her shirt.

"I'm not leaving you," he whispered, covering her body with his own. "Not tonight."

**ooOoo**

Allison rolled over and found it very difficult to move. She could hear Severus' gentle panting beside her, his back covered in a thin layer of sweat.

"There are no words to describe how wonderful that was," she told him, her eyes misting over.

"Shh," he turned over and ran a hand over her cheek, catching a tear with his thumb.

She placed a feathery kiss on his shoulder. "You have no idea how scared I was," she continued. "I honestly thought you were dead."

"I had to leave you, Allison," his head fell back on the pillow. "I needed to understand what Lestrange and Greyback wanted."

"That's all very well, but did you have to lead me on?"

"It was all I could do to keep myself from you," he admitted. "I spent over a week in the Shrieking Shack, keeping a low profile, until I could ascertain where Lestrange and Greyback had gone."

"The entire wizarding world believes you dead," she told him.

"So much the better for me," he nodded. "If I'm thought dead it gives me an advantage."

"How so?" Allison propped herself up on her elbow.

"Lestrange and Greyback have no reason to fear that I will come after them," Severus stroked her cheek. "They were never the most intelligent of the Death Eaters, and if I know their way of thinking, they will have let down their defences."

"Giving you the opportunity to strike," she raised an eyebrow. "Perfect, I'm sleeping with a dead man." She reached behind her head and grabbed her pillow. Swatting him in the face, she got out of bed and pulled her robe on. "I'm gonna go put some tea on. Want some?"

It was amazing how quickly she could vanish from a room.

Removing the pillow and placing it on the bed beside him, he sighed, forcing himself up and into the shower. The hot water was a welcome retreat from his thoughts. Thoughts he had managed to keep hidden from Lestrange and Greyback for years. Of course, those two had neither the time nor the capacity to attempt Legilimency. But now… now things were changing.

He had begun to feel much more vulnerable. Never before had he felt so unprotected. Not from his line of work or the…filth he'd been forced to surround himself with…

From Allison.

She had been waiting too long for him to continue the charade. While it was true he'd never love her as he had Lily, she needed to know that he loved her of his own violation. It had not yet come to a point where he could freely bring himself to say it, yet she had to know.

Shutting off the water and dressing quickly, he descended the stairs to find Allison drying her eyes and throwing the tissue into the garbage can.

She crossed back to the cabinet by the stove and reached to grab the box of tea. Placing a tea bag into the pot, she wiped her eye on her sleeve.

"Allison?"

Allison turned to look at him. "Oh."

"What is troubling you?"

She shook her head. "I'm alright," she answered.

"I would be considered a horrible bedfellow if I simply ignored the fact that you're shedding tears so soon after we were together," he cupped her face. "What is it?"

"It's nothing," she insisted. "I'm not really upset. It's just, after not seeing you for four months and now the fact that you're actually here, it's such an emotional roller coaster ride."

He nodded.

"And of all the things I thought I'd be doing with my life at this very moment, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going or who I'm supposed to be meeting or where I'm supposed to find work or…"

"Allison, you're babbling," he placed his hands on her shoulders. "Sex is emotional, and I can only assume that the tears are a response to what's transpired. You're learning to trust me, just as I am learning to trust you."

"I don't understand."

Severus wrapped his arms across her ribcage, holding her close, his chin resting on her shoulder.

"A year ago, what I am doing now would not have been possible," he whispered. "You're allowing me to hold you. When the Ministry forced us together we fought tooth and nail against any sort of contact."

"That's not quite how I remember it," she told him. "When I asked for the ring you held my hand, and before that when I'd been hexed you kissed my hand and bade me goodnight in the hospital wing."

"Yes, but what I meant was the mere fact that the emotional contact was forced," he kissed her temple. "Now, as we have grown, and have experienced life in a broader context, we are more willing to accept each other."

Allison turned in his arms and placed a finger against his mouth to silence him.

"What about Lestrange and Greyback?"

"Unfortunately, still on the run," Severus answered. "I have no way to track them as of yet."

"That reminds me," Allison pushed herself away and went into her living room. The mirror which had stood in the corner a year before (though he could distinctly remember it had been splattered with paint the first time he'd laid eyes on it), stood there still. He waited as she reached behind the frame and put something into her pocket. "This is yours."

He watched as she laid the broken pieces of his wand in the palm of her hand. They were merely bits of wood now, useless and beyond any means of repair.

"There is nothing I can do with a broken wand."

"I know," she answered. "But at least you have it back."

"Of all things, you kept my broken wand?" he took the pieces from her.

"I guess it gave me hope," she shrugged. "There was always something telling me that I couldn't give up on you. Dumbledore even brought me some of your things from Spinner's End. The place is decrepit now, though I'm sure you have no desire to return. The magic that kept things in order during your semesters at Hogwarts must have died."

"So much the better," his tone had momentarily turned to acid.

"I'm sorry."

"Whatever for?"

"The fact that I'm an easy target," she went back up the stairs to the kitchen, leaving him to race after her.


	34. First Time

**CarlyJo: Well we can't have that, can we? Wouldn't want you confused for too much longer. There are a lot of things that they need to work out, and no smacking Severus! We get a bit of a glimpse into what he was doing, but there's a lot that still needs to be explored.**

**And to those who lurk, feel free to leave a review, the door is always open.**

**A/N: This chapter is currently unbeta'd, so any mistakes are mine.**

**ooOoo**

_We're both looking for something, we've been afraid to find. It's easier to be broken, it's easier to hide. Looking at you, holding my breath, for once in my life, I'm scared to death, I'm taking a chance, letting you inside. We're feeling alive all over again, as deep as the sky that's under my skin, like being in love, she said for the first time_

_First Time- Lifehouse_

**ooOoo**

Severus immediately followed. She had not needed to apologize; she knew she was not an easy target. She was one of the strongest women he knew. If she could have fought off the same Death Eater three times, she was a tough opponent.

He opened the bathroom door to find her drying her eyes.

"Why the tears?"

"I'm not angry or upset," she answered. "I'm just not used to this."

"To what?"

"To us," she shook her head. "You, me, us, a relationship."

He shook his head once.

"I know I was pushing it in the beginning because nothing was happening and now that it is its hit me so fast I don't know what we're doing or where its going or if this is even safe for us anymore…"

Turning her around by the shoulders, he placed a finger to her lips to silence her. "You're babbling again," he pressed his forehead to hers, bending to accommodate her. "Listen to me very carefully, Allison. You forget that you aren't even eighteen."

"I'm not a child!" she insisted.

"That's not what I meant," his eyes locked with hers. "After all you've been through, I'm surprised this hasn't happened sooner. You're frightened, I understand," he ran his thumb over her cheek, catching a stray tear. "There's nothing wrong with being frightened of something this powerful."

"But…"

"This is uncharted territory," he continued. "You are an extremely intelligent young woman, Allison. Whatever I can do to help you understand that you are not weak, I will do. Just think things through."

"Do you love me?"

Severus was silent. His eyes reflected compassion, a smile hidden beneath emotion she so rarely saw in him.

"I know you do," she nodded, pulling herself together. "I'm sorry Severus."

"You know you are not an easy target," he told her, letting go and stepping out of the bathroom. "You've thrice defied Rabastan Lestrange, twice with Fenrir Greyback. There are very few, if any, who can boast the same."

"I know," she acknowledged. "I suppose I just needed to hear it."

"Yes, I think you did." He took her in his arms. "I will not ask you to fight them, for this is no longer about you. They do not want you as they want me."

"What did you do to piss them off?"

"You're forgetting that I was once a Death Eater," he answered. "The Mark has faded, as you know, but fanatics such as Lestrange and Greyback believe they can resurrect the Death Eaters on a whim and a string of murders."

"I can't be the only one they've come after."

"Certainly one of the most pursued," he answered. "But you're right, you're not the only one."

"What do they want with me?"

"It doesn't take a genius to figure that out."

"Thank you, o sarcastic one," she rolled her eyes. "What I meant was, even if I am Muggle-born, why have they chosen to target me?"

"As I said, Allison, it is no longer a question of targeting you. They want me, as they've said, and they will use you to get to me."

"Then maybe…"

He took a hold of her chin. "What is it?"

"What are we doing?" she shook her head. "I don't want to lose you again. You were gone for four months…"

"I know."

"Well of course you know, but that doesn't make it any easier!" she could feel her blood boiling. "For four months I thought you were dead!" she moved down the stairs into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, she grabbed the water pitcher and went in search of a glass. Pouring herself just enough, she slammed the pitcher down on the counter and managed a gulp of water with shaking hands. "The only thing that's worse than being left behind is not knowing if that someone, whom you love and care for a great deal, is dead!"

"It is stretched both ways, Allison," he gently guided her shaking hand to the counter, catching the glass before it fell. "I could not track Lestrange and Greyback, and had no way of contacting you. How was I to know if you were safe?"

"I was on the ice five hours a day," she countered. "At any time there were at least twenty people around. I was safe enough, though most days it was all I could do to drag myself there."

"Forgive me, Allison, it was not my intention to scare you."

"But it was your intention to fake your death?" Allison replaced the water pitcher and closed the fridge.

"It was the only way I'd be able to track them without the Ministry intervening."

"Oh yes, because the Ministry is so strapped for things to occupy themselves that they go tearing after an innocent man."

"Your sarcastic wit has never failed to amuse me," he reached for her and kissed her forehead. "You're also forgetting the Sirius Black case."

"This is _not_ the same thing!" she was losing her temper. "Black was in Azkaban… wait a minute, what? You didn't even _like_ the man. You positively _loathed _the fact that he existed!"

"We have established that fact repeatedly, Allison. Bar none, I will not dispute the fact that I've hurt you," he acknowledged, eager to change the subject. "In more ways then I could possibly imagine."

"The heart of a fool is in his mouth," she muttered.

"But the mouth of a wise man is in his heart," he remarked.

Turning, she couldn't help but stare at him.

"Do you even know where that comes from?"

"It is a quote by Benjamin Franklin, is it not?" he remarked, taking her hand. Leading her from the kitchen, they opened the front door and stepped outside.

"Yes, but…" she was utterly amazed. There was something in his demeanor that had changed so suddenly. His eyes seemed as though they were smiling; she had not seen that look earlier. In fact, it had been relief. Relief and ecstasy in the throws of passion, she quietly remarked. "How did you know?"

"A wise old hermit once told me," he remarked.

Laughing, she sat on the front steps. "You're not serious, are you?"

"When have I ever been anything but serious?"

"Just then," the smile still hadn't faded. "Seriously, where did you learn that Ben Franklin quote?"

"From your father."

She blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"Your father said it to me when you first asked me to come with you to speak to your parents. As I recall it didn't go very well."

"No it didn't."

"As it were, while you and your mother were battling it out upstairs, and you left the house, your father mentioned that love comes in many different forms."

She raised an eyebrow. "I find that hard to believe," she admitted.

"I thought you might, considering how strained your relationship was at the time," he agreed. "However, he still cared for you a great deal. He implored that if this marriage law was indeed in place, and there was no way to reverse it, then we, as human beings, ought to make the best of it."

"That doesn't sound like my father at all," she mused. "Are you sure he wasn't under the Imperious Curse?"

"Imperious Curses do not manifest themselves in such ways," Severus told her. "It is a Unforgiveable Curse, meant to destroy lives and harm people. One under such a curse would not suggest what your father did."

She was still scratching her head. "He honest to Merlin suggested that we make the best of it?"

"Yes he did."

"He never said anything of the sort to me," Allison hung her head slightly, pushing her hair back from over her eyes. "I wonder why that is."

"Some men have a hard time articulating such things." Severus answered. "Perhaps it was so difficult because the two of you were both blind."

Her smile faded. "I hope you meant that in a metaphorical sense."

"That was in no way intended as an insult to your father, I have not forgotten that he is blind," his tone was even and sincere. "When one holds a grudge, it blinds one to the possibility of reconciliation."

"Bit rich coming from you."

"These circumstances are entirely different."

"Um, no… no they're not," she tapped her temple, skewing her voice. "There's a reason I've refused any sort of communication with my parents. You know why, and I do not want to go into it again. It's too painful."

"Fair enough," Severus answered, looking up to see a young man walking up the pathway.

"You Allison McCormack?" he addressed her gruffly.

"Yes. Can I help you?" she stood up.

"This here's for you," he handed her a small envelope, tipped his hat, and went off in the opposite direction.

Tilting her head and eyeing Severus as she sat down again, maneuvering her thumb to open the letter. Unfolding it, she shook her head and clicked her tongue once.

"Bad things come in threes, they say," she thrust the letter into Severus' hands and curled into a ball, letting her head drop into her lap.

Severus' brow furrowed as he read the two- line letter.

_Your father passed away at 2:30 this morning. Funeral to be held next Friday night. Will see you there. Write back soon as you get this._

_Mother._


	35. Big Machine

**grumpirah: Yes it was, but it really shows the type of person Allison's mum really is. She's not very nice at all, but you'll see even more soon. Thank you for the review**

**CarlyJo: I don't think you'll be wanting to slap Severus after this chapter, because I think you'll like what he does for Allison. Still on pins and needles?**

**A/N: This chapter is currently unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine, and I am very sorry for the lack of updates. It was my university exam period, so it took a little while. I hope you enjoy it, and feel free to leave a review, the door is always open.  
**

**ooOoo**

_Still in love with all your sins, where you stop and I begin, and I… I'll be waiting. Living like a house on fire, what you feel is your desire, it's hard to deal, I still love the way you feel. Now this angry little girl, drowning in this petty world and I'll… be who you run to. _

_Big Machine- Goo Goo Dolls_

**ooOoo**

"Well, that puts a damper on things…" Allison stood up and went back into the house. Closing the door behind her, she made her way into the bathroom and lowered herself into the empty tub.

"I wonder how many tiles are actually on this wall…" she mused. "Never really counted."

A soft knock permeated the silence in which she had found herself. Severus stepped through the door and stood near the sink.

"Allison…"

"Shh…" she put a finger to her lips to silence him. "I'm counting tiles," she tilted her head back against the wall.

"I see…" he noticed her eyes darting from side to side. "Then tell me, how long do you intend to stay in the bathtub?"

"I don't know," she turned her head to look at him. "Long as it takes to count each of them once, I guess." She pulled herself up and settled back into her previous position.

"None of this is your fault," he told her. "Sitting in an empty bathtub will not solve anything."

"Well then you can go away if it doesn't interest you." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Allison, I don't want to fight with you, that accomplishes nothing," he shook his head. Bending down, he gently moved his hands under the hem of her shirt, he lifted said garment over her head and laid it on the floor.

"But…"

"Sweetheart, it's just a bath. Relax…" His hand went in circles over her bare skin. His touch was gentle, calming, and admittedly soft. Allison felt her eyes close as she let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding.

"I should probably take my trousers off," she whispered, staring at her legs.

"That would be a good idea," Severus retrieved a sponge from the cabinet and set it on the side of the bathtub. "Do you need my help?"

She nodded.

"Alright then, bend your knees," he waited until she responded. It was long before he'd undone the zipper and pulled her trousers down her legs and off, revealing a pair of blue pants. The discarded trousers soon joined her shirt on the floor.

Sitting still, Severus pulled the tap, allowing the water to flow into the tub. Sticking the sponge under the warm water, his other hand pressed against her back, willing her to sit up. She said nothing, did nothing but stare at the tiles on the wall.

Almost as soon as he pressed the sponge to her bare back, he felt her relax.

"There we go," he whispered to her, leaning forward and kissing her temple. Her shoulders slumped as she leaned into his chest. "That's it, sweetheart, just relax."

He shut the water off and continued moving the sponge across her back and over her shoulders.

"Sixty -seven… sixty -eight… sixty -nine…" her voice was barely audible.

"Allison, look at me…"

"Seventy… seventy-one… seventy- two… seventy-three…"

Sticking a hand into the water, he flicked it, the liquid hitting her on the nose.

"What?" she turned her head to look at him, dazed. She brought a hand to her forehead. "What did you splash me for?"

He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her shoulders. Taking her hand, he helped her out of the bath and walked with her into the bedroom.

"Just lie down for a bit, Allison."

"The sheets will get soaked!"

"That's what spare sheets are for. You're in shock and you need to rest."

"Okay…" she laid down and turned on her side, still wrapped in the towel. The sob that came next shocked him. Pain and grief mixed with the realization that her father was never coming back.

"Why did he leave me?" she sobbed, curling into a ball. "What did I do wrong?"

Severus crawled on to the bed beside her. "You did nothing wrong. If it was his time, it was his time."

"But he wasn't old at all!" the sobs were turning into hiccups. "He was barely fifty-five. Aside from being blind when we saw him he didn't look sick."

"There are many things that can happen in a year, surely you know that."

"That's not helping!" she sobbed again. "I wanted so badly to tell him how sorry I was for disappointing him… he didn't deserve what I did…"

"What did you do?"

"When I got pregnant and they told me they wanted nothing more to do with me… I broke his heart, Severus. Everything I'd ever done was a disappointment. I thought…"

"I never again want to hear those words leave your mouth," he scolded her, pulling her closer to him. "You were never a disappointment to him. It very much hurt him to cast you out."

"How would you know that?"

"When we met to discuss the deplorable situation in which we'd found ourselves," he answered. "Your father spoke of nothing but the dreams and aspirations he had for you, whether you were to be married or not."

"He yelled at me when I told him about the ring."

"I was under the impression that he didn't have the entire story."

"That, and I think perhaps he thought you were my baby's biological father."

"Assumed is a more appropriate word," Severus answered. "I did not explain the full story, that wasn't my story to tell."

"Well then what did you tell him?"

"What I knew to be the truth," Severus pulled another blanket from the foot of the bed and placed it over the two of them. "That I would try my damnedest to protect you, that if this ever worked the way the Ministry was convinced it would, I would try my best to love you and treat the way you deserved to be."

She rolled over to face him. "You really said that?"

"Yes," he assured her. "I couldn't express that to you, simply because it was one of the most difficult things to say."

"You're such a sentimental bastard," she grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. He caught it easily, and discarded it just before she was able to land her fist into his chest.

"I want him back!" she shouted. "I don't want to feel anything anymore! This is too much for one person to take! Why does it have to be me? What did I do to deserve this?!"

He shook his head. "I only wish I had the answer."

"That's all I want!" she cried again. "Just give me answers!"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"No one has the answers to questions like that, sweetheart," Severus told her. "There aren't any answers. Might as well ask why the Ministry thought it prudent to match a seventeen- year- old Gryffindor with a crotchety Potions Master."

"I don't think you're crotchety."

"Thank you Allison," there was definitely sincerity in his voice. "And you did nothing to deserve what has happened to you. There is nothing a human being could do to warrant such things."

She was quiet, her shoulders heaving gently as she attempted to calm herself down.

"I named my baby for him," she admitted, sitting up and taking another deep breath. Severus had followed suit, sitting with his arm now around her shoulder.

"Say that again?"

"Well you… you know about…"

"Yes, I know about Jonathon," he answered. "And what about him?"

"I named Jonathon for my father," she explained, a tear flowing down her cheek. "I figured if nothing good came of the pregnancy and all the fallout that would come from said abomination, my mum's words, not mine, at least the baby would at least have a good, strong name to live with."

"I agree, you chose a very handsome name, but… isn't your father's name Paul?"

"His full name was Jonathon Paul McCormack…" Allison had turned over to face him. "He hated the spelling and the way it flowed together, so everyone called him Paul."

"That's reasonable."

"It's just…" she whispered. "Oh Severus, I miss him so much!"

"I know, my darling," he kissed her forehead. "I know."

Just hearing the compassion in his voice was enough to render her speechless, if only for a moment. A moment such as this one was extremely rare. She doubted she could remember any other time he had been so tender and loving toward her.

Well that wasn't entirely true, she reflected quietly. When he'd first made love to her he'd been careful and gentle, trying not to hurt her, and he hadn't. In fact, she'd never experienced anything so exquisite. And after Neil had died he sat on her kitchen floor and held her, even as she screamed and cried and hurled obscenities at him. Anyone else would have abandoned her…

But Severus had saved her.

She felt the warmth from his body as he held her tightly.

"When did your mother say the funeral was?"

"This Friday coming up," she answered, resting her head on his shoulder. "Which doesn't make any sense."

"How so?"

"My dad never wanted a big funeral," she explained. "Before I left home he told me he wanted a simple little memorial service with me, Mum, and perhaps a few other people. Just for us to get up, say a few nice words, and that's it. No big church-like deal where people are crying and everyone's wearing black and all this. There's enough death and sadness and tears everywhere we look, he said that all the time. He believed that a celebration of life was always the better option."

"Far be it for me to force you to attend something you don't believe is right."

"He was my father, Severus. I have to be there." Allison moved to the edge of the bed and made her way across the room. "Whether or not we fell out doesn't mean that I wasn't still his daughter. What kind of person would I be if I didn't put aside my pride and say goodbye?"

"That's a good way of looking at it," he agreed. "Will you be needing me?"

"I'll always need you," she whispered. "But I think I'll be doing it on my own."

He nodded.

"If nothing else, this is for closure," Allison made her way back to the bed. She'd been pacing back and forth across the room. "I need to say goodbye to him. Even if I'm just there for a few minutes, I need to do this…"

"Yes of course," he got her to lie down again.

"Severus?" she turned her head toward him. "Would you just hold me?"

He nodded, saying nothing as she relaxed into the mattress and closed her eyes.


	36. Alone in the Universe

**CarlyJo: Oh good, I'm so glad. Enjoy this next chapter, and thank you for the review**

**g: Just wait and see, my friend, wait and see**

**All The Pretty Horses: My condolences, I'm so very sorry to hear that. I hope things are a little brighter for you, because you're right, it's difficult whether you know or not. Thank you for sharing that with me, and if you need to talk, send me a PM**

**The Queen of Confusion: Here is more, enjoy!**

**loretta537: You touched on all the things that the Ministry of Magic didn't take into account. Unfortunately, if that was all included in the story, then there would be no controversy, and thus there would be no story. I appreciate that you took so many things into account and took the time to look for these things, and I will try to incorporate some into the story. Thank you for the review.**

**valabo: I have no idea how long the story will be. It will finish when the characters tell me it's time to wrap it up. Thank you for the review.**

**A/N: This chapter is currently unbeat'd, so all mistakes are mine, and feel free to leave a review, the door is always open**

**ooOoo**

_I know you can feel it, you're already there, asleep underwater, just screaming for air, I know you can feel it, you're already… don't you know we're freaks and creatures, wake up I can almost see the light. I think we're alone here, you and I, I think we're alone and wondering why, I think we're alone here, you and I. I think we're alone, in the universe tonight._

_Alone in the Universe- David Usher_

**ooOoo**

Allison bade Severus goodbye the following Friday, and walked toward the church. She swallowed nervously as she pushed on the doors and stepped inside.

There were garish bouquets of flowers adorning the altar, and family photos on the steps. Other than the fact that the flowers seemed to make a mockery of her father, it wasn't half bad.

Excepting the fact, of course, that her mother had completely disregarded her father's wishes and gone full out on a funeral that meant nothing to either of them. The pews were practically empty, with really did nothing but show just how alone her family was. She couldn't see any of her aunts and uncles on her father's side, and no one on her mother's side would have shown up, she knew that much.

"Oh Dad…" she whispered to herself. "You deserve so much more than this."

It was then that she felt someone's hand on her shoulder. She wasn't sure who it was, the only person she didn't wish to see at that point was her mother. Jorja had been absolutely horrible to her for years, and to see her father being laid to rest in this barrage of flowers and a priest and all sorts of things that he'd never approved of or even talked about made Allison sick.

As disgusting as she found the whole thing, Allison would bite her tongue. She'd play nice with her mother, pay tribute to her dad, and then they would both get on with their lives. Allison would go back to Severus and continue to rebuild her life with his support, and she could care less about what Jorja decided to do. For all she knew Jorja was perfectly content to let her father go without so much as a goodbye, thanks for being a good man.

"Allison…"

Of all people, it had to be her.

"Yes Jorja?"

The response had nearly rendered her mother speechless.

"Don't call me that, I'm your mother, I deserve some respect."

She could feel her fists clench as she turned to look Jorja in the eye. The sight of her mother dressed in black with a false look of sadness in her eyes was enough to make her wretch.

"No you're not," Allison countered. "You haven't been my mother for a very long time. No, let me finish…" she held up a hand to silence her mother's protests. "Just because you gave birth to me does not make you my mother. Anyone could get pregnant and give birth, but it takes a very special kind of woman to be a Mom. You're not that kind of woman."

Jorja's mouth dropped open. "How… you dare…"

"Yes, I dare…" she answered. "Look around, Jorja. You know as well as I do that Dad didn't want this, yet here you are, putting on this big show as though you actually loved the man!"

"I did love your father!" Jorja protested. "How dare you insinuate that I did not?"

"Oh please…" Allison shook her head. "When have you ever uttered the words I love you?" Allison leaned forward, locking eyes with the woman. "I don't believe I ever heard it."

"Oh but you did," Jorja insisted. "Many times. You just don't remember it."

"And isn't that just sad?" Allison crossed her arms over her chest. "It's a basic need! Every human being wants to know that they are capable of love, and that they are loved in return. Love may be complex, but it's the one thing that every single human being wants!"

"Don't…" Jorja shook her head. "Don't you dare start with your philosophical bullshit. We're here to honour your father, not to fight with each other."

"Don't tell me that that's not what you want," Allison was biting her lip. "All my life that's what you've wanted. If you care so much about our family, why did you cast me out when I needed you most? What had I done that was so unholy?"

"That abomination of a pregnancy."

"That's it? That's all I'd done?" she let out a shallow, quick laugh. "I already told you, that was not my fault, and I make no apologies for something that was unavoidable."

"And there was the matter of Noelle's death. You know that was your fault, yet to this day you take no responsibility, just like everything you've ever done with yourself."

"Oh come on!" she was close to shouting. "Her death was an accident. There _is _such a word. Say it with me, Jorja, AC-CI-DENT!" It was then she stopped, considering Jorja's words. "And you must be joking! I paid for _everything. _My apartment, my skating lessons, Janice's coaching fees, my school fees, _everything. _You have some nerve, telling me I don't take responsibility!" Allison gripped her wrist, willing herself to keep a cool head. "I was willing to marry a man over twenty years old than me, whom I wasn't in love with simply so I could protect you and Dad. I don't take responsibility, my ass! You know what?" she stopped for barely a beat. "I don't ever want to see you again, bitch. Go to hell."

And with that, Allison walked out of the church with her head held high, never to look back.

**ooOoo**

She walked back to her apartment, her fists clenched and her jaw set so squarely her teeth chattered with the pressure. Opening the door, she slammed it close behind her as she kicked off her shoes.

The sound of shoes banging against walls and doors slamming closed were no surprise to Severus. It was barely eight o'clock in the evening. Something had definitely gone wrong, he could feel it.

"I can't believe her! Nothing I've ever done has been good enough, and now here she is, accusing me of being an irresponsible whore! Blaming me for everything, what the hell is her fucking problem?"

"Such ghastly language is not becoming of you." Severus came into the front hallway, locking the door behind her.

"I don't fucking care right now, Severus!" she snapped, throwing her jacket against the hallway table. "She could die tomorrow and I wouldn't bat an eyelash. I wouldn't go to her funeral, that's for damn sure."

Sliding down to the floor, she braced her back against the wall, Severus following suit. "It's not my fault that this happened. Noelle dying was not my fault, my pregnancy was not my fault. She'd never believe me if I told her it was Rabastan Lestrange."

Severus wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"Nothing I've ever done has been good enough. I've always felt like a freak, I never once felt right!"

"You are not a freak," he insisted, speaking slowly in the hope that the words would register. "You've been through more in the past two months than any human being deserves to be put through in their entire lifetime."

She drew in a breath, trying to calm herself.

"You were registered for Hogwarts at birth, Allison. It's not something you chose. You were born a witch, and that's the way it is. You can't get rid of it, and she can't acquire it. That's why Hogwarts was founded, to help people understand and control their magic."

"You sound like a school pamphlet," she rubbed her eye. "You know, I was wrong."

"About what?"

"I really did need you there tonight," she answered. "I needed you but I was too stubborn to admit it."

"It seems both of us have that problem," he answered.

"That's us, we're just stubborn."

Severus unwound himself and got up. He extended his hand and helped her off the floor.

"Could you boil some water?" she went upstairs and closed the bathroom door. She knelt down by the toilet, just waiting for the sick to come up.

And come up it did. It was as though every single thing she'd ever eaten was coming back up and taking her stomach with them. They'd only just had sex a few days ago, there was no way she was pregnant. Perhaps this was just a reaction to what had happened. She'd basically walked out of her father's funeral declaring she never wanted to see her mother again, and that was enough to wreck havoc on anyone's stomach.

What else could she do though? With Lestrange and Greyback still after her, it was worse than she thought. Severus wouldn't always be there to protect her, as much as he tried, and in reality she knew she couldn't use him as a crutch. She needed to brush up on her dueling skills. She'd never bothered with that horrid attempt at a school dueling club when she was in third year, especially with that egotistical maniac Gilderoy Lockheart at the helm. Since then she'd never seen a need for it, but then again she'd never had Death Eaters attempt to kill her so many times.

Taking a deep breath and forcing herself to the sink, she washed her mouth out and went down the stairs. Severus was waiting in the kitchen, just pouring water over a tea bag.

"Are you feeling alright? I heard you retching."

"Mm-hmm," she nodded. "I'm fine. I think I ate too much earlier."

"That's odd, because I didn't see you eat anything."

"I stopped in the bakery and picked up a bagel on my way home," she lied. The fact of the matter was that she hadn't eaten anything, she couldn't figure out why she'd needed to be sick.

He nodded, a smirk generating in the corner of his mouth. "You're a terrible liar."

"At certain times, yes," she could not argue with him on that point. "I don't know why I was feeling the need to bring up everything I've eaten in the last few days, sometimes it just happens."

She took the mug of tea from him and sat down at the kitchen table. The steam curled from the mug and dissipated in the air.

"Last I checked there were no answers in the steam from tea."

"Now you're getting into Trelawney's territory, stay out of there. I'd think you were huffing fumes."

"What a disgusting accusation," he answered, attempting to suppress a smirk. "The woman's a fraud, and everyone in the school knows it."

Allison sipped at her tea, blowing over the top to cool it down. "I heard she was the one who uttered the Prophecy."

She saw him freeze, his eyes closed as he hung his head. That damn Prophecy and its consequences would haunt him for the rest of his life. The fact that he'd led to Lily Potter to her death would haunt him forever. After the whole Mudblood fiasco, he'd never heard the words he needed so desperately. He needed her forgiveness, and he'd never heard it.

"Yes, yes that's true. We already spoke about it, when you first introduced quid pro quo into our relationship."

"Oh…" she turned her head in thought. "Oh, you mean that night by the lake, yeah, now I remember." She could almost see it in her mind's eye, he'd grabbed her hand that night, and asked her to stay, even if it was just to watch the water. "What did we talk about that night?"

"I think that was when we were all taking the Marriage Law word for word, and you wanted to know more about me. I think you said "If you can't tell me something about yourself, how can I trust you? It's impossible to do it blindly." And that was the night I told you about the Prophecy. As I remember you knew about Lily, but you didn't know what had led to her death."

"Okay, well now it makes sense," she got up and brought her mug to the sink. "Considering the type of people we were then and the people we are now, we've both changed."

"Of course we have," he answered, though he wasn't quite sure where the conversation was going. Usually Allison was calm and composed, but now he could barely understand what she was talking about. "Allison, what happened?"

"What do you mean 'what happened?' I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

He gave her a stern look.

"That look won't work on me, _Professor_," she chuckled, setting her mug in the sink. "Perhaps it did when I was twelve, but not now."

"Allison, come on," he exhaled sharply. "I didn't think I'd be seeing you for at least 2 hours, you arrive back an hour early, cursing a blue streak and in tears, then you run to the bathroom claiming you're about to be sick."

"I don't know."

"Yes you do," he pulled her to him in an effort to comfort her. "I'm a Professor, darling. I know when someone's lying. It's all in your body language. What did she say?"

Allison titled her head, looking him in the eye. She could no longer keep a straight face, her eyes welling with fresh tears.

"Please don't make me tell you…" her voice was so small it was difficult to hear her. "Please don't Severus… it…" she let out a sob. "It hurts too much!"

He nodded. "Another time then."

"No, I don't want to talk about it," Allison insisted. "It's not worth talking about. It happened, that's all you need to know."

"_What_ happened?" he walked with her into the living room and sat her down on the couch. Immediately she dropped her head into her hands. "I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."

"I don't want your help!" she shouted, unable to hold it in any longer. "Not right now! I just want to be alone. I can't do this anymore, I can't…"

He shook his head, whispered her name, and bent to carry her up the stairs. Reaching her room, he deposited her on the bed. He pulled the blanket over her and made his way to the door.

"You can't fight anymore is what you mean," he whispered. He closed the door and headed down the stairs to the living room once again. Reaching into his pocket, he threw a handful of Floo Powder into the fireplace and was almost instantaneously transported right into the office of Albus Dumbledore.


	37. Here's to the Night

**grumpirah: The rant at Jorja was needed, and I shall make sure that we don't see too much of that anymore. Thanks for the review**

**All The Pretty Horses: I sent you a PM, and I hope things are looking up. What he went to see Dumbledore for is revealed in this chapter. Thank you for the review**

**ladychris07: Thank you, and here is more**

**ShiningGalaxy: Here is more for you, and I'm glad you enjoy it so much**

**Live Laugh Love Potter: All those reviews, my God! (is very shocked and happy) I'm so glad you love this story so much, and thank you so much.**

**Lyra Waterflame:Yes yes you can have more. Thank you for the review**

**A/N: Currently unbeta'd, so all mistakes are more. I wanted to get this chapter out so you wouldn't be waiting for much longer. I'd like to thank you all for making Into the Night such a success, and to those who lurk, feel free to leave a review, the door is always open. **

**ooOoo**

_Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well. Here's to the nights we felt alive, here's to the tears you knew you'd cry, here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon. All my time is frozen motion, can't I stay an hour or two or more, don't let me let you go. Don't let me let you go._

_Here's to the Night- Eve 6_

**ooOoo**

Allison awoke, rubbing sleep out of her eyes and getting out of bed as quickly as was possible. She'd completely forgotten, in all the mess and confusion of what had happened to her father, that she was expected on the ice later that morning. Janice had put aside time for a lesson, and for her to do her program a few more times.

She grabbed her skate bag and clothes, riding her bike to the arena.

"Morning, Allison," Janice called, making her way toward the coaches' dressing room.

"Morning Janice," she called back, pushing on the other door and sitting down on the bench. As soon as she laced up her skates and grabbed her music, she began working her blades into the ice and stroking. There were certain patterns she had had to follow in order to pass her tests, and it never hurt to go back to the basics.

"How do those blades feel?" Janice called as she stepped on to the ice.

"They're okay, but I'm going to have to get them sharpened soon," Allison acknowledged. "Why? Do you see something wrong?"

"No, no. You just haven't been on the ice for a while, that's why I wondered."

"Oh, no, they're fine." Turning backward, she skated and turned forward again, jumping off her blades, only to come crashing down again.

"Now do you see why that happened?" Janice called as Allison picked herself up. "You didn't turn properly, and the blade on your right boot slipped, and that results in a wonky take off. Try again."

Three, four, five times later, still nothing.

"Janice, can we just not do anymore of these today? It's just not working."

"You have two of these in your program, you know."

"Yeah, but it's not a competitive piece. At least it's not _right now_. If I run through it, couldn't I downgrade those two jumps, just to get through it today?"

"If you do that, your body will get used to the downgraded jump, and more often than not you'll be using that one instead of the Axel."

"It's just not working for me this morning, though, and as I recall you wanted me to run through the program as well. Besides, I'm not competing right now, what's it matter if I don't do the Axel today, and it decides it's going to show itself some other day?"

Shaking her head and sighing, Janice agreed. She skated over to the boards, popped Allison's music into the CD player, and the beginning chords of _Man on the Moon_ by R.E.M. filled the arena.

"_Mott the Hoople and the Game of Life, yeah yeah yeah yeah. Andy Kaufman and the wrestling match, yeah yeah yeah yeah…"_

This was where Allison felt at home. She could lose herself in the music and not have to worry about anything else for the rest of the morning. She knew nothing would ever be the same again, but all in all, it was worth it.

She'd come to that dreaded jump… she knew she had to do it. She'd regret it if she didn't…

"Good girl!" she heard Janice shout over her music. "That's it!"

She finished and found herself lying on the ice. She'd done it, she could land that stupid jump, and at that point, that was all that mattered.

**ooOoo**

Albus Dumbledore entered the arena swiftly and quietly. No one could have heard him, he was sure of it. Looking over the ice, he saw none other than Allison McCormack pulling on a sweater and making her way toward the dressing room.

He followed, knocking on the door.

"Just a minute!" she called, sounding as though she were just packing the rest of her things away. Not thirty seconds later she opened the door. "If this is about…"

She stopped, her eyes open in surprise.

"Professor Dumbledore," she greeted him. "How can I help you?"

"Miss McCormack," he acknowledged. "I had been hoping to have a chat with you, but it seems you have a clever way of avoiding me."

"Not on purpose, I assure you," she answered. "Just let me finish up here and I'll be right with you."

Grabbing her things, she walked with her things into the corridor and stopped. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, no, not at present."

"Forgive me for asking, sir, but if there's nothing wrong, why did you see fit to meet me in a skating arena instead of summoning me to your office?"

"If I had done so, would you have headed my request?"

"Of course."

"Please do not lie to me, Miss McCormack, I have given you no reason to do so."

She hung her head. "No sir, you're right, I would not have. I would have said to hell with it and ignored it."

"My thoughts exactly," he answered. "Would you object to returning to Hogwarts at this point in time? I must admit it is quite chilly in here."

"Not at all, sir," Allison hoisted her bag further up on to her shoulder.

"Very well, if you'll grasp my arm…"

She nodded, and obliged, holding her breath until they arrived back in the Headmaster's office.

"Are you alright, Miss McCormack?"

"Yes sir," she coughed, wiping ash and soot from her sweater. "I still don't quite understand why you asked me to come to your office. Did I do something illegal?"

"Of course not," Dumbledore answered. "Professor Snape asked me to collect you."

"What?" Allison shook her head. "Why? Why didn't he just get me himself?"

"He doesn't believe he can protect you."

"Yes he can!" she sat down in the chair opposite Dumbledore's desk. "Severus Snape is the best person for the job. He's done more for me than any other person I've ever known. I still don't understand why he asked you to collect me from the arena. Where is he that he couldn't do it himself?"

"I'm right here, Allison," he answered, emerging from the corner.

She gasped, running and embracing him. "Explain this to me as though I'm five years old. What is going on?"

"I asked Professor Dumbledore to collect you."

"Yes, that much we know, but I don't understand why." She let go and stared at him. "The last thing I remember is falling asleep. When did you leave and why did you go to Professor Dumbledore?"

"Because you need help, Allison, and I cannot continue to help you. Not when Lestrange and Greyback are still after you."

"I…I…" she stuttered. "What do you mean? You can't continue to help me? You're not…"

"No," he told her, "I told you, never again. But Dumbledore can offer you a hiding place."

"Me? What about you?"

"I've told you time and time again, Allison, you don't need to worry about me."

"Yes I do!" she could barely control her voice. "You're one of the smartest men in the world but sometimes you're just so _stupid_!" She covered her eyes and turned away from him "Of course I worry about you, I love you! When you love someone, what happens to him or her is important! What happens to you is important to _me! _Stop telling me I don't need to worry!"

"Miss McCormack, calm yourself," Dumbledore interrupted. There was no need to raise his voice, though Allison was sure he had before. "Of course this is in no way ideal."

"Ideal? No, it's not ideal!" she struggled. "I've lost my father and my mother in the last four days, Professor. I've just started to piece my life back together; if it weren't for Severus I would've died. Is there any other way?"

"I'm afraid not," he answered. "This is not a permanent measure, Miss McCormack, it is only until Severus can track down Lestrange and Greyback."

"That could take years!" she shook her head. "They still want me, even if their focus has shifted. No matter how we look at this, Professor, they want us dead."

"I realize that, which is at the heart why Severus asked me to protect you."

Her eyes went wide at the implication.

"Is there any chance I could have a day or so to think about this, sir?"

"Certainly, but I'm afraid I can't give you any more time after that, Miss McCormack. They are moving quickly, and the sooner we hide you the better."

She nodded, and, taking her leave, walked out of Dumbledore's office and out into the school grounds. Once there, she turned, and saw no one following her.

_Excellent_, she thought. _The sooner I get out of here, the sooner I can go home and really think about what the hell I'm doing._

She flung herself outside the gates, and Disapparated before Severus knew where she had gone.

**ooOoo**

Reaching home once again, she flung open her door and went into the kitchen. She dropped her skate bag loudly on the floor and turned, only to find Severus standing in her way.

"If I might…"

She held up a hand, shaking her head twice. "No…" she went up the stairs and shut the door behind her.

He knew that to have something like this dropped on her again would no doubt make things even more difficult. He wanted to protect her, and to hide her was the only effective way he could think of. Judging from her state of mind the day before there was no way she could fight Lestrange and Greyback off on her own.

He could not bear to lose her. They had gone through too much for him to lose her the same way he had lost Lily.

Again, it always came back to Lily.

As much as he loved Allison, it would always come back to Lily.

No matter what he did, and no matter how much he willed it away, it would always come back to her.


	38. Hunting for Witches

**All the Pretty Horses: It's not going to take much longer at all. In fact, there's something new happening in regards to those two. I really hope things are getting a little better for you. Any time you need to talk, send me a PM**

**ShiningGalaxy: And she wants to protect him, and you're right, it is very sweet. Thank you for the review**

**Who dunit why I dunit: Keep Fluffy away from me! That beast needs to be locked up far far away. I'm so glad you love the story, and I hope you enjoy this chapter as well. Thank you very much.**

**Currently unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine.**

**ooOoo**

_The Daily Mail says the enemy's among us, taking our women and taking our jobs. The reasonable fool is being drained by the non-stop baying, baying, baying for blood. So I go hunting for witches, I go hunting for witches, heads are going to roll__**. **_

_Hunting for Witches- Bloc Party_

**ooOoo**

He opened the bedroom door about an hour later to find Allison face down on her desk. She'd had a file folder open, clearly labeled 'Hogwarts', and appeared to be holding a copy of her O.W.L results in her hands.

He gently pried the parchment from her hand, careful not to wake her.

**ORDINARY WIZARDING LEVEL RESULTS**

**Pass Grades: **

Outstanding (O)

Exceeds Expectations (E)

Acceptable (A)

**Fail Grades: **

Poor (P)

Dreadful (D)

Troll (T)

ALLISON MEREDITH MCCORMACK HAS ACHIEVED:

Astronomy: A

Charms: E

Defense Against the Dark Arts: A

Herbology: A

History of Magic: D

Potions: E

Transfiguration: A

Ancient Runes: P

Why would she be looking at these if they were over two years old? By the time she turned eighteen she'd nearly age out. Some of the students had returned to Hogwarts after the war to complete their N.E.W.T. levels for their seventh year, and by some he meant less than 20 percent. Out of all the dunderheads to return, the only noteworthy students had been Hermione Granger and perhaps Edward Flatley. Flatley had graduated at the same time Allison would have, and as much as he loathed the fact that he was still teaching some of the stupidest people he'd ever come across, he could not deny that both Granger and Flatley were exceptionally gifted. He'd never admit such a thing, even if it were true.

Setting in back on her desk, he went back out into the hallway and Disapparated.

He arrived back in Spinner's End to find what Allison had said what true. The magic he'd placed on it was indeed, dead. The place was falling apart, but it was still his home. He'd never been happy there, but he was not yet ready to move in with Allison, nor was she ready to move in with him. As much as he loved her, he could not bring himself to share his space with her in such a way.

Yes, they had progressed quite a bit in a little over a year, but they still had a lot of work to do. To know that he still could not leave Lily behind would completely destroy what he had with Allison. She had told him numerous times that he was all she had, and as much as he hated to admit it, the reverse was also true.

He then heard a distinct POP and felt Allison slip her hand into his.

"I told you it was in ruins," she whispered.

"I never doubted it, Allison," he answered, squeezing her hand.

She smiled.

"Why are you here?"

"You really need to ask me that question?" she chuckled. "I love you, and I thought you may need a little support when coming back here."

"I've never needed anyone."

"No one is supposed to go through life alone," she shook her head. "Everyone needs someone, no matter who they are."

He clenched his jaw.

"Let me tell you, when all this started…"

"Allison…"

"Let me finish," she cut him off. "No matter what, Severus, I came here because I love you." She stepped in front of him, not letting go of his hand. "I just… I need you to know that I love you."

"I know," he nodded. He pulled her back toward him. His arms wrapped around her, her head resting against his chest.

**ooOoo**

Allison curled into bed that night, exhausted. She knew she couldn't hide from Lestrange and Greyback. Sooner or later they'd find her, and if she resisted she'd never survive. It didn't matter that Severus was now their main target, they still wanted her dead.

She spent the night staring at the ceiling, not wanting to call on Severus so late at night and not able to clear her mind. By the time she closed her eyes, it was nearly 5 in the morning. Attempting to make a decision on a fuzzy head and an empty stomach was not usually recommended.

Severus would insist that she hide, but there was no way she could leave him to Lestrange and Greyback. They'd kill him for sure!

Once she'd gotten some tea and a few bites of toast and jam into her stomach, her head cleared. She knew for a fact that she wouldn't go into hiding; she did not know the meaning of the word hide. Her father had taught her that no matter what; she had the means to protect herself. Professor Dumbledore had given her two days to think over his request, and, in truth, she didn't need it.

A handsome tawny owl tapped on the kitchen window, breaking her concentration and turning her attention to something other than Death Eaters.

_Miss McCormack,_

_Would be kind enough to meet with me at Hogwarts today at 2:00pm? We have much to discuss._

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore._

_P.S. C__ockroach Clusters have a most delightful crunch_.

She shivered. Cockroach clusters were not necessarily the sweet she would've eaten on a regular basis, why he'd include that in a post-script…

Of course! That was the password to get past the stone gargoyle that guarded his office! Duh, wake up! She chided herself. Giving her head a shake, she hurriedly scribbled a response to Dumbledore and sent the owl on its way.

Two in the afternoon came far too quickly for her liking, as she Apparated to the Hogwarts gates, and was greeted by none other than Mr. Filch.

"Come on, The 'Eadmaster's told me to take you up. Let's go, I got too much to do to be chasing after you."

"Yes sir…" Allison rolled her eyes, listening to his random mumblings as they walked. It would take them less than ten minutes to make their way to Dumbledore's office, but what she didn't understand is why Professor Dumbledore had asked Mr. Filch to collect her at the gates when he didn't have any magical powers. How would the Hogwarts entrance gates open for him if he were not a wizard?

They entered the castle, Filch leaving her at the stone gargoyle that stood in front of Dumbledore's office.

"Now get up there and be quick about it," he turned and walked away, his moldy trench coat swinging behind him.

Whispering the password, the staircase revealed itself, allowing her access to Dumbledore's office. Knocking on the door, she waited for the door to open.

And with Dumbledore's soft 'Come in,' the door swung open to reveal Dumbledore sitting at his desk, calmly looking over a stack of school forms.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" she asked, closing the door behind her.

"Yes indeed, Miss McCormack," he turned, noticing she wasn't moving. "Come over here, child, you needn't be scared of me."

Allison cleared her throat and stepped toward the desk. She took a seat across from him, watching his eyes scan the form intently.

"I assume you've considered my offer?" he set the form down and leaned forward. She'd never noticed just how generous his eyes were.

"Yes I have, Professor, and as appealing as the offer is, with you offering to be Secret Keeper, I've decided I'm not going to take you up on your offer."

He nodded. "Can you explain why?"

"Well, if Lestrange and Greyback want Severus, I mean…"

"That's perfectly acceptable, Miss McCormack, he is, after all, your betrothed."

"Right," she cleared her throat. "If the Death Eaters want Severus, they want me as well. They were using me for bait the last time they got their hands on me. If he's going to fight them, I'll do the same. Despite everything, sir, I love him, and I want to protect him as much as he wants to protect me. Great, I'm babbling again…"

"No, Miss McCormack, you are not babbling. What you are saying is understandable. However, it is not the most reasonable decision on your part."

"I think we've all experienced love and passion that is not in any sense reasonable, Professor," she answered. "I can not resort to hiding while Severus is out there on his own. He disappeared for four months and I gave him up for dead. I can't bare to have that happen again."

"I fear he feels the same about you."

"Why is it something to be feared?" Allison leaned forward, resting her arms on Dumbledore's desk. "Why should someone be afraid to love?"

"I never insinuated that love should be feared, Allison," Dumbledore answered, using her given name for the first time. "In fact, I'm rather glad that you and Severus have learned to accept each other. He asked me if I could protect you…"

"A generous offer, Professor, but I'm going to decline," she repeated. "Hiding will not solve anything. I know Severus believes he should do it on his own, but if he does I could lose him again."

He nodded. "If you change your mind, Allison, I can still hide you, like I did for the Potters."

Allison's ears burned at the mention of the name 'Potter'.

"Fat lot of good that did them," she blurted, unable to stop herself.

Dumbledore glared at her.

"Right," she cleared her throat again, looking down at her feet in shame. "That was uncalled for, I'm sorry sir."

"Apology accepted," he answered, standing up and silently offering to walk her to the door. "There's nothing else to discuss, Allison, thank you for responding so promptly."

"Thank you, Professor."

"Good luck," he answered, closing the door behind her.

**ooOoo**

Once she had Apparated home, Allison trudged up the stairs to her room, threw open her door and bumped her hip on the desk, accidently spilling the contents of her Hogwarts folder on the floor.

Huffing, she bent down to her knees and gathered what she could into a pile. Dumping them unceremoniously back on to the desk, she massaged her temples, hoping for some sort of relief. She knew she'd need to tell Severus sooner or later, but at that point she was not ready to do so.

Severus would be furious at her for refusing Dumbledore's offer, but she was fully prepared to deal with him. What would it take for him to understand that she could not and would not leave him to track down Lestrange and Greyback on his own?

"What are you doing?" she asked herself, standing up and feeling the room spin. "Ooh, okay I stood up too fast," she shook her head and focused on the wall. Blinking a few times, she straightened herself up and made her way toward the kettle, turning the radio on as she went.

_London Bridge sustained another attack today as thousands of people made their way home. The mid-section of the structure itself was blown apart, leaving at least three cars dangling by their rear tires and about fifteen others careening into the water below. At least twenty are dead and another eight injured. Police have given no comments as to wh__at caused the explosion but reassured us that they will be launching a full investigation. This new attack comes just a little over a year after __a __statue__ of none other than our Prime Minister was found lying across three lanes of traffic, the head sawed off and a trail of blood leading toward the side of the bridge._

"Jesus, you really have to wonder about people today…" she muttered.

Just as the water boiled, there was a hard knock at the door.

Shrugging, she went to the door and opened it, finding Severus standing there.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he hissed through clenched teeth, stepping in the door.

"And a good afternoon to you too," she replied with a vein of sarcasm running through her voice. She shut the door and shook her head at him. "What are you on about?"

"You know very well what I'm talking about, Allison," he hissed.

She nodded and shrugged her shoulders.

_Un-fucking-believable_, he mused.

"What do you want me to say, Severus? You already know the answer."

His tight jaw clenched even tighter. "You would refuse Dumbledore's offer…"

"Come on now, is it really that difficult to believe?" she asked, stepping closer and placing her hand over his heart. "You knew I wouldn't accept the offer, and as soon as I heard it I knew the connotations behind it."

He raised his eyebrow.

"Did you stop to think that perhaps I could help you?" she continued. "I want to protect you as much as you want to protect me. Severus, if I lost you…"

He laid his hand over hers.

"Besides, things aren't so hopeless."

"What are you talking about?"

She went into the kitchen and came back with a copy of the Daily Prophet.

"Someone blew a portion of London Bridge apart this afternoon. I heard it about ten minutes ago, just before you knocked. I hadn't even looked at the paper yet, I just caught the headline now."

"And this will help us because…"

She unfolded the paper and shook it, revealing the entire front page.

His eyes went wide.


	39. Hitting the Ground

**All the Pretty Horses: I'm glad you liked the chapter, and I wouldn't say things are sunshine and roses better, but it sounds as though your grandfather isn't suffering anymore. Bad things come in threes, they say, and it sounds like you've had your three, and things will soon be looking up for you. You're in my thoughts, and enjoy this new chapter.**

**Live Laugh Love Potter: As it turns out the headline is only a small part of this chapter, but it's still incredibly important. Sarcasm and love is still love, they just happens to balance each other out, and that's one of the things I love about Allison and Severus. Thank you for the review**

**darlingsworld: I always strive for depth, it adds wonders to the storyline. Thank you for the review**

**ShiningGalaxy: If Allison weren't sarcastic from time to time she wouldn't be the Allison we know and love. They both need to learn to cool it, but they are fiercely protective of each other, and it all works in mysterious ways. Thank you for the review**

**The Queen of Confusion: That is a small but very important part of the chapter. Here is more for you, enjoy. **

**ooOoo**

_A thousand times, this light in my head has gone off. My devil said one won't hurt, maybe two or three, it feels good, flying through the trees. Do you hear that sound? It's me hitting the ground. Do you feel that sound? I'm lost, I need to be found._

_Hitting the Ground- Ben Broussard_

**ooOoo**

"I told you…" she smiled. "I told you, at one point they'd make a mistake, and their brains are so addled by Dark Magic I knew it had to happen sooner or later."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's right there," she answered, pointing to the headline, which took up almost an eighth of the page. "What were you looking at?"

"Your hip."

"My hip? What's the matter with my hip?"

"It's bruised."

"Uh huh," she lifted her shirt and looked down to examine it herself. "I bumped my hip off the desk in my room when I came home. What's so amazing about that?"

He didn't answer.

"Oh Good Lord," she shook her head. "Oi, Severus, newspaper headline."

"What did they do?" he took the paper from her and ran his finger over the text, trying to make sense of what was printed. "Hmm…"

"What?" she stole the paper back from him. "You don't think this is important?" She pointed to the newspaper again, whose headline bore the words: _Dark Mark Spotted Over King's Cross Station._

"Dangerous, rather," his teeth clenched. "I told you there was a reason I wanted you to hide."

"You told me nothing!" she hissed back. "All of the sudden Dumbledore calls me to his office and offers me a hiding place, but he doesn't tell me _why_." She threw the paper on to the table and backed away from him. "Why did you want me to hide, and don't tell me it's for my protection."

"I lied to you."

Her eyes went wider still. "Pardon?"

"Did I stutter?" he repeated. "I lied."

"What, so they don't think you're dead?"

"They _know_ I'm not dead, Allison," his hands were shaking. "I had to infiltrate the Death Eaters once again, it was the only way."

"The only way what?" she was close to yelling. "The only way to make me trust you?"

"The only way to make _them_ trust me," he corrected. "They are still so intent on resurrection I need to understand why, it's…"

"Dumbledore's orders?" she snapped.

He made no response.

"I knew it!" her voice was harsh. "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! Whenever the Death Eaters come round you can guarantee that Dumbledore's hatched some stupid plan to get you involved again!"

He was silent.

"How many times?" there were tears in her eyes. "How many times is he going to drag you into his plans before he gets you killed?"

"I won't deny that this is dangerous," he put his hands on her shoulders.

"Because denial gets you nowhere," she spat. "Okay, we can handle this, it's not the end of the world. You're just putting yourself into mortal danger once again, no, we'll be fine…" she shivered. "I need to sit down…" Allison backed into a chair at the kitchen table, resting her head on her arms.

"Allison…"

"Do you… is there…" she mumbled.

"Is there what?"

"Another Mark," she choked, lifting her head and fumbling with his sleeve.

He rolled his lips, obliging her silent request to roll up his cuff.

She gasped, covering her mouth. Tears sprang to her eyes as the skull with a serpent became clearer. "Oh no…" her tears were in her throat. "Why would he do something like this, after I specifically said that I wouldn't go into hiding because I'd lose you, and now Dumbledore's got you dangling on Lestrange's arm? What next?"

"I'm not alone in this, Allison," he let the sleeve fall. "I am working with another. He's in deeper than I, and is in far more danger than I will be."

"Who?" she asked, not wanting to know the answer.

There was a soft tapping at her front door. Glaring, she got up and looked through the peephole, she groaned and fell against the door.

"It's the Exorcist," she managed. "Excuse me, I'm going to be sick…" she charged up the stairs and slammed the bathroom door shut, expelling the contents of her stomach into the toilet. She reached up and flushed said device before forcing herself to stand up and go back down the stairs.

Breathing deeply, she forced a smile and came face to face with the man who had been on the other side of the door.

"Hello, Lucius."

**ooOoo**

"Miss McCormack," he greeted her, false sincerety running through his voice.

"You can call me Allison," she answered. "On that note, how did you know where I lived? Severus didn't tell you."

"No, as a matter of fact, you did."

"What?"

He tapped his temple.

"Oh Jesus Christ," she muttered, covering her face with her hands. "Alright, look, let's just get this over with. Whatever you have to do, do it. Whatever you have to tell me, say it before I get sick again."

"Again?" Lucius' voice was too sinister for her liking. "Well then, can I ask what has made you so ill?"

"The fact that you've appeared on my doorstep," she mocked, going into the kitchen and fumbling for a glass in the cupboard.

"Now now, there's no need to be rude, Allison."

"I'll be as uncouth as I like, Mr. Malfoy," she spat at him, her back turned as she flipped open the faucet and poured herself some water. "If you've got nothing useful to say, besides trying to intimidate me, you can turn round and march back out the way you came."

Severus stepped between them and offered Lucius a seat in the living room. The last thing they needed was for either of them to get angry. Lucius did not anger easily, but when he did, Merlin help you. Of course, that wasn't to say that Allison wasn't equally as volatile, she could give him a run for his money.

"Alright, so, Lucius, tell me how this is going to work…" she sat down with them and momentarily closed her eyes.

"What we are planning to do is essentially stage a coup," he answered, giving her a smirk. "Of course, I shall be deeply undercover, and no one shall hear from me unless it's absolutely necessary."

"Your wife won't be worried?" Allison blurted without thinking.

Lucius stopped. "Of course she'll worry, but she knows it's for the Greater Good."

"That's exactly what Grindelwald said before setting out to murder thousands and thousands of people," she muttered. "Nearly the same philosophy Hitler had."

"I'm not familiar with Hitler," Lucius told her.

"Believe me, you don't want to be," she shuddered.

"Enlighten me then."

"Ha," she let out a sarcastic laugh. "Not today…" Somehow she didn't believe that Narcissa Malfoy would be content with Lucius going deep undercover and leaving her behind. Dark wizard or not, he still had a family, and they deserved to know what was going on.

But at this point it didn't matter. She needed to know what was going on, and what exactly Severus and Lucius had in mind. Why would they be working together when Lucius Malfoy's name was still so closely associated with the term Death Eater. How had they managed to fool Lestrange and Greyback?

"I still don't understand. Both of them know you're connected to me, Severus, and they wanted you dead. They've tried to kill me more than once. How did you manage to turn it around and suddenly they trust you? What did you do?"

"Surely that is a matter that even you could understand."

She glared at Lucius with malice.

"Do not insult my intelligence as it very much makes me want to throw rocks at you," she spat. "You can't have used a Confundus charm, their brains are too addled by Dark Magic. What exactly happened?"

No one answered.

"Forget it," she pushed herself out of the chair and opened the front door. "You can let yourselves out when you're done, yeah?"

Without another word, she shut the front door behind her and bolted. She really didn't care where she was going, all she knew was that she needed to get away. Away from Severus, away from her apartment, and most importantly, away from the prick who presently occupied a seat in her living room; otherwise known as Lucius Malfoy.

Once she'd run into a quiet street and made sure she was out of sight, she Apparated as quietly as was possible, soon finding herself in a very familiar living room.

"Good Lord, Allison!" came the voice. "I haven't seen you for ages!"

"I'm sorry to barge in," she stumbled through an apology. "I just… I needed a friend."

"That's what I'm here for, come on, I'll get the kettle going, you sit down."

She parked herself down in a chair in the living room and placed a hand over her eyes. "Oh, I feel dizzy."

"Okay, okay," the voice rummaged around their kitchen and found her a glass of water. "Here, drink this. Take deep breaths, just relax."

Taking the advice and two glasses of water, Allison's head began to clear.

"Would you like regular or herbal?"

"Herbal's great, thank you, Hermione," she answered. "Oh my God… okay, my head's feeling better."

"Good," she brought two mugs to the table with a bit of leftover pasta from the night before. "Now, what's the emergency?"

"There's no emergency."

She raised her eyebrow, tilting her head to the side. "Uh huh, so why did you suddenly Apparate in the middle of my living room?"

Allison lowered her head into her hands. "I don't know, I.. I'm so sorry, Hermione."

"Hey hey, I'm not mad," she answered. "Just tell me what's going on, and eat something. Seriously, when was the last time you ate?"

"Uh…" she struggled for a moment. "This morning, around 8."

"God, no wonder you're up, down, everywhere," she shook her head. "Think you can handle a few bites of pasta?"

"I'll try," she picked up a fork and twirled herself a bite of spaghetti. Once that stayed down, the whole story came spilling out. She'd already been feeling sick and throwing up and with the news that Severus had to infiltrate the Death Eaters again and being scared of losing him, it was too much to take. Could she stay with Hermione for a few weeks?

Taking a deep breath, Hermione nodded once, and took Allison's hand from across the table.

"Don't freak out on me, Allie, but I think you might be pregnant."

Her eyes went wide. "Pardon me?"


	40. Ramalama Bang Bang

**Noyesgirl: Oops, I went back and fixed that little mistake once you pointed it out to me. Thank you for the review**

**grumpirah: The answer to the cliffy is in this chapter**

**Live Laugh Love Potter: I thought Hermione would be the best person for the job. She was one of Allison's best friends at Hogwarts (though she didn't see her very often, as Hermione was always with Harry and Ron), but she's always been there whenever Allison's needed her. Thank you for the review**

**invisible-gurl: I know, I'm so evil.**

**ShiningGalaxy: Nope, no fight. Allison doesn't have the patience nor the will to put up with Lucius, so she does the next best thing. Enjoy this next chapter**

**Currently unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine.**

**ooOoo**

_Could a body close the mind out, stitch a seam across the eye? If you can be good you'll live forever, if you're bad you'll die when you die. Hearing only one true note, on the one and only sound, unzip my body, take my heart out, cause I need a beat to give this tune._

_Ramalama (Bang Bang)- Roisin Murphy_

**ooOoo**

A month had passed and Allison had still not returned to her apartment. She'd dropped by the day after leaving to pack herself a bag, since Hermione had been kind enough to offer her a place to stay. Severus and Lucius had let themselves out, as promised, and Severus had locked the door. Scribbling a note to him hoping he'd see it if he came back, she departed for Hermione's, knowing she'd be staying there for a while.

It wasn't as horrible as she'd imagined, either. Hermione had taken her into Edinburgh and introduced her to many of her friends and colleagues. Working as a teacher's assistant in one of Edinburgh's top universities during the summer programs gave Hermione access to insane amounts of information and knowledge, and, using those connections, had gotten Allison a position in the campus library. It wasn't much, but it would give her something else to do other than sit in Hermione's apartment worrying. She'd been there about a month, and had easily made a good friend in Davina McLeod, another librarian.

"What's a matter, Allison?" she asked at about 10 that morning. "You're looking a little green there."

"Uh, I'll be fine," Allison insisted, shelving a few books along with her. "Just a bit of a stomach bug."

"Maybe you should take the rest of the day."

Suddenly she smiled. "Uh… that's a good idea," she signed herself out and made her way to one of the walk-in clinics near Hermione's apartment. Lucky thing she was so close, because Allison didn't think she could have made it on her own if the clinic were any further away.

Arriving at the receptionist's desk, she was given a form to fill out. It asked her name, her date of birth, her medical insurance, and the reason for her visit. Once that had been done, she handed it back and waited.

"Allison McCormack?" the nurse called, "Exam room 3, love. The doctor will be with you in a moment."

She nodded, sitting herself down on the exam table.

It was about 10 minutes later that the doctor came in, grabbing her file.

"Ello there, Allison, my name is Doctor Bennett. What seems to be the problem?"

She didn't even bother with preamble. "I've been feeling a little sick for about two weeks. I thought it was the flu but it hasn't cleared up. I've also been throwing up several times a day, and my breasts are tender."

"And when was the date of your last menstrual cycle?"

"Oh, about… I'd have to say about seven weeks ago," she answered. "That was… April 11."

"Okay," he scribbled it down on a notepad. "Well, I'd like to do some routine tests. Urine sample, blood work, and when those come back we'll do an ultrasound."

She nodded. With those tests, Doctor Bennett assured her, they'd know in less than a week if she were pregnant or not.

The week seemed to drag on and on. Finally, on the Thursday, she picked up the phone to hear Doctor Bennett's voice on the other end. He'd said he would like to see her that afternoon if it were at all possible.

"Yes of course," she replied, a feeling of dread settling in the pit of her stomach. They made an appointment for one in the afternoon, which was only about an hour and a half from then. However, once she got there, she couldn't wait any longer.

"Well Allison, you are indeed pregnant," Doctor Bennett told her.

Her eyes went wide. "What?" She placed her hands over her eyes. "Oh no, no no no, tell me you're lying to me."

"Alright, I'm lying to you."

"Really?"

"No," he answered. "You're about five weeks along. I'd like to schedule an ultrasound at about the eight week mark, so three weeks from today."

She nodded, too shocked to do much else. "Thank you," she managed, packing up her things as Doctor Bennett left. She quietly thanked everyone in the office and went outside to the payphone. Shoving a quarter into the slot, she punched the numbers on the phone.

"Hello?" came a voice from the other end.

"Hermione?"

"Allison, is that you? Where are you?"

"I'm at the clinic. Can you come and get me? I can't walk, I'm shaking too much."

"Okay, alright, I'm coming," she hung up the phone and was there less than three minutes later with her small car. Allison blindly opened the door and sat inside, dazed.

"What happened?"

"I…I…" Allison stuttered.

"You what?" Hermione put the car in gear and drove back to her apartment, which admittedly wasn't more than two blocks away. Once they got in the house, Allison kicked the side of the couch and plopped herself down in a chair.

"Better now?" Hermione asked.

"Not quite," Allison could barely speak. "Oh shit… shit, shit, shit, what am I going to do?"

Hermione sat down beside her and put an arm around her shoulder. "Considering I don't know what you're talking about, I can't give you advice."

Allison took a deep breath and attempted to calm herself down.

"I'm pregnant," she blurted.

Hermione's eyes widen, and a smile crept across her face.

"What are you smiling at?" Allison cried. "I don't even know where Severus is! He could be dead for all I know. I…"

Hermione continued to hold her. "He's not dead," she insisted.

"But we don't _know_ that!" she couldn't hold it in. "Of all people, Dumbledore needs the man I love! Why can't he need someone else?"

Hermione had no answer. "Are you able to write?"

"Where would I send it?"

"Perhaps you could send it to Dumbledore, and he'd somehow get it to Severus?"

"I can't put something like this in a letter," she answered. "What would I say? 'Oh, by the way Severus I'm pregnant, too bad you may not see the baby, because I don't know where you are?' That would crush him." Allison shook her head and covered her eyes, sighing. "I think I'm going to have a nap. I just can't think about this right now."

"Alright," Hermione gave her a smile and a stroke on the back. "Allie, you've always got a place here if you need it."

"Thank you," she nodded, bringing herself up the stairs. She fell into bed without another word.

**ooOoo**

"So Lucius, have either Lestrange or Greyback told you anything?"

"So far they have said they still want Allison."

Severus rolled his eyes. "Anything of consequence?"

"Not as such, no," he answered.

The two of them had returned to Spinner's End, Lucius aiding Severus in restoring the magic that protected the house itself. He'd thought of writing to Allison, letting her know that things were slowly coming into place, but there was always a chance that other Death Eaters, or some within the Ministry would be monitoring the owls and the Floo networks. Always paid to be certain with the Ministry.

However, Dumbledore had set up a way for Severus to communicate with him. The owl that was sent each time they needed to exchange information either waited until daybreak or dusk before setting off toward its destination. Even Death Eaters had to rest at some point, and as such it was the most advantageous to send the aforementioned creature back and forth at that point. He would send a message to Allison through Dumbledore, to let her know that he was safe, and hopefully she would do so likewise.

He neatly wrote what had transpired that day and waited until dusk. The owl waited patiently as Severus tied the letter around its talon and soon went on its way.

**ooOoo**

The owl hooted softly to catch Albus Dumbledore's attention, bowing and accepting an owl treat as it went on its way. As Dumbledore sat down to read what Severus had written, a separate, sealed letter fell out and landed on his desk.

He picked it up, smiled, and Apparated to outside Hermione's Edinburgh apartment. The girl had thought it a good idea to write to him and tell him Allison was safe, in need of some sleep and, if it wasn't too much to ask, some good news.

Dumbledore patiently waited until the doorknob turned. He smiled as Hermione answered the door.

"Oh, good afternoon, Professor," she moved out of the way and allowed him entrance.

"Good afternoon, Miss Granger," he very graciously returned her greeting. "I received your letter, and could not help but deliver this myself."

"Deliver what?" her eyes suddenly shone with understanding. "You have news?"

He produced a sealed letter addressed to Allison from his robes.

"Oh she'll be so pleased," she turned from him and walked toward the small flight of stairs. "Allison!" she called. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah, I'll be right down!" Allison answered, opening the door and coming down the stairs. "Oh, hello Professor."

"I know the frost in your voice is well deserved," he did not waver. "However, I have a letter addressed to you."

She furrowed her brow. "Is it from Severus?"

"It's in his handwriting, Miss McCormack," Dumbledore held it out to you.

She gasped and snatched it out of his hand. She had not done it purposefully, but the fact that Severus had been able to contact her meant he was _alive_! He was okay, and at that point, that was all that mattered.

She breathed a sigh of relief, thanked Dumbledore as he disappeared again, and sat down at the kitchen table. Her hands trembling, she broke the wax seal on the parchment and unfolded it, her eyes scanning the sentences.

_Allison_, he wrote.

_Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Know that I am safe, and that neither you nor anyone else in your confidence is in any imminent danger. L & G have still not revealed anything, and L.M. is working around the clock trying to get them to slip up. Luckily, they are still so thick they cannot see through our charade, and still b__elieve that we are working to being their own prominent group to life once again. _

_Whenever you have news of anything, send it to Dumbledore, and he shall pass it on to me, and vice versa. I am sorry that I cannot say everything I know you want to hear in this letter. One can never be too careful, in case of interception. I think of you often, Allison, and never doubt that I will come home to you._

_Severus _


	41. Someday Out of the Blue

**ShiningGalaxy: I hope so too, but as always, we'll see what happens. Enjoy this next chapter.**

**passingwhisper: Naughty! (gives big smile). After you mentioned that to me I went back through the story and observed that you're right, Allison is a little over-emotional. I will try not to make her so weepy in coming chapters. I am so happy that you love this story, and hope that you will continue reading. Thank you for the review**

**Currently unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine (I do check this over before I post), but it doesn't hurt to make sure, right? **

**And to those who lurk, feel free to leave a review, the door is always open.**

**ooOoo**

_I still believe, I still put faith in us, we had it all, and watched it slip away. Where are we now, not where we want to be. Those hot afternoons, still follow me. Someday out of the blue, maybe years from now, or tomorrow night, I'll turn and I'll see you, and if we always knew, someday we would live again, someday soon._

_Someday Out of the Blue- Elton John_

**ooOoo**

It would be another three weeks before Allison could summon enough courage to write back to Severus. Not because she was unwilling or unable to do so, but rather, she had no idea what to say or how to say it.

"Hermione, do you think you could come down to the doctor's with me today?" she asked that morning over cereal. Allison found at that point she couldn't stomach much else, cereal stayed down, at least.

"Sure, what time?" she asked, putting the milk back in the fridge and shutting the door.

"Around ten?"

Hermione clinched her teeth. "Sorry love, I've got a class that I've absolutely _got_ to supervise. Bunch of randy first years that don't bother to try and get their arses out of bed for an 8:30 class."

Allison chuckled. "If I were them neither would I. Even at Hogwarts, early morning classes were the bane of my existence."

"This one runs for two and a half hours," Hermione explained. "If it weren't for the fact that I had a million other things that I have to do in connection to said class, I'd love to go with you. Why don't you ask Davina? I've heard you and her are quite the pair when it comes to the library."

Allison shook her head. "She's got to work today too." She took a deep breath. "Oh well, I'll go by myself. Not the end of the world."

"Okay," Hermione smiled, plunking a bottle of water down in front of her friend. "I heard your pen scratching away last night. What were you working on?"

"It's a letter to Severus," Allison answered, sipping her tea. "I'm trying to figure out a way to tell him about the baby without letting a million and a half other people know, and since he's not here, writing to him is the only other option."

"Mmm hmm," Hermione agreed. "Are you going to reveal it to him in any special way?"

"What do you mean?"

"I've heard some people do something silly to reveal they're pregnant. Like, having a potluck dinner and having a group photo, but instead of the photographer saying 'Everybody say cheese' it's 'Everybody say so- and- so's pregnant!' and snapping the picture to see all their shocked faces."

Allison chuckled again. "I don't think I'll do anything spectacular like that, but I'll think of something."

"You always do," Hermione agreed. "Alright, well, I'm off, gimme a hug," Allison complied. "Good luck today, make sure you get me a copy, alright?"

"Yes of course," she answered, taking a sip of water. Doctor Bennett had told her she needed to drink a litre of water before the ultrasound, but to be sure to finish it an hour before. The bottle Hermione had given her was her second, she'd drunk her first when she'd first woken up at 7:30, and until the ultrasound was over, she wouldn't be permitted to go to the washroom.

Thank Merlin the ultrasound's at ten, she mused. I want to see what the baby looks like.

By ten that morning Allison felt as though her bladder was about to burst. She waited patiently as Doctor Bennett met her at Radiology in the hospital, led her to the room that contained the scanner, and introduced her to Lydia, the ultrasound technician.

"Okay, Allison, we're just going to prep you. I'd like for you to lie back and lift your shirt a bit," Lydia told her once Doctor Bennett had left.

Allison complied and waited as Lydia squirted what she called bio-gel on to her stomach.

"It's cold," Allison managed.

"It is, but once we get going its not so bad."

Allison nodded and waited as Lydia ran the scanner over Allison's bio-gelled stomach.

"Do you see anything?"

"Not yet, the fetus seems to be hiding, doesn't want to be found, perhaps," Lydia continued searching, and hearing, after about 5 minutes, a steady 'bump bump bump' rhythm. "Oh there we are…" Lydia smiled, directing Allison's attention to the screen. "There's the heart beating, about 152 beats per minute, that's very good, it's very strong."

"How big is it?" Allison asked. "The fetus, I mean."

"About 2 centimetres, if that," Lydia replied. "But the heartbeat, as I said, is very strong. I'll give you a few copies of the ultrasound."

"Can I get three?" Allison asked.

"Of course you can," Lydia told her, taking the scanner off Allison's belly and handing her a towel. "Mind that bio-gel. Get as much as you can off."

"Okay," Allison handed the towel back once she'd finished. "Hey, um… how many ultrasounds will we be doing?"

"Next one we'll do at 20 weeks, and the last at 32. They can be dangerous if they're done too often, and your health and the baby's health are always the most important thing."

"Perfect," Allison breathed, taking the ultrasound photos as they were offered to her. "Thank you so much, Lydia."

"No problem, Allison, take care," Lydia smiled and set to cleaning up the equipment.

Allison made her way back to Hermione's, feeling as though she were flying.

**ooOoo**

"Hey I'm back," Hermione called at about 3 that afternoon. Allison had just finished her letter to Severus, sealed it, and was about to send it off to him. Unfortunately, one of the only ways to do that was either through the Owl Post, or a house elf. Since there were usually no owls flying about in the middle of the day and she could no longer summon a Hogwarts House Elf, the only other options were to ask Hermione or to drop it in the post box by the hospital.

"Hello darling," Allison called back as Hermione entered the kitchen.

"How did it go?"

"Excellent," she confirmed. "The baby's only about 2 centimetres long, and the ultrasound technician said its heartbeat was about 152 beats per minute, and apparently that's really good."

"Pictures?"

Allison gave her a copy of the ultrasound. "Not much to see just yet. But the machine drew around the heartbeat."

"Beautiful," Hermione smiled at her. "How are you then?"

"Still trying to wrap my head around the fact that in seven more months there'll be another human being coming out of me," she answered. "I'm scared, really. I don't know what's going to happen."

"No one really does, love," Hermione told her. "Everybody's different, everybody has different things happen during each pregnancy, and you, being as careful as you are, you'll be just fine."

"Will you help me?"

"Of course I will," Hermione answered. "Until Severus returns, you can stay here. What about the bills on your flat?"

"I can sublet if necessary."

"Why not move back?"

"It doesn't make sense for me to go back to Bishopsgate," Allison told her. "Doctor Bennett is based here, and the hospital for all the ultrasounds and prenatal care I need is here."

"They have the same thing in Surrey."

"I don't have anyone in Surrey, Hermione," she confessed. "I've got no support system, and it's damn difficult to find work, as I've got O-levels from a school that doesn't exist. How do I explain Hogwarts to a potential employer? 'I've never heard of this school' 'Well you wouldn't have, it's a school for people with magical abilities'. They'd have me strapped into a straitjacket and hauled off to the hospital."

"Why not go back to school?" she asked.

"With what money?" Allison was thinking on her toes. "I've got to save as much as I can for the baby. I can't skate, I don't have amateur status anymore, and most certainly not while I'm pregnant."

"Fair enough, it was only a question," Hermione felt it much easier to stop while she was ahead. "Do you know when you're due yet?"

"Considering I'm eight weeks pregnant now, and it's the middle of June, I'd say sometime in February. Mid to late February."

"Excited?"

"In a way I suppose so, but at the same time I'm nervous."

"I guess it's completely new to you, huh?"

"Not completely," Allison smiled. "Remember I was pregnant once before, and I really don't want to have the same thing happen again."

"I don't think it will."

"How do you know?"

"Because once you start showing, people are going to order you to stay off your feet, Davina included. She'll have you on desk duty quicker than you can say Horace Slughorn."

She made a face. "I'd rather keep that man's name out of my vocabulary, thank you," she told Hermione. "He's got a brilliant mind, though sometimes I wonder what goes through that head of his, you know?"

"Mm hmm I know," Hermione answered. "Look, I'll help you as best I can, alright?" she didn't look too confident, but in reality she was still reeling from the shock of finding out that yes, Allison was indeed pregnant. "When are you going to send that letter?"

"I was hoping to send it today, but then I realized there's no owl around."

Hermione leaned out the window. "Yes there is."

"Where?"

"Right there," she pointed out the window to a handsome tawny owl flying toward them. It landed on the windowsill and patiently held its leg out to her.

"School owl," Allison whispered to herself. "This goes to Professor Dumbledore, alright?" she asked the creature. "He'll take care of the rest…" the owl clicked its beak at her. "No, I'm sorry I don't have treats, but I can give you some water."

It seemed as though the owl refused, hooting as it took off from the window and off toward Hogwarts.

**ooOoo**

Severus untied the envelope from the owl that landed on the kitchen table of Spinner's End and nodded to the creature, which then took off into the setting sun. Breaking the seal, he ignored the second piece of paper that slipped to the ground, and concentrated on what was written on the parchment. He had been waiting for Allison's response for weeks, and felt nothing short of relief when it had come.

_Severus_, it read.

_It has taken me a few weeks to really work out what I could say. I have been worried sick for as long as you have, but please know that it was not my intention to leave you in the lurch. I received your letter, and have kept your words close. I know that whatever it is you are doing, you are doing so at great personal risk, and for something you believe in. I certainly hope it is worth it._

_I am safe, staying with H, and it looks as though I will be doing so for a while. Do not worry about the apartment, I will more than likely sublet, which means to let someone else live there while I stay elsewhere. It seems like the logical thing to do. H has landed me a secure job in the same facility that she is working, and it is too far to travel from Bishopsgate to said location every day. _

_Perfect, I am babbling, is it possible to babble when writing a letter? I guess it is, I never thought it was possible, isn't that something? Well, the purpose of this letter is not really to let you know where I am staying (though you must admit it is good to know such a thing, correct?) Anyway, the main reason I have written is because there is no other way to tell you what am I about to tell you, simply because you and I are separated by Merlin knows how many miles. _

_The simple fact of the matter, Severus, is that I am eight weeks pregnant. Enclosed with this letter (though you may not have had a chance to look at it yet) is my first ultrasound. It is a white piece of paper, and you will see the baby's heartbeat circled. It is no more than 2 centimetres long (about an inch), but rest assured, there is a baby. I've estimated my delivery date as somewhere between mid to late February, and have written it in the margin below the scan. _

_I am so sorry I was not able to tell you this in person, simply because of the circumstances. I have H to help me, and a co-worker (once I tell her), who is more than patient and has such a good heart, will more than likely be instrumental as well. That is not to say that I do not wish for you to come home, of course I do, I just want you to know that I will be well taken care of. Every child deserves to know its father, and this baby is no exception._

_You are a good man, Severus, and I eagerly await your return._

_Lots of love,_

_Allison._

Severus' heart caught in his throat.

_What_ had that said?

Allison McCormack, _his _Allison, was eight weeks pregnant?

He looked to the floor and saw the fated piece of white paper lying face down. Picking it up, he saw the scan, and Allison's estimated delivery date written below the circled heartbeat. February 20, 1999, it read.

Merlin help him, he was to be a father.


	42. Lie to Me

**All The Pretty Horses: Here is more of his reaction in this chapter. Hope you enjoy**

**Currently unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine. And to those who lurk, feel free to leave a review, the door is always open.**

**ooOoo**

_Nowhere to run and nowhere to hide, I'm scared of the truth, I'm tired of the lies, cause who I am, is where you wanna be. Don't act like an angel, you're falling again, you're no superhero, I found in the end. So lie to me once again and tell me everything will be all right, lie to me once again and ask yourself before we say goodbye, well goodbye, was it worth it in the end?_

_Lie to Me- 12 Stones_

**ooOoo**

Severus bit the inside of his cheek, willing to suspend his belief that Allison may, in the smallest hope, by playing with him. He would not, and could not, be a father. He could not do it. It was not because he did not feel he could love another person, but rather it was because he worried he'd end up like his father.

Tobias Snape was a drunken lout, and Severus had no qualms admitting it. All throughout his childhood he'd had to live with his father, who did not approve of magic, or the fact that his only son was a wizard. What would you expect when the woman you marry is a witch with her own magical abilities? Are you so stupid that you cannot fathom that you will more than likely produce a child with the same capabilities? All the same, Tobias had beaten Severus and his mother, Eileen, black and blue, if for no other reason than to instill fear in them, and reiterate the fact that he was the man of the house.

His mother had done all she could have to try and protect him as a child, but in the end it wasn't enough. She'd apologize to him again and again for the way his father acted, yet she had no money and no one else to turn to, therefore she had no other option but to stay.

Severus still had nightmares from time to time, and the time he'd spent at Voldemort's side, where he'd beaten and/or tortured his followers for no other reason than to amuse himself, did nothing to alleviate the situation. At those points, however, Severus had no one to come to his aid, and he'd take it again and again, for he felt he deserved it. He could still remember the conversation he'd had with Dumbledore after Lily had died, telling Dumbledore that he wished he were dead. After being asked what use that would be to anyone, the statement that forever changed the course of his life came into being.

"If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, than your way forward is clear. Help me protect Lily's son."

It would not be for another eleven years that he would meet Lily's son, Harry, and when he had he'd despised him immediately. He would not have hated the boy so much had he looked like his mother. The fact that he looked like James Potter was yet another reminder that he would never have the woman he loved, and a constant reminder that she had rejected him.

Indeed, his promise to Dumbledore had been the only thing keeping him from suicide, and now…

Now he had Allison, and as much as he had hurt her, she had not abandoned him. He may have felt that that was the case, but in reality it was not. He'd never be able to repay her for what she had done to help him heal.

But at that point he could not think of anything other than the sentence 'I am eight weeks pregnant.' Eight weeks equaled two months. It was the middle of June, and he had returned the second week of April… he'd found her at the arena, she'd jumped into his arms and told him to take her home.

Dear Merlin, that had been April 14th. It _had _to be the date of conception. He could remember the night very clearly, her body fitting perfectly under his, accepting him within a matter of minutes, her orgasm coming as powerful as his had been that night, with no contraceptive spell.

He sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose, willing the migraine that had started to disappear.

"Caught you at a bad time?"

Severus closed his eyes and made no response.

"Hmm, well then perhaps I should see what has you so enthralled," Lucius picked up the ultrasound, thinking it was nothing more than a piece of paper. "What am I looking at?"

"It's called an ultrasound," Severus tilted his head, still not daring to open his eyes. "Allison is eight weeks pregnant."

"Hmm," he shrugged, handing the paper to Severus once again. "Why would she subject herself to such a horrendous procedure?"

"It's not as though they stick a hot poker up there. It's a scan over her stomach."

"And who is to blame?"

"No one," Severus replied. "Did you assert blame when Narcissa told you she was pregnant with Draco?"

"Of course not."

"So why do you ask the same of me?"

"If she really is pregnant, are you sure the baby is yours?"

Within seconds Severus had unsheathed his wand and pointed it at Lucius' throat, fire blazing in his eyes.

"Say anything of that sort again and I promise you, I shall hex you into oblivion. Is that clear?"

Lucius sneered. "Crystal." He answered with a smug air, his chin held high.

**ooOoo**

Allison's heart jumped into her throat upon receiving another letter from Severus, but once she opened it she suddenly wished she hadn't.

_June 22__nd_

_Allison,_

_I must ask you to clarify that you are absolutely sure that you are pregnant. I must admit that I am skeptical, as I am not sure of the date of conception._

"Damn right I'm pregnant, you smug son of a bitch," she said to herself. "If my diaphragm insists on attempting to heave my lungs through my throat every few hours, I damn well better be pregnant. That, or I'm deathly ill." She sighed, wondering why he would ask such a thing. "It was April 14th, by the way" she spoke to the parchment.

_Again, I must insist that no one in your confidence is in danger. L&G seem to have quieted themselves, but I take this sign with a grain of salt. If they are too quiet they may take the opportunity to strike. I cannot come home to you as I'm sure they would follow me. I cannot risk losing you. _

_I admit I am glad that you have found some sort of employment, and I hope it is satisfactory. I must also ask that you take care, and do not make yourself known to any party you are not already in confidence with, and even then, be wary. You never know who may have accepted a bribe. I do not want to make you unnecessarily cautious. I believe you are perfectly safe in H's company, and you still have Professor Dumbledore's offer to consider. _

_Take care, Allison, and know that I do love you._

_Severus_

"Nope, not happening," she insisted to no one in particular. "Not hiding, can't do it."

"Can't do what?" Hermione asked, coming into the room.

"Can't hide."

Hermione narrowed her eyes. "Right, yeah, I knew that. What's wrong?"

Allison made a sound that sounded oddly like 'tsah' and put a hand to her forehead. "This is just stupid, it really is."

"What's stupid?"

She thrust the letter out at Hermione and kept her head in her hands. "Read it, I don't mind."

Hermione scanned the letter. "Pfft, he wouldn't be a man if he didn't ask about the date of conception. He knows you've been faithful to him. You have, haven't you?"

"Of course I have."

"Then you don't have to worry about it. Look, you just dropped a bomb on him. Of course he's going to be apprehensive. He's not reacting in any overtly strange or peculiar way. How did your father react when your mother told him she was pregnant with you?"

"I don't know. I don't think they ever told me."

"Well, why not ask Davina what her father did when he found out? It's a very funny story."

"Point being?"

"You've just told Severus you're pregnant. He's as terrified as you are, if not more. You have no idea where he is, you two can only communicate through Dumbledore, and he's facing more than we can imagine every single day."

"What was I supposed to do, keep it from him? It doesn't do to keep something this big from him. Every child deserves to know their father, and this child's no different…" she paused. "Excuse me…" she calmly went to the bathroom and wretched. Thankfully, it was only one heave, and Hermione was sure to have water waiting for her when she emerged.

"Drink," she insisted. "Can't have you in the hospital with dehydration, Severus would have a fit."

Allison nodded and downed the glass in less than a minute. "Thank you."

Hermione nodded. "Aside for that one last wretch, have you been feeling any better?"

Allison smiled. "I'll feel much better when Severus is back."

"As would we all," Hermione muttered, handing the parchment back to her friend and sitting down with her. "Look, he's terrified because he's more than likely worried he'll turn out like his father."

"What did his father do?"

"Has he never told you?"

She shook her head. "Should he have?"

Hermione suppressed a single laugh. "Yes he should have. If you've never asked him you should, because he needs you to tell him he's nothing like his father, and it's true, he's not."

"How did you know what happened?"

"Allie, it's not exactly a secret. Nobody with Severus' temper could have developed such if something wasn't quite right."

"You're sure about that?"

"It was everywhere after the first war," Hermione reasoned. "When Severus had gone to Dumbledore and had seemingly switched sides once Harry made Voldemort disappear, nobody believed him. They all thought he was trying to save his ass."

"I don't think he was though. I know how much he was in love with Lily. All the records say that he did what he did to try and save her."

"That's true, but do we ever really have one motive?"

"What?" Allison was miffed. "Why are you telling me this?"

"It's not to cause you undue stress, believe me," Hermione answered. "I just think you should know."

"Why wouldn't he have told me himself?"

"I have no idea," Hermione told her. "Perhaps he didn't think it was important."

"If it's not important I shouldn't have to know about it," Allison kept her voice even. "Not unless he wants to tell me."

"Whatever you want, but you can't say I didn't warn you."

"Fair enough," Allison's hand went to her belly. "I just… I don't know what to do. This wasn't planned. I don't know how to care for a baby. I don't want to be like my mother. The baby deserves better."

"Listen," Hermione put her hands on Allison's shoulders and looked her square in the eye. "You're going to be fine. You're still adjusting to the news yourself. All you can do is take it one day at a time."

Allison took a deep breath and sighed. "You're right." She nodded as she spoke. "You're right. One day at a time."

**ooOoo**

For over a week, Lestrange and Greyback had not let on to any hidden agenda, and both Severus and Lucius were growing impatient. While Severus had been used to living alone and not having to worry about anyone other than himself, he could not keep his mind on the task at hand.

Each day he waited for news from either Allison or Dumbledore, and each night, he was disappointed. He couldn't remember why he had agreed to take on the mission in the first place any longer. His promise to Lily no longer mattered, as she herself had told him. Harry was grown, he had his own family, he was safe.

So why did he continue to torture himself with such asinine tasks?

He'd never forget the look on Allison's face when he told her he'd gotten another Mark. It was a mixture of shock, fear, and humiliation. Her voice begging him to explain why he'd done it, and it was the one question he couldn't answer.

However, they were in too far over their hands to back out. It was a double- edged sword. They had both taken another Mark, and Lestrange and Greyback would have no intention of letting them go. A Mark meant a commitment, just as it had with Voldemort. Voldemort had been a madman obsessed, but there was still a method to said madness. Lestrange and Greyback seemed willing to attack anything and everything that moved.

And that worried Severus more than anything else.

**ooOoo**

Allison lay awake that night for the first time in a while, staring at the ceiling. Hermione had given her plenty to think about, although it was not something she had wanted to hear.

She could vaguely remember reading something about Severus' home life in the public records from the First War. Why would such a well-known Death Eater suddenly switch sides? Maybe he had had another motive other than Lily Evans.

Damn it, why now?

Why couldn't he have told her himself?

With the information she now had, she could remember him saying something the first time they'd made love. He'd turned his back to her, and she'd traced the scars on his back. When prodded, his only response was that he'd 'got in his way.'

Thinking back, she realized that a wand would not have left those wounds.

Those scars were by his father's hand.


	43. Fascinating New Thing

**g: What was? The pregnancy?**

**ShiningGalaxy: All men, in my experience, ask about the date of conception, it's just what they do. Very strange, I know, but that's what happens, plus I think Severus would be naturally apprehensive about something so permanent.**

**savannahsaysfxck: Addicted? Well permit me to extend your supply :). I don't know about them getting married, they don't seem like the marrying type. Hmm...**

**PepTalk: I won't keep you waiting any longer, here's the next chapter**

**MakeLoveNotHrocruxes: I know you reviewed Chapter 2 but I am going to respond to you here. First, I'd like to say thank you, I'm glad you love them so much, I do as well. Enjoy the story.**

**Currently unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine.**

**ooOoo**

_Fascinating new thing, you delight me, and I know you're speaking of me. Fascinating new thing, get beside me, I want you to love me. I'm surprised that you've never been told before, that you're lovely, and you're perfect, and that somebody wants you_

_Fascinating New Thing- Semisonic_

**ooOoo**

After a fitful night, Allison awoke draped over the side of the bed. Her hair hung over her face and the blanket was halfway off the bed, leaving her back exposed. She had barely slept that night, tossing and turning, dreaming of what must have happened to Severus as a child. Hermione hadn't been very specific, but Allison had a vivid imagination. She awoke screaming Severus' name so loudly Hermione had bolted from her bed, tripped over her laundry basket and ended up coming into Allison's bedroom with a sock draped over her ear.

"What? What? What happened?" she had a frenzied look in her eyes that cleared once she took a look at Allison.

Allison could barely speak.

"Sweetie, what happened?"

"Nightmare…" she managed.

"Oh…" Hermione answered, still groggy.

"I just want him back," Allison rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. "I want to hold him again, just to know that he's alright. I need to know that…"

"You will," Hermione told her. "He'll let you know."

"I don't care that he'll let me know. I want him here. I don't want the baby to grow up knowing their dad didn't want them!"

"Did Severus ever say he didn't want the baby?"

"Didn't need to," Allison told her. "Asking me to confirm that I'm absolutely 100% sure that I'm pregnant, if that's not grounds for doubt I don't know what is."

"I already told you, Allison, he wouldn't be a man if he didn't ask about the date of conception." Hermione shook Allison's shoulder and gave her a one armed hug. "Alright, look, it's only six in the morning, and you still need to rest. You need to take better care of yourself, sweetie. The baby needs everything you can give, and that includes rest and eating healthy meals. I'll wake you up in a few hours," as an added gesture of comfort, Hermione kissed Allison's temple. "Sleep well."

Allison curled back into bed, knowing Hermione was right.

**ooOoo**

Hermione shook her head and went back to scrambling eggs. She'd barely gotten any sleep and wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. What if Allison awoke screaming again? Best to keep herself occupied and wait for her to come down the stairs.

There was a distinctive POP behind her, and she turned to see none other than Severus Snape standing behind her. Rolling her eyes, she turned back to the stove.

"You better have a damn good reason for showing your face here," she attacked the cupboard holding the plates and glasses with undue force and scraped the eggs on to the empty plate. "I had to deal with a crying, hormonal pregnant woman at six this morning no thanks to you. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Oh do calm yourself, Miss Granger, you sound like a shouting fishwife…"

"Lest you'd like a hot frying pan thrown at your head, Professor, I suggest you not tell me what I sound like while I am in my own house," she opened the bread box and sliced a few pieces of sourdough, placing them in the toaster. "If you're looking for Allison, she's asleep, and I don't want you waking her."

"Good Merlin, Miss Granger, you have most definitely become one of the most protective women I've ever encountered."

"I had no choice," there was a definite sign of bitter vindictiveness in her voice. "Allison came to me in tears asking to stay because you and Lucius Malfoy, who I have absolutely no time for, were off on some mission for Dumbledore, and when she told me she was pregnant, I couldn't just throw her out."

"It's true then?"

"Of course it's true, you think she'd lie to you? God, you really are an insensitive bastard." Hermione could hardly believe what she was hearing. "She'll be nine weeks soon, and all she wants is to see you. Can't see why, come to think of it."

Hermione had hit a nerve. How dare the witch imply such a thing? Not since he had lost Lily had he ever felt as though a part of him was missing. He could not stand to be apart from Allison, and almost immediately he'd regretted his decision to take the Mark again and go undercover.

"Anything to say in your defense, Professor?"

"Your toast is burning…" he smirked.

"What?" she turned to see the toaster smoking. Her shoulders slumped and she rolled her head again. "Oh motherfuckering son of a bitch!" She unplugged the appliance and waved the smoke away, inadvertently setting off the smoke alarm.

"Damn it!" she shouted again, grabbing a dishtowel and waving it under the device. "Open a window then, it's not that hard!"

Severus obliged, silently vowed to pay Hermione Granger back.

**ooOoo**

Allison awoke to the faint smell of smoke. Getting out of bed and tiptoeing down the stairs she entered the kitchen to see Hermione turning the fan over the stove on and someone else opening another window.

"What happened in here?" she asked, rubbing the sleep out of her eye.

Suddenly everything went still.

Severus turned and stared her in the eyes.

Allison could hardly believe what she was seeing. He was here, he'd come back to her.

Saying nothing, she stepped toward him and reached up, gently laying a hand on his cheek, almost as though she were trying to convince herself he was there. "You're here," she managed to whisper. "You're really here."

There was no need for her to say anything more. She reached down and entangled her fingers with his. They'd reached a sort of quiet understanding… all she wanted was to know he was there, and he would grant that request.

She guided his hand to her belly. She had not begun to show yet, but it was all the confirmation he needed. He nodded once, but kept his expression firm.

Allison turned to Hermione, silently thanking her. The other witch gave her a small smile, and turned back to the fan over the stove, switching it off.

By the time she'd turned around again, Allison and Severus had gone.

**ooOoo**

"I was a fool," he admitted.

"What?"

"Did I stutter?" Severus asked her again. "I said I was a fool. I should not have left and done what I did."

"What do you mean?"

"I took another Mark."

"Yes I know, but you did what you had to do. I don't blame you for that."

"You're also with child."

"You think I blame you for that?" Allison shook her head. "Look, we both took to the bed, we forgot a contraceptive spell. It happens, we're human. If we didn't make mistakes I'd think there was something really wrong with us."

"I…" he breathed.

Allison waited, entwining her fingers with his.

"I don't believe I'd make a good father, Allison," he told her. "I was a fool to ask you about the date of conception…"

"It was April 14th," she answered. "But go on."

"You deserve better, the child deserves better than me."

She stopped, pulling him back toward her. "There _is _no one better," she insisted. "I love you, and nothing will change that, but I need you to understand something."

He nodded for her to continue.

"You are _not_ Tobias Snape," she told him, cupping his face in her hands, making sure he could not look away. "He did not make you who you are. You did that on your own, and you are a remarkable human being."

His eyes bore into her own.

"I'm not saying we'll have all the answers, nor will we know everything about raising a child. We'll just have to try our best, which is all we can expect from ourselves."

For once, Severus was lost for words.

She gave him a small smile, pressed a finger to his lips to silence him, and gave him a gentle kiss.

"Welcome back, Severus Snape." She took his hand again, and the two of them walked silently together in the moonlight.

**ooOoo**

Three months later, Allison sat waiting in the exam room, her bladder near bursting. She'd done the same thing Lydia had asked her to do at her first ultrasound. She'd drunk a litre of water, and as such, was not allowed to pee until the scan itself was over.

"Okay, let's see," Lydia came in and smiled at Allison. "Ah, Allison it's good to see you again. How have you been feeling?"

"Much better. I felt a few kicks about two weeks ago."

"Oh good," Lydia smiled again. "That means good things are happening. Okay, same thing as last time, lie back and lift your shirt please."

Allison obliged, giggling as the bio-gel hit her stomach once again.

"Okay, little one, what are you up to today?" Lydia asked the screen as an image appeared. She ran the scanner over the bio-gel, looking for the heartbeat.

"There it is, nice and strong," Lydia pointed. "Developing nicely, fingers and toes are there, except… oh, nothing to worry about, baby's sucking its thumb."

"That's amazing," Allison breathed.

"Would you like to know the sex, or would you rather wait?"

"No, no, I want to know," she replied, trying not to sound too eager. While both she and Severus had agreed that all they wanted was a healthy baby, Allison had been hoping for a boy. While a girl would've been just as well, she didn't think Severus would be able to handle a little girl, especially if said child were to inherit Allison's temper and mannerisms. Plus, little boys loved their mothers more, whereas girls could be bratty and snotty. Not that Allison or Severus would allow their child, no matter the sex, to become a brainless little scamp, she just felt she'd be more at ease raising a little boy.

"Baby's not hiding, that's why I asked," Lydia ran the scanner over again. "There we go…"

"Oh Lydia, just tell me!" Allison begged.

"Okay, Allison, as you wish," Lydia stayed the scanner and pointed. "It's a boy."

Allison's eyes went wide. "You're sure?"

"Well, those are the testicles there, and there's your little guy's penis. Yep, it's a boy, I'm sure of it."

Allison's eyes brightened. That was the news she'd been hoping for. She accepted the towel Lydia had given her to wipe off the bio-gel, and put her shirt back down. Again, she asked for 3 copies of the ultrasound, and was on her way.

She couldn't help smiling to herself as she made her way back to Hermione's. Severus had gone to Spinner's End in an attempt to restore order, and renew the wards around the house. Until things were more organized, Allison would be staying with Hermione. She felt a terrible imposition, but Hermione had insisted she was not going anymore until Severus made sure things were secure.

Hermione was waiting for her once she returned. "Well?"

"Hold on, hold on," Allison put her bag down. "I need to pee, it's been murder having to wait this long to empty my bladder," Allison raced to the bathroom, leaving Hermione at the bottom of the stairs, chewing her thumbnail in anticipation.

"Come on, Allison, out with it!" Hermione was practically begging her.

Allison smiled, put her hands on Hermione's shoulders, and very calmly gave her one word…

"Boy."


	44. Out of My Mind

**8thweasleykid: We were all waiting for that, I'm sure. Thanks for the review**

**All The Pretty Horses: I totally expected Hermione to freak out on him, since she'd been so accomodating and had her life altered so dramatically with Allison in the house now. Thanks for the review.**

**Shining Galaxy: You've said it many many times and each time it makes me blush. I'm in Canada as well and I'm pretty sure that no matter where you go, you'll always find someone who asks the same question. I think they'll make good parents, they'll just to work on it, it's always a lot of trial and error. Thanks for the review**

**Jenea Cappoen: That's the first time anyone has ever thanked me for writing a story. I'm so glad you enjoy it, and the character development is sometimes difficult, but all in all it manages to work itself out. Thanks for the review**

**kaisa sabaku: This chapter will tell you how Hermione reacts. Thanks for the review.**

**ooOoo**

_Judging by the look on the organ grinder, you'll judge me by the fact that my face don't fit. It's touching that the monkey sits on my shoulder, he's waiting for the day when he gets me. But I don't need no alibi I'm a puppet on a string, I just need this stage to be seen. We all need a pantomime to remind us what is real, pull my eye and know what it means._

_Out of My Mind- James Blunt_

**ooOoo**

Hermione smiled, let out a small squeal, and hugged Allison. "He's healthy?"

"Yes, Lydia said he has all ten fingers and toes, and look…" she pulled out a copy of the ultrasound and pointed to a specific spot. "He's sucking his thumb."

Hermione couldn't keep from smiling. "Adorable."

Allison's eyes widened as her hand went to her belly. "He's moving…" she whispered, letting out a single laugh. "Holy crap I'm having a baby!" Sometimes it still felt as though it weren't actually happening.

"I know, I know, and I'm so happy for you," Hermione squeezed her tightly. "You'll be a remarkable mum."

The baby landed a rather remarkable blow to Allison's bladder.

"Ow!" she shouted.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, he's just decided to play football with my bladder." She very slowly made her way to the kitchen table. "Every night it's the same thing. As soon as I try to sleep, he wakes up."

"You can thank Severus for that," Hermione smirked. "With his DNA that child's going to do that till he pops out."

"Oh joy," Allison shook her head. "Ow!" she winced. "He kicked me again."

"Active little guy," Hermione agreed. "So, uh, listen, have you thought about when you and Severus are going to move in together?"

"Oh no," she answered. "I just don't know. I don't think either of us could handle living together quite yet."

"Sweetie, you're having his baby."

"I don't think it's a good idea," Allison insisted. "He drives me nuts even though we live apart, I can't imagine how we'd manage if we lived together."

"What, so you'll have a baby with him, but you won't live together?"

"My idea of bliss," Allison smirked.

Hermione looked scandalized.

"What?" Allison let out a laugh. "Oh come on, Hermione, I'm joking. It might be unconventional, but if it works for us, that's what we'll do." Allison placed her finger under Hermione's chin and pushed her mouth closed. She put her other hand on her belly again. "Oh he's quiet. I like when he's quiet."

"Good," Hermione found a way to make her mouth move again. "So, when did Severus say the house would be presentable?"

"You mean Spinner's End?"

Hermione nodded, reaching into the cupboard for a tea mug.

"I would never raise our child in a place like Spinner's End," Allison answered. "Look, Severus has done what he can with it, but Spinner's End is a poor neighbourhood, and no one deserves to grow up in a dump."

"It's that bad?"

"You'd understand if you saw the state of his house, Hermione. It was bequeathed to him by his mum and dad."

Hermione cringed. "Has it changed at all?"

"A bit, but I certainly wouldn't want to spend more time than was necessary in a place like that."

"Have you slept there?"

"No," Allison answered. "Severus would always stay with me at my apartment. The first time we made love…"

"I don't need to hear it!" Hermione clamped her hands over her ears, quietly murmuring 'la la la la la la' to herself.

"I was going to say it was the first time since I'd been home from Hogwarts that I'd felt completely at ease sleeping in my own bed."

"That was…"

"Just after Neil attacked me," Allison answered. "Severus saved me. When no one else would have."

Hermione could only nod. She had never known this side of Severus Snape. He had always, in her eyes, been the bitter Potions Master who could've easily passed for a bat. It hadn't been until the war that she'd known just how much he'd sacrificed, and who was she to deny him whatever happiness he could have now? To know that he'd saved Allison and now very much loved her without obligation, it was incredible.

"I'm sorry," Hermione managed.

"What for?"

"I shouldn't have launched that question at you."

"Well you can't help but be curious, can you?" Allison smiled at her friend again. "I mean, you've let me stay here for five months and done all you can to help me throughout this pregnancy. I can't have asked for a better friend. No, don't worry. It's fine."

"Okay," Hermione sounded relieved. "Can I get you anything?"

"Yeah, um…" Allison thought for a second. "Actually, do you have a blank hard cover notebook?"

"I should, let me just…" Hermione disappeared into the pantry and returned holding a red leather bound diary.

"Oh that's perfect, thank you so much!" Allison took it from Hermione's hand and smiled.

"What did you want it for?"

"I want to start a pregnancy diary."

"Don't people usually do that at the start, say… when they first find out?"

"Well I guess I've never been one for normalcy," was her response. "Just because I'm a little late starting it doesn't mean it's not useful. He might want to see it when he's a little older."

Hermione shook her head and went off to the laundry room. Best not to question silly things that made no sense to her.

Allison found a pen, opened the book, and began to write.

_Dear Baby,_

_My name is Allison, and in four months I'm going to be your mummy. Right now, the doctor says you've been in my tummy for 20 weeks. That's five months in grown-up language, but to you I'm sure you think it's been a long long time. All I really know about you right now is that you have all ten fingers and ten toes, and in the last picture the doctors took of you, you were sucking your thumb. I smiled, more than I've ever smiled before._

_I just found out today, little one (it's September 16__th__), that you're going to be a boy. I've always wanted a boy (in fact you almost had an older brother, but that's a story for another time). I'd like your name to start with either a C, R, or an L. Maybe you'll be a Rhys or a Robert, or maybe Liam. What do you think of the name Callum? Or what about Shane. Okay, that's not a C, R, or L name, but I like it. Unfortunately, your dad would never forgive me if I named you Shane. Shane Snape, you poor darling. I suppose it could be worse, I could name you Tobias, after my grandfather, then I'd REALLY be in trouble with your dad. Your dad doesn't like that name at all. Even though I like the name Shane, I won't do that to you. I'd never want you to be mad fun of for your mother being self-indulgent when it came to naming you. _

_I mentioned your dad just a moment ago. His name is Severus. He's a lot older than me, but in reality age is but a number. I am hopelessly in love with your dad, and you should know that that won't ever change. I hope that when you get older you can ask him why some people think he's a hero, but not for a while. He's really scared about you coming, because he says he doesn't know how to be a dad. Truth be told I don't know how to be a mum either._

_It's the kind of thing that we'll both have to learn, and it won't come easily. You're going to have to be my guinea pig, and as bad as that sounds, all it means is that whatever we do, whatever way we want to raise you so that you can look at yourself and tell us you're proud of who you are, we'll have to do it through a lot of trial and error._

_I'm not saying that your dad and I are going to have all the answers, nor will we be the perfect parents you might see on television (if your dad ever lets you watch it), because we won't be. Everybody's parents are different, and nobody was ever perfect. The television shows are just that, television shows, they weren't real. One day, when you're old enough, we'll tell you about our mums and dasd, and how we turned what we learned into what we want to teach you. I know that may not make much sense to you right now, but when you're older, I hope you understand._

_Believe me when I say, little one, that both your dad and I love you. You're just going to have to be patient with us. You may not like the rules we set down, but it is only to protect you. There may be times where you hate us and everything we say and/or do is wrong, or old-fashioned or outdated, but we will never EVER stop loving you. Even when you push us away, we'll always be there to catch you, when you fall, we won't help you up right away, but we'll teach you how to pick yourself up and go on. _

_I can't wait to hold you in my arms, little one, because once I do, I don't think I'll be able to let you go._

_All my love,_

_Mummy_

After all the time she'd had to come to terms with the fact that she was pregnant, Allison still felt a little strange. Seeing herself actually write the word 'Mummy' down on paper made it all the more clear.

Five months down, four to go.


	45. Walk a Little Straighter

**A/N: This is it! The big chapter! Champagne is in order here.**

**By the way, to those who lurk, feel free to leave a review, the door is always open.**

**Special thanks to BEG 75 for the ENORMOUS amount of help she gave me with this chapter. I couldn't have done it without you.**

**ooOoo**

_If I've learned one thing from him it's that my kids will never have to say… walk a little straighter Daddy, you're swaying side to side. Your footsteps make me dizzy and no matter how I try. I keep tripping and stumbling, if you'd look down here you'd see. Walk a little straighter Daddy, you're leading me._

_Walk a Little Straighter- Billy Currington_

**ooOoo**

It had been four months since Allison had written that first diary entry, and her due date was fast approaching. Severus had fixed Spinner's End as best he could, but by the amount of neglect the house had suffered, it was only a temporary solution. Spinner's End was no place to raise children, but until the baby arrived, it was their only option.

When she awoke, it had to be somewhere between 2 or 3 in the morning. Her back had been bothering her all evening, but she'd assured Severus it was nothing more than just a backache brought on by the baby's extra weight. Rolling out from under Severus' arm and making her way to the bathroom, she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

Sitting on the toilet, she waited. Nothing. Chalking it up to paranoia thanks to her due date being so close, Allison climbed back into bed. Unforunately, she didn't get any rest. The first contractions were starting. Going back to the bathroom, she sat on the toilet once again and picked up Severus' pocket watch. If she felt that same sort of pressure again, she'd wake him up and go to the hospital.

Madam Pomfrey had agree to be her midwife, provided there were no complications. The week before, she had told Allison not to come in until the contractions were strong and about ten minutes apart. The next one didn't come until 15 minutes later. Rolling her eyes, she put the watch back on the counter and went back into the bedroom. Not wanting to get back into bed, she paced the floor.

**ooOoo**

Severus awoke the sound of footsteps going in circles. Rolling over and checking the clock, he opened his eyes to see Allison's silhouette walking from one end of the room to the other, and Allison muttering to herself.

"Are you alright, Allison?" he pushed the blanket off and sat up.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "My contractions are starting."

"What?" he practically jumped off the bed and went to her side.

"They're about 15 minutes apart, no need to worry yet. Poppy said to come in when they're strong and ten minutes apart."

"Allison, in case you've forgotten, we cannot get to St Mungo's through King's Cross, and even then it'll be six hours at least. Apparation is out of the question, it's dangerous enough without you being in labour."

"Well then what do you suggest we do?"

"We may have to bring Poppy here."

"We never discussed that option!" Allison's eyes went wide. "I mean, we discussed the possibility of maybe not doing it at Hogwarts, which is why St. Mungo's was the better place, but here in Spinner's End? Oh Severus, we can't!"

"We may not have a choice," he spoke calmly and closed her hand around hers. "The Muggle hospitals can't do it safely, since this would be considered a magical birth."

"But they do it all the time without even realizing it!" she protested. "What about all the Muggleborns? They're all born with magic and the Muggle hospitals do just fine."

"That's because the magic is dormant…" he started.

"Well so will the baby's," Allison reasoned, moving toward the bathroom to pick up the watch again. She stopped just short, leaning on the wall for support as another contraction, this time stronger, started.

Her breathing heavy, Severus went to offer her his hand.

She shook her head. "No…" she insisted. "Just… no…"

Once it had passed, she grabbed the watch and checked it. "Okay, that was eleven minutes from the last one. Poppy told me to call on her once they got to ten minutes. It's up to you, Severus, if we can't get to St. Mungo's and Apparation unlikely, what should we do?"

"You're forgetting just how strong my magic is, Allison. It's marred by years of war and pain and torment. I had no choice but to develop it beyond what seven years of Hogwarts could do, beyond what any adult in any reasonable circumstance could achieve. If the baby is anything like me, and I'm sure he will be, we'll need to take the proper precautions, especially since you are so much smaller than I."

"So what do you want to do?" she repeated.

"Poppy should be here, Allison. I do not think you would be able to travel anywhere safely."

"Fine," she answered. "I'm going to lie down."

She winced as she sat on the bed.

Severus raced down the stairs and threw a handful of Floo powder into the fireplace. Informing Poppy of Allison's progress, Poppy agreed that Allison should not move from Spinner's End and immediately flooed back with Severus, medical kit in hand.

Allison winced again, biting back a scream as her water broke.

"When did the contractions start?"

"About an hour ago…" she winced. "Ow, oh my God…"

"Okay, I want you to get up and walk around a bit," Poppy answered. "Lying down will only make it worse."

"Oh great…" she pushed herself up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. "Why can't I be one of those women who sneezes and baby slides out?"

"Half the mothers in the world wish for such a thing," Poppy answered. "Walk around the house, Allison. Don't use the stairs, and when you return I'll see how dilated you are."

"Okay fine…" she got up and steadied herself before continuing. "Merlin's pants I feel like a duck. I'm waddling instead of walking…"

She knew Severus was stifling a smirk. "If you quack while I'm out of the room I'll hex you into next week."

"I'd never lower myself to such vulgar statements, my dear Allison," he answered as she walked out.

Half an hour later, Poppy called Allison back and checked her.

"Very good, Allison, seven centimetres already."

"Only seven?" she whimpered. "Why? Why only seven?"

"For only contracting two and a half hours, Allison, seven centimetres is remarkable. If you keep going the way you are, baby will be here in no time."

"Yay…" she whimpered, adding a sarcastic inflection to her tone. "I want him out so I can hold him."

"Even if he causes you this much pain?" Severus asked. He knew it sounded juvenile, but it was all he could think of to ask.

"It's no less than what I did to my mother or what you did to yours," Allison told him. "Oh shit, give me your hand…" she begged.

He obliged, and suddenly felt as though his fingers were caught in a vice. Allison screamed as she held on to him, waiting for the contraction to pass. Releasing his hand, she saw the blood slowly returning to the surface. "I'm sorry. Did I break anything?"

"I hardly think a few sprained fingers are enough for comparison to what you're going through right now," he answered.

"That was one nasty contraction," she managed. "Damn it, how do people do this and constantly want more babies?"

"I have no idea," he told her, stroking her hair.

"This is it and then I'm done, you realize," Allison put her hand to her forehead. "After this I don't think I could do it again."

"You say that now, but you may find yourself wanting another."

She scoffed, gripping the streets under her back. "If that ever happens you can be the one to carry the baby and push it out."

Severus let out a solitary laugh. "That's biologically and physically impossible, you know that."

"Of course I know that, but it doesn't mean I don't wish it would happen." Allison squeezed her eyes shut. "Ow, ow, fuckity ow!"

Poppy reappeared, carrying a bowl of water.

"Check me again?" Allison begged.

"It's only been about 20 minutes, child," she reasoned. "Unless you're Merlin himself, you probably have not gotten very far in the last 20 minutes."

"But you said I was progressing unnaturally fast for a first labour…" Allison was grasping at straws, and she knew it. "Please?"

"Okay, if you insist…" Poppy obliged her. "Sorry dear, still seven."

"Ohhh…" she whined. "This is not fair…"

"If life were to suddenly get fair, I doubt it would be while you're in labour," Poppy answered. "Don't get discouraged. Seven centimetres in less than two hours, that's remarkable in itself. Your body will do the work, don't fight it."

She sighed, closing her eyes. "This is your fault, you know," she whispered to Severus.

"Yes I know, Allison," he kissed her forehead. "Poppy, have you been in touch with the Healers at St. Mungo's yet?"

"I sent an owl just before I came in with the water," she answered. "They'll send one back soon, I'm sure."

A tap on the window caught their attention.

"Ah, there, you see?" she smiled and greeted the owl. "Perfect, they've said that once Allison has delivered, they'll ready a bed and take a look at baby, make sure he's healthy."

"Good…" Allison smiled. "Damn it, this hurts so much, I want this over with! Why can't he just make an appearance now?"

"Shouting about it isn't going to make him appear any faster," Poppy told her. "Remember I said for you not to fight it. Let your body do the work." She wet a cloth and placed it on Allison's forehead. "Babies come on their own schedule. He just happens to be taking his time. Patience is a virtue, dear."

Severus stifled a snigger. "You do realize, Poopy, that patience is not a word in Allison's vocabulary?"

"Oh like you know anything about that!" she screamed through another long and powerful contraction. "I should hex your balls off and feed them to you for this! You did this to me, it was _you_!"

If he had not dealt with situations worse than Allison's labour Severus might have been surprised at her remarks. However, he realized he'd said the wrong thing at the most inopportune time. Instead, he opted to stay silent and wait with her.

Without any pain medication, Allison could not have gotten any sleep. Another four hours passed with little or no interruption, as Allison dilated the last three centimetres. Oddly enough, they'd barely noticed the time go by as he read to her from one of the books she kept in the night table drawer. Strangely enough, she hadn't cared that it had been an old copy of _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_, he could have read her one of his old Potions textbooks and she would have been happy, just as long as she didn't have to think about the pain.

"Allison, the last three centimetres are done. It's time to push."

She managed a weak smile.

"Severus, I want you to get on the bed behind her and support her back. Allison, bring your knees up so I have a clear view of your vagina."

Her eyes went wide.

"Oh come on now, Allison, I'm a qualified Medi-witch and a midwife. I've delivered many other babies, and they've all got to come out somewhere."

Severus moved behind Allison and did as he was told.

"Okay, Allison, Hold it for ten seconds… ready? Push!"

Allison bore down, hoping it wouldn't take too long.

"Relax… relax relax relax…" Poppy told her. "Take a deep breath, hold this push for ten seconds again. Ready, and push!"

"Ow, oh my GOD!" she screamed.

"Don't waste your energy on screaming at me, Allison, use it to push baby out. Relax, that's ten seconds!"

Her breathing heavily, Severus was at a lost. He could not do it for her, as much as he wished he could take the pain away from her.

"A few more pushes and baby's head should crown, ready? Push again, hard hard hard!"

Allison obliged, feeling a burn as the baby's head appeared.

"I can see his head, Allison, he's got a lot of hair," Poppy told her. "Severus are you alright back there?"

"Is there anything else I can do?"

"Nope, what you're doing is fine. Make sure her back is supported and this will be done before you know it. A big push this time, Allison, the head is halfway out. Hold it for ten seconds, go!"

Allison gnashed her teeth and pushed again.

"Good girl, his head is out. Two more pushes he should be here. Thirty seconds rest and go again!"

"I can't do it!" she sobbed, leaning back on Severus' chest.

"Yes you can, his head is out, Allison. You said you wanted to hold him, he needs to come out before you can do that, and the only way he's coming out is if you push him out." Poppy would not hear any of it. "Come on, two more pushes!"

As promised, with two more pushes and a final scream, Poppy told Allison to stop, and clamped the umbilical cord.

"Oh my God, there he is!" Allison smiled as tears filled her eyes. "There's our baby!"

Severus kissed her forehead as she leaned back against his chest. "You did it, Allison."

Poppy immediately cleared his mouth and throat, and set him on Allison's chest. "Thank you, Poppy, I can't thank you enough."

"You did it, Allison. That was all you."

"I couldn't have done it without you," she insisted.

Severus gingerly moved from behind Allison and placed pillows behind her. The baby was screaming and turning pink as Allison cried.

"Look at him, Severus."

"He's beautiful," he agreed. "The most beautiful child I've ever seen."

"He needs a name though," she said. "Do you have any ideas?"

"I believe that should be your decision," he told her. "Considering what you've just done, you should name him."

"What do you think of the name Callum?"

"I think it's very handsome," Severus told her, not willing to argue. Of course, he had given almost no thought to what their child's name should be. He would tell her later that the name Callum meant 'dove' in Latin.

"Seriously?"

"Yes," he answered. "I am not picky, so long as his name does not include Tobias and sounds like it would compliment either of our last names."

Allison's eyes went wide.

"What?"

"You were thinking the same thing I was."

"Which is?"

"He shouldn't have your last name, as to protect him from Lestrange and Greyback."

"More or less, yes," he answered. "Plus it does not do for my reputation to be seen as a family man when the entire school knows me as a snarky dungeon bat."

She chuckled. "Oh joy oh bliss," shaking her head, she stroked the baby's cheek. "Hello Callum Norman Paul McCormack."

"May I?" he asked.

"Yeah…" she gingerly transferred Callum from her arms to his father's. "He's not made of glass, just talk to him."

He nodded and shifted the baby in his arms. "You're more your mother than I would've thought," he told the baby.

It was all Allison heard before turning over and falling asleep, if only for a few minutes.


End file.
